Lately I’ve been going to the bathroom more than usual to bathe. I realized today why. Sometimes even in my own room (with door shut), it can be distracting. The computer sometimes distracts me from being still. So I escape to the bathroom for a relaxed slow bath as I reflect and pray.
Today as I showered, I was thinking why sometimes I will be reluctant to spend quiet time. I guess it’s sometimes cos I feel I’m not worthy. I feel rejected as a sinner who is not able to live up to the standards of the bible. As I drew near to God through prayer and reflection I remembered that it is the law that condemns but Jesus who came to dispense mercy and grace. The law tells me how I fall short but it is Jesus who shows kindness to a sinner like me. When I think of it this way, I feel more drawn to God’s presence. I remember Jesus is not the one who condemns; He was the one who claimed to come for the sick. It is the sick who needs the doctor. And He was with the sick. Healing them, being close to them. This is the same Jesus I draw near to every time I still my heart.
After this, I thought about ASKING. I watched Oprah recently and the resident psychologist told one of her guests: “Whenever you ask God for something, ask only once.” That was something that struck me because if we believe God is willing and we really know what we want and why we want it, once is all we need. After asking is where faith comes in. So asking a second time can sometimes mean we don’t believe God is willing. I thought about the persevering widow next. Luke 18:3-5 If the above statement made by the psychologist is completely true, why do we need to uphold the value of persistence? Why do we need to fast and pray? I thought about it for a while and realized we need to balance both ways of thinking. Its true that we need to ask in faith and not doubt. James 1:6-8 (but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does) but I believe sometimes God also tests our desire through time. And I believe persistence is the way to pass that test. Also I concluded God also refines our desire, sifting out ill-motives that are mixed with good intentions.
