From The Outside

Today I was just humming this song in my head. "A broken spirit and a contrite heart, you will not despise, you will not despise, you desire truth in the inmost parts, a broken spirit and a contrite heart".

What does it mean to have truth in the inmost parts? When God sees my heart, will He smile? Inmost parts suggest something that's very deep, something that's very natural, something at the core of my being. When I examine my heart, I dare not say I understand it well, it is afterall still deceitful above all else. What are the desires at the core of my being? Is my outter behaviour an appropriate reflection of what's really at the core of my being?

I remember I once watched an oprah winfrey show about parenting. She said, it really doesn't matter much that you tell your children how much you love them, the real question should be, do your eyes sparkle when they enter the room? I was thinking why I remembered this. It hints something surfacing naturally from deep within. As I was pondering, I walked past the old woman at the front of centerpoint. When I look at her, compassion fills me. Most times, she stares into thin air waiting for someone to buy her tissues. She looks frail and that really stirs something within me. It was something that overflowed from my inmost being. Something that overwhelms, something natural. Something I don't need to remind myself of. I don't need to tell myself hey, you should have compassion on her. It just happens naturally. Something from my inmost being.

So, does my inmost being really say the same things as my outter person is saying? When I say, God I love you, is that really consistent to my inmost being? How wonderful it must be if in my inmost being I really love God. If in my inmost being, there was integrity and consistency, nevermind what I say, Jesus taught us to pay attention to the inside of the cup, not the external appearance. From today onwards, I want to pay more attention to my inmost being. Integrity and Consistency.