I wanna testify!

I've been busy relaxing lately...Hahaha. I received my results for my last sem about a week ago. I can't believe my eyes when I saw that I got credit for Information Systems Management. Either the marker was blind or there was some BIG time moderation going on. I think it must have been God. Let me tell you why. Just to illustrate how tough the paper was, let me explain what I felt when I was doing the paper. I remember rushing like mad for time answering the questions and at the same time thinking hmm... I think even if I repeated this module I'd still fail this paper. That was how out of this world tough it was too me. I needed to get at least 52 marks to pass the module. As I recalled, I counted the marks I thought I could secure at the end of the paper and it only amounted to around 20-30 marks (yeah i know it sounds ridiculous). After the paper came the fear. I spent most of the time struggling thinking whether I should pray and ask God to intervene. Somehow subconsciously I felt that God could not help me since it seemed that I didn't study well enough. I was like thinking if I get 40 marks I can pray and ask God to help me la, but when I thought how many marks I could secure I didn't quite dare to ask. Perhaps I thought I didn't study hard enough. Then again I felt that I did. But since I did, how can the paper possibly be that hard? Anyway, I was desperate and needed God to help me. I know life will be complicated if I had to repeat as mentioned in my earlier post. So I prayed. Some thoughts came across my mind during this period...Is it possible to shipwreck your faith by having too high hopes? I realized I didn't dare to ask because I was afraid that God might not show up. I've heard many times that hope is a dangerous thing. It can make you or break you. Hope can give us a purpose and a passion. Yet when you commit so much of yourself into hoping, and things don't turn out the way you hoped it can really shatter and break you. But desperation drove me to pray and I hoped. I'm glad I did because if I didn't I would not have learnt the lesson that God is good all the time and God can exceed my wildest expectations.

Anyhoo, I went to JB today with shuz, mei and esmond. We went to city square to shop then headed to eat seafood somewhere nearby. Shuz bought a pair of sandals and esmond bought a soccer ball for our HPL team from city square. We went to eat at Tsih Lin Taiwanese snacks at the basement. The XXL chicken cutlet is really XXL. Not like the ones in Singapore. They are so puny compared to those in JB. Very nice. We left city square and headed to the seafood place. Driving there, we passed by a building where there were many people gathering and looking up. Curious, we also turned to look. Apparently there was a woman who was attempting suicide from the building. I looked for a while but turned away soon after because I didn't want to see the woman jump off. She was actually on the ledge. The firemen were preparing to go up. Wonder what happened after that. We uttered a prayer and continued driving. The gals kept looking but I told them not to. I think seeing someone falling off a building can be a very traumatic sight. I hope God intervened.

I'm coming to the end of Grey's Anatomy Season 2. Anyone can lend me Season 3?

Seacow

Ever wondered what seacows were? The Hides of Seacows were mentioned here and there in Numbers. I just went online to check what seacows were. Check it out...

http://www.edgeofexistence.org/species/species_info.asp?id=53



Pity the ones hunting them...

QT

Lately I’ve been going to the bathroom more than usual to bathe. I realized today why. Sometimes even in my own room (with door shut), it can be distracting. The computer sometimes distracts me from being still. So I escape to the bathroom for a relaxed slow bath as I reflect and pray.

Today as I showered, I was thinking why sometimes I will be reluctant to spend quiet time. I guess it’s sometimes cos I feel I’m not worthy. I feel rejected as a sinner who is not able to live up to the standards of the bible. As I drew near to God through prayer and reflection I remembered that it is the law that condemns but Jesus who came to dispense mercy and grace. The law tells me how I fall short but it is Jesus who shows kindness to a sinner like me. When I think of it this way, I feel more drawn to God’s presence. I remember Jesus is not the one who condemns; He was the one who claimed to come for the sick. It is the sick who needs the doctor. And He was with the sick. Healing them, being close to them. This is the same Jesus I draw near to every time I still my heart.

After this, I thought about ASKING. I watched Oprah recently and the resident psychologist told one of her guests: “Whenever you ask God for something, ask only once.” That was something that struck me because if we believe God is willing and we really know what we want and why we want it, once is all we need. After asking is where faith comes in. So asking a second time can sometimes mean we don’t believe God is willing. I thought about the persevering widow next. Luke 18:3-5 If the above statement made by the psychologist is completely true, why do we need to uphold the value of persistence? Why do we need to fast and pray? I thought about it for a while and realized we need to balance both ways of thinking. Its true that we need to ask in faith and not doubt. James 1:6-8 (but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does) but I believe sometimes God also tests our desire through time. And I believe persistence is the way to pass that test. Also I concluded God also refines our desire, sifting out ill-motives that are mixed with good intentions.

Question

Tonight, I wonder... What do I really want?

Lately...

Finished exams 2 weeks back. First 2 papers went quite well, thought 2nd paper would kill me but it was actually the 3rd which kinda did. It's all in God's hands now. I'm likely to apply for a job regardless of the result. This sem has been especially stressful. If I fail any module I will have to apply for a job without a degree in the mean time. Since it's not practical to take full time studies for only one module, I would have to go for the option of studying part time and working full time, quite complicated... This sem I pushed myself quite hard out of fear of failure. At least at this point I'm satisfied for having done my best. I mean how can I not after I have prayed? I have to give my best so that God can work through it. That's my responsibility. That's wat kept me pressing on. The thought that I had during the preparation time was this:"Roy, you still have what it takes to change the outcome of your results."


Last week was quite fruitful. Got to meet Wenjun, Jacob and gang and another friend of mine. It was a good time of catching up. Heard something said recently:"Friendship should not be limited only to the confines of a church." Food for thought. Anyway, I really enjoyed myself catching up with the guys and gals.

Also, since HPL started I have played 2 warm up matches. One thing I realised, I need to exercise so that I can enjoy the game. So I have started running and swimming a little. Come to think of it, I need to clear IPPT soon too. Training is good. The result of training is evident in that I can last longer in the game.

Yesterday was a great time after service with some of my sheep. Seng, Davin, Hen and I went out for coffee at Wisma. It was a good time of learning about investments.

Today, I finished 8/9 episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 1. Hahaha....Chiong'D. Very Nice. Fave character: George (cos I pity him, good guy...)

Tomorrow, Adobe Audition teaching for Seng and workout with Eugene. Fun!

Got this link from Seng: http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/
Very interesting, the book is sold at Kino. Ok, you can call me KPO.

:)

Don't act cute, I could so gobble you up right now!

15 Oct 07

WAM Night cum Team Ministry gathering was good for me. Normally, after each service or teaching I try to recall one or two main points. These were the 3 main points that struck me.

1. During worship, God reminded me that to be able to worship Him was my tremendous privilege.

2. Pastor Jo talked about indecisiveness. INDECISIVENESS!!! Ashamed to say, that indecisive pilot sounded a lot like me. Of course, I'm no pilot. But I sure am indecisive alright. Something that I have to change. I have to put my foot down on what I believe in. I've gotta make a stand for faith.

3. During the altar call, one thing that I really wanted God to do for me was to recapture my heart by envisioning me. There was no reason He would not. The bible says without vision people perish. I used to think vision was something very spiritual. But that night, it seemed so logical. Vision gives us longevity in serving Him, so why would He not envision us? Perhaps cos we didn't ask.