Random Thoughts

Hahahaha!!! Since Veron is on an ego trip, let me say something about her as well, to add on to the 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 other encouraging blog entries about her. Here I go, Veron is an incredibly hard working ministry leader. She really puts her heart into all that she does. Occasionally struggle, but very dong si. Give her time and she'll sort things out. Someone who really loves the Lord. Someone who shines in school as well. She's not like many other gals her age. Mature beyond her years. Someone who is teachable, someone who is humble to serve others. Someone who is understanding and someone who really cares about her friends. They say love is in the details. She's someone who observes the likes and dislikes of her friends. So Veron, keep it up. You're a great example and inspiration to us all. 1 Tim 4:12 :)

On a side note, have been thinking about love. Not the romantic kind. It's amazing how many very complicated things actually boil down to something very simple, something that has to be left unsaid. I'm starting to understand 1 Corinthians 13:13 more. Many things could have been made less fuzzy if we said it out loud, but if we did, then it loses all it's meaning.

BBQ

Nothing beats great fellowship over great food. Today I had Seng, Davin , Eugene and Hendra come over for BBQ. At first the 30 bucks for the pit was a bit steep considering we pay $294 per quarter for facilities in the condo. Saw the pit today and was quite glad cos at least they provided a good pit, electronic one, don't need to fan, don't need charcoal. Very convenient, very fast. We bought beef steaks, lamb steak, german sausages, clams, mussels and some beer. The amount I had to pay was well worth it because of the company I enjoyed.

Thanks guys for taking time out. It's important to see the value of investing time with each other. I'm so looking forward for the next time we get to hang out again. Thanks Seng for serving us. Thank you Father for bringing us together.

Thanksgiving

Watched Anatomy of a Formula One Team on discovery channel couple o days back. The program featured Toyota's F1 team, from the drivers to the people who fill the oil tank at pit stops. The cars were awesome. A fraction of a second was worth all the work because a fraction is all it takes to seperate the winner from the second place. The engineers were working on a front wing that would shave off fractions of a second. So much work and precision. Anyway, some interesting things I got from the show. Check this out:

http://www.toyota.co.jp/en/vision/traditions/index.html

In their philosophy, they aim to create an environment where the employees are not fearful to make mistakes. On the contrary, mistakes were viewed as opportunities for improvement. I think they call this kanban or kaizen. Something like that. Very interesting.

Check out "Ask "Why?" five times about every matter".

Anyway, God is good, sometimes He provides even before I really ask in prayer. Hatiku Percaya! Here I come NBC!

8/10/06-15/10/06

Spent a lot of time the past week on assignments. Handed one in on Friday. Another to be handed up later. Anyway, was hungry cos of early dinner so i decided to drive out to changi village for a meal around 1245am. Realised i had no money in wallet so i drove to loyang point to draw before heading to changi village. I stopped the car, switched off the engine and head lights. Then i noticed a man coming out from behind the bushes. I observed him a while and he started walking towards me right after he emerged from behind the bushes. He seems to be in a daze and was barefooted. I strapped on the seat belt and turned on the engine to drive off without drawing cash. Thank God i managed to move off before he came close enough. Creepy.

One thing i've been thinking of all week. Something Pastor Jeff mentioned in his sermon. We'll never be able to solve problems at the same level of the problems. We need to rise above, then approach the problem again. Rising above reminds me of the word. When was the last time i responded? Many times i take the truth in and struggle with it. But very few times do i actually choose to respond in faith. Knowing the truth without responding to it is pointless.

130

When I woke today, felt a weird sensation in my throat. Knew it was coming. The last time Singapore experienced haze, I fell ill too. Looked out of the window and I was shocked. The view of the building right in front of my room was not as clear as it should be considering the distance from my block. Woke up to check the PSI on channel 5, my goodness! 130. 2 days back was 52 and I already had difficulty breathing. It was really bad at my place, not sure if it's cos I stay near the coast. Looking out of my window just made me very reluctant to breathe. Sounds funny but it's true. Had fever and headache later on in the day. I just hid in my air con room the rest of the day.

Anyway, God just reminded me today of this verse:

Faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

What A Friend

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care? Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer. Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

What a song. Was on the long bus ride home from city hall today after my evening class and I just poured out to God. I know myself, I'm not good at taking too many things at once. I always tell myself, ok sort things out one at a time. Truth in life is, things don't always come one at a time. Sometimes before I can sort something out in my mind and find meaning and a biblical response to it, another comes. Here's the start of my problem. When I pay attention to the next thing that comes, I start to fumble handling both. Then comes another. And another and another. Soon, there are a lot of overdue things in my mind. And frustration starts to build up. The thing is, I know if I can just get enough mental space I'd be ok. I need to take more long walks with God. A long bus ride would do too. Just like today. This song just came to mind as I poured out my heart to Him. I remember this song well. I use to sing it in Sunday school. Back then, these were merely lyrics. But today, I found a friend again in Jesus. I know He thinks the best of me. He understands me when I don't know what to say or how to say it. He understands my flaws and my fears. He knows why I behave and think the way I do. He understands me even when I don't understand myself. Thank you Jesus for always thinking the best of me and seeing hope in me. What a friend indeed!

Life Is More Than What I See

Your Love
(Written by Fenny Luwis)

I never knew what life was meant to be
I thought that I figured it all out
What my life should be
Yet somehow I heard the voice deep inside of me
Whispering there should be more than this

So I searched the answer of life’s mystery
I climbed the highest mountain
Crossed the deepest sea
Yet through it all
Emptiness was all life could offer me
Until the day Your love found me

This love that reached out to me
You came from heaven to Calvary
You took my shame
Endured my pain
And You died on the cross for me
As You stretched out Your nail-scared hands
Heard You say Father now I can see
This love, Your divine love
Is why You have sent me

I never knew that love was meant for me
I never thought that life could be so free
Until Your love shines through my darkness
Now I can see
And I know life is more than what I see

For without You in my life
Without Your love holding me
I would be lost
Slowly fading to eternity
Now with You in my life
And Your love that has set me free
My heart’s rejoice
My soul’s relief

I know life is with You to eternity

This love that reached out to me
You came from heaven to Calvary
You took my shame
Endured my pain
And You died on the cross for me
As You stretched out Your nail-scared hands
Jesus my Lord now I can see
Your love, Your divine love
Is why You died for me

For without You in my life
Without Your love holding me
I would be lost
Slowly fading to eternity
Now with You in my life
And Your love that has set me free
My heart’s rejoice
My soul’s relief

I know Your love is my destiny

Now with You in my life
And Your love that has set me free
My heart’s rejoice
My soul’s relief

I know Your love is my destiny

!?!?!?!?!?!?!

wa, who hack into my blog and put up such a nasty post?!

:P

Veron wore a nice top today, looked her best in all the photos.

My best picture taken out of the 3.

Davin's Best.

Fresh From The Oprah Winfrey Show

An Abusive Husband's Desperate Plea

http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200604/tows_past_20060419.jhtml

The statistic from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is startling. One out of four women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime. Louie admits he's been abusing his wife, Shannon, for 13 years. He has been convicted of domestic violence twice—once in 1999 for punching Shannon and a second time for pushing her to the ground. He says he no longer physically abuses Shannon, but that the emotional abuse has continued. In an e-mail to The Oprah Winfrey Show months ago, he confessed his behavior and pleaded for help. "I am an abusive husband," Louie wrote. "I verbally abuse my wife every single day, and I just can't seem to stop. I'm desperate for help. I lose my temper. Yelling, screaming and name-calling are part of our daily lives. At times, I will get within an inch of her face and scream at the top of my lungs. I will call her a liar over nothing and have even threatened to kill her. … "My emotions get out of control and I have no idea why. I love my wife and kids and being a father. I can't imagine someone treating my daughters this way. I've been trying to change and I just can't make that final step."

Louie believes that the reason he lashes out at Shannon is because of the way he was treated as a child. "When I was a kid, my parents had a lot of issues. They split up, and my mom abused me," he says. "I went to live with my grandparents at a young age and I had six-inch-wide belt bruises from the back of my heels to the back of my head. That being said, that's no excuse for my actions as an adult." Louie and Shannon are trying to understand his anger for a very specific reason. "We wouldn't be fighting for it as hard as we have and going through all this if there wasn't a lot of beautiful times making it worth something to fight for," Louie says.

Dr. Robin agrees that Louie's continued destructive behavior stems from childhood pain he has yet to overcome. "You were disrespected as a child and you have physical and emotional wounds to prove that," Dr. Robin says. "We then grow up and we get involved with someone innocent, and violate them the way we were violated. We get into adult relationships and act out the stuff we saw that was a secret when we were children."

Oprah called upon Dr. Harville Hendrix, a relationship therapist whose work she calls "life changing," to help Shannon and Louie understand their marriage. His Imago Relationship Theory is based on the belief that individuals fall in love with someone whose personality is similar to that of their caretakers. "The reason for that is you want the positive and negative traits," he says. "But primarily the negative traits." Dr. Hendrix says that when a person falls in love, they may appear to be attracted only to their partner's positive traits. Subconsciously, that person is also attracted to their partner's negative traits that are connected to the unfulfilled needs of childhood. The Imago Theory is that it's not a coincidence you're attracted to your partner. "You lost [happiness during childhood] and you'll never feel fully alive again until you get it back. We think that committed partnership or marriage is the context within which those issues can be restored."

Dr. Hendrix led Louie and Shannon through Imago therapy sessions by using Intentional Dialogue exercises to help them discover and deal with the unfulfilled childhood origins of their violent relationship. The first step is mirroring, in which one person acts as a stand-in for their partner's guardian. "You listen to your partner talk and you make every effort you can to accurately hear what they're saying without criticizing it, without judging it," Dr. Hendrix says. At Dr. Hendrix's prompting, Shannon asks Louie to explain what living with his parents was like. "The only thing that you've ever cared about is yourself," Louie says. "You had kids because you thought they would make you happy, not because you wanted to take care of them or because you cared about them." With Dr. Hendrix's help, Louie went even further with mirroring. "It's not fair that you take away my childhood and take out everything that you've done wrong in your life on us. … I'm learning from you how to hurt people so when I grow up then I can hurt the ones I love," Louie says. "So living with us is like being in hell—never feeling loved, never feeling wanted, never feeling taken care of," Shannon says, as she mirrors Louie's parents. Dr. Hendrix believes that mirroring is an important first step because it allows someone like Louie to re-experience and then release his pain. "You don't get it all out in one session or with one deep experience of sobbing, but you begin to open up," Dr. Hendrix says. "When you start acting out in adulthood with hurtful behavior, you're actually acting out of that pain. If you release the pain, then you remove the power [that pain holds]."

After the mirroring experience, Dr. Hendrix asks Louie a simple, yet seemingly paradoxical, question: How do your feelings of disrespect, distrust and poor communication help you? "It keeps [me] feeling safe," Louie says. "I'm afraid to let that go. I'm afraid that I'm going to get trampled on, or she's going to walk out on me like everybody else." Shannon also "benefited" from poor communication, using it to shield herself from the reality of their relationship. "I don't expect much out of him, so he doesn't really disappoint me," she says. The emotional wall between Shannon and Louie insulated each of them from feeling even more pain, Dr. Hendrix says. "Closeness is connected with pain from childhood for both of them. Closeness has in it pain. Deep in the brain, pain is always connected to the possibility of death," he says. "In order to stay alive, I'm going to have to keep any distance." Louie maintains this emotional distance in the way he was taught by parents. Dr. Hendrix says that Louie maintains this emotional distance because he does not know how to have "appropriate separateness without being abusive verbally."

A technique Dr. Hendrix calls "behavior change request" can encourage communication and reduce partners' frustrations with each other. "Embedded in every gripe, complaint, criticism [and] frustration you have is a wish," Dr. Hendrix says. Couples need to tell each other their wishes, he says. Oprah points out that most people believe their partner should automatically know their desires. For example, isn't it obvious the dishes need to be done? Why can't he just do them? Dr. Hendrix calls this type of thinking "the illusion of romance." "It's like symbiosis," he says. "[Partners think], 'You live in my head, don't you? Don't you know what I'm thinking? Why aren't you doing it? I fuse you with me—I assume that we're just one person.'"

To begin Dr. Hendrix's behavior change technique, Louie and Shannon describe their dissatisfactions with each other. Louie's biggest gripe with Shannon is the fact that she expects him to read her mind, he says. "When you want something, you don't ask for it, and then you get angry [when I don't do it]," he says. Dr. Hendrix asks Louie to come up with three things that Shannon could do for him that would reduce his frustration. She will choose one of the three and commit to changing her behavior for three weeks. Louie's first request is for Shannon to create a daily list of household chores for him. His second request is a permanent list of things that need to be done on a regular basis. Louie's third request is for Shannon to tell him every afternoon the specific tasks that need to be done that day. Shannon says she's willing to make a daily list of things that need to be done around the house. Shannon's main dissatisfaction with Louie is that she feels lonely and wants more time with her husband. "He pretty much spends all of his time when he's at home in our bedroom," she says. Shannon's first behavior change request is for Louie to engage the family for at least one hour every day. Her second request is for him to limit the time he spends by himself. Shannon's third request is that Louie eats dinner with the family instead of alone in his room. Louie chooses to spend at least an hour with Shannon and their children every day for three weeks.

After the three-week experiment, Louie and Shannon say the behavior change request exercise has given them a new level of comfort in their relationship. "I feel more secure and I have more of a sense of hope than I've ever had in my entire life," Louie says. "I feel like I've stepped into her shoes and she's stepped into mine." By really listening to each other, Dr. Hendrix says, couples "become passionate friends. That's what we call a conscious partnership."

Dr. Hendrix says his "exercise in appreciation" only takes a few minutes a day and can transform relationships. He encourages couples to replace negativity with appreciation by finding three things every day for which to thank each other. "It is super hard, but it's the most amazing thing," Louie says, admitting that he and Shannon have only committed to one appreciation each day. "When [your partner] gives you that one appreciation, all [the day's troubles] turn off. All day you're thinking about, 'Man, that was nice and I feel good about what she said about me.' It changes your whole outlook on the day."











Food for thought...

Mom

27th September is my mom's birthday. We normally just go out as a family for dinner during a family member's birthday. We've decided to celebrate her birthday earlier this year on a Sunday instead of the weekday.

Today, I had a good hard look at my mom. She dyed her hair. I realised she's quite hip, 50 plus already still take the effort to maintain herself and dress up. I realised she was very simple and beautiful on the inside. We brought our grandma out for the dinner as well. You see my grandma is a mother of 10 children. She stays with her eldest son, who happens to be filthy rich. My mother's siblings are all doing very well financially. So when my grandma fell ill, she was really very well taken care of and provided for. Medical bills were never an issue. She got the best treatment and care. Today, we fetched her from her house in a wheel chair. She's just recovered from treatment and was weak. From the way my mom talked to my grandma, I could see that my mom is a very filial daughter. I could see that she genuinely cares about her. So much so that she would risk her relationship with her brothers and father to share the good news of the gospel to her. When she talked to my grandma, I could see her eyes sparkle. She teased her and joked with her like they were best of friends. So yeah, filial daughter, I've so much to learn. (the filial part)

My mom is the only chinese-educated person in the family. I've always thought it must be lonely being her. She's the only gal in the family (cos the rest of my family comprises my dad and brother) and the only chinese-educated one. She's a very simple person. I've often seen her reading the bible on her bed in the room by herself. I love that picture. She uses a bilingual bible but chooses to read in both english as well as chinese. I can tell by the highlighting of verses. Today, when I looked at her, I was reminded of child-like faith again. She really believes the word. She believes so much that she claims the promises in the bible regularly by praying to God with my father everynight.

Sometimes, she can be irritating when I don't stop to think why she keeps stuffing me with food. Haha I really hate that. It's like she can't hear me when I say "mommy, kou le" for the first 2 times. She eventually gets it when the volume gets louder by the 3rd time. But yeah, that's the way she shows love. I'm never fat enough. I never have enough sleep according to her. :)

Hmm...how should I end this?

wa, i love this photo!

YETI !!!

Longestestestestestestestestest Post

Things Could Have Been Very Different

:) I just woke from a nap. So tired man. Had a crazy week. Monday was practice, Tuesday was full dress rehearsal, Wednesday I did packing of equipment, Thursday I did editing of an hour long walk in soundtrack and more packing in the evening then shifting the equipment down to expo, Friday was setup and full dress rehearsal then Saturday was anniversary itself then it was pack up. After anniversary, a crazy someone booked soccer at THE CAGE from 10pm to 1am. Sunday was care group. We had a pig out at Dragon’s Gate Restaurant followed by sports at Sentosa. Told myself Monday I must start on my assignments. As you can see, I didn’t do much. It was an idealistic goal. Too idealistic. So after lunch at Tampines, I decided to just head home and sleep rather than go to Hendra’s house to ask him questions about an assignment.

I always feel very good after a nap. I can almost see myself smiling from ear to ear after a nice nap. I love my room, on the air con, pull down the blinds, hide under the comforters and I’m well on my way to dream land. I’m ready to start on my assignment after dinner.

I’m glad at how the anniversary turned out. The stage monitors for certain musicians didn’t work out very well but it’s not too bad because I know I did my best. Hope to have better equipment from the rental company come the next big event. Ooo…Mom is calling me to eat dinner, will continue later.

Wa exciting exciting! God can work in ways we never expect. You see I use to be worried about my parents commitment in church but in the recent months have been quite at ease with their growth. I think Chandra, their care leader has done a great job. Tamar’s parents are also in the care group. Man, their CG is exciting. They all love karaoke and ever since my dad and mom joined the care group it seems the care group has become very crazy about dance as well. My parents love their care group and look forward to attending every week. Tamar asked me, “Do your parents dance in the living room in the evenings?” Ha, that’s all too familiar a sight. Her parents are starting to do that too. How interesting and highly entertaining. Anyway, for a couple of years now, a lady by the name of Evelyn has been observing my parents at the Raffles Town Club on Friday or Saturday nights dancing. Anyway, to cut the long story short cause I can’t really remember the details, Evelyn is Veron’s mom. Due to STM, I can’t remember how they got acquainted. I think Aunty Evelyn recognized them when she visited hope or something. She likes dance too, that’s why according to Veron they caught her eye. She claims my parents are really good at dance. Veron tells me my mom is very sexy when she dances. Wa, tell you, I can die when I hear that. Please spare me the details. Since my parents’ care group so into dance, one of the senior members of the CG has decided to invite a professional to teach the care group together. My dad was telling me Chandra reminded them not to cha cha in worship hahahaha, damn funny. Ooo…I’m drifting away again, anyway, that’s a great outreach possibility for them since in anniversary we tried to get Aunty Evelyn and my parents to sit together. Aunty Evelyn has been attending church for sometime now but has not converted. She’s become a seeker recently and I believe with a fun community to meet her needs, she’s just at the brink of receiving salvation. The thought of it really excited 3 of us as we discussed the possibilities over the dinner table. This Sunday they will get her to sit with them in service. So exciting! Praise You God!!! I pray for Eugene’s parents as well.

Anniversary has been very tiring but highly meaningful for me. When I have seen the lives of the people around me change, I know God is doing a real work in the church. It’s not just doing church, indeed God is really working in the lives of all our members. I feel very touched when I see Davin, Eugene and Seng on stage. These 3 are my sheep. Knowing their background and how far they’ve come really puts a certain sweetness and purpose into celebrating anniversary. There are times when I feel like giving up, but these are the times where I can gladly say at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Making our lives count together with a movement and a family that means business. Reading the testimonies of people I’ve seen in church before but are now overseas planting churches really excites and encourages my heart. This is our purpose, only one life and soon will pass, only what’s done for Christ will last.

My own life has been very changed and molded by God and this family in church. I remember August 30th, 1997. I was Secondary 3 studying in ACS (Barker). That year was particularly strange because my parents forgot my birthday. They make it a point every year to celebrate my birthday. On that day, since I had no celebration I decided to attend church with a friend who invited me. The CL (Priscilla Tan Swan Sim) celebrated my birthday for me though I hardly knew her. First thought that struck me was “Who are these crazy people?” I told myself, “Ok, after this cake, I’m not coming back.” But it was too heartless a thing to do. So I decided to attend 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks became months as I was so quickly mobilized to serve God. Through serving God together with a great bunch of people who truly love God and the church, I saw that something must be different, God must be real. So I stayed on to discover. After all, I did leave my previous church because no one seemed interested to learn about the bible. Hmm..I think that was an excuse. But nevermind… God was kind to me and relocated me to another family who was truly hungry for the word and serious about the great commission. Back then it was the people who captured my heart, as I grow more and more each year I can say that my burden for the great commission has grown. I want my life to count.

Things could have been very different because in Sec 3, I started to hang out with a bunch of friends who weren’t exactly the best kind of company. I soon picked up smoking and really stopped paying attention in class. We hung out together often, playing soccer together, going out etc. It reached a point where I hated my life. I just hated it because I saw no meaning. I saw no meaning in studies, I saw no meaning even in waking up. On weekends I’d sleep till about 3pm in the afternoon before reluctantly dragging myself up from bed.

Today, I can say that God has changed my mind by His word. By giving me an environment to grow, by giving me a purpose and a family. I’ve been sharing to many about my good results in my assignments lately. Was evaluating myself, am I becoming proud? I don’t think so. On the contrary, I’d say it’s really God who deserves the glory. I work hard so that I can present a consistent Christ follower to my friends and not have to be afraid to tell them I’m a Christian. Good results are merely a reflection of the attitudes God has changed in me.

Tony (Current shepherd) and Priscilla (First shepherd) are the people who’ve really inspired me to shine in the area of my studies. So I’d like to say a big thank you to both of you! Inspiring!

At this point, I’d also like to thank all of my previous shepherds for teaching me and being patient with me. :)

Anyway, anniversary was a blast! I finally got to meet the Yamaha PM5D. Heard it costs 300K. Wonder if the info I got is accurate. Cos 300K can buy HDB liao.

Mixing on the board is like meeting a Yeti. A certain sense of awe overwhelmed me. You also wonder when you will get to meet it again. I took a picture with the evasive creature. Will post it up when I get it.

ANNIVERSARY!

Was at the bus stop on the way to expo today and thinking to myself, these few days really hectic, practice after practice, full dress after full dress. The more I do the more I ought to slow myself down. The last thing I want is for anniversary to be a new experience in ministry alone. I want it to be meaningful for me. So I thought, why do we give so much? Are we really giving? Or just going thru the motion of giving? It's so easy to forget. Then I said to myself I ought to intentionally give to the place I want my heart to be. For where my treasure is, there my heart will be also. I want to live in the center of God's will, therefore I should freely give of my time, treasure and gifting. That really made all the effort in the past month and a half meaningful. It made sense. Hope to be able to coax my brother into attending the anniversary service. I'm so happy to see eugene's and veron's parents already confirming their attendance, that would also mean my parents can take care of them in the service and attach them to the family group.

Had shepherding at Sentosa with Tony on Wednesday during his lunch break. He works near there and I drive, perfect combi for a shepherding at the beach. It's weird seeing a guy in office attire walking along the beach at sentosa, long sleeve and all. I almost feel shy walking beside him, hahaha. But I really enjoyed shepherding. He's one shepherd I can sense sincerity from. Someone who really enjoys spending time together. I've learnt a lot from him. We were talking about the topic of dependance on God. Situations that stretch our faith will give us opportunities to depend on Him. Has my life become too easy? No situations that stretch my faith, or should I ask, have I intentionally put myself into situations that stretch my faith? O by the way, Tony is 30 and single...STILL! Anyway, we sat under a shed by the quiet Tanjong Beach and talked. It was a frutiful shepherding.

Blah blah blah...

WHAT a babe!

I meant the one on the left. LOL!!!

Anyway, that's Yung's daughter, Cheryl. Super cute.

Subject: GCO2831 (Information And Network Security)

Year: 2006

Study period: Second Semester

Assignment: Assignment 1

Student ID: kktan4

Marker(s): Md. Tamjidul Hoque

Maximum mark: 25

Pass mark: 12.5

Final grade:22.5

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm so happy. Makes me motivated to work hard at assignment 2. Thank God. After reading the sample solution I still don't understand the 2.5 marks. Hmm...must go read it again. I want to shine!

Celebrated Justin's birthday today. It was so hilarious. I brought the cake to Jeremy and said "Hey can you go prepare the cake, we'd like to celebrate Justin's birthday." LOLx!!!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Jus, you're a great brother. Thanks for always being understanding and always smiling. Meeting you never fails to light up my day. Your smile brings a certain ease and warmth. Just want to tell you that you're so precious in God's eyes and in mine.

Today, after we celebrated Jus' birthday at his house, I noted Hendra in Jeremy's room, playing a card game with him. There was something about that picture that really warmed my heart. It's like a once his sheep always his sheep kinda feeling. Or once my shepherd always my shepherd kinda feeling. :)

Yesterday's sermon really excited me. Pastor preached about bringing the Kingdom out of the walls of the church. After the sermon, he told me he was tired but I didn't notice it at all during the sermon. Instead, I could sense his conviction and excitement as he talked about the Kingdom of God. It just captured my attention and heart again.

Like the mustard seed, it will be extensive in growth.

Like yeast that works through the dough, it will be transformative in influence.

Really, really exciting...

"The church of God is breaking out in freedom, in power, in healing, salvation to the ends of the earth."

Not Good Enough, Never Good Enough

Luke

5:1 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,† with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God,

5:2 he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets.

5:3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.

5:4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down† the nets for a catch."

5:5 Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."

5:6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.

5:7 So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

5:8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"

5:9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken,

5:10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men."

5:11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

I do, and I think You know it too. But...Haiz...

Lamentations

3:21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

3:22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

3:23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

3:24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

Give

Surprise durian cake, Topman and Adidas vouchers, pretzels, $100 ang bao, U2 turtleneck shirt, thick Oprah book, a HOTDOG from a HOT DAWG, 2 $10 Ben & Jerry’s vouchers, a pair of Adidas shoes from LEFTFOOT I’ve been eyeing for some time, Ben & Jerry’s’ cheese cake, effort to cook curry, whipped potato, lasagne and pizza, High Society album, 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry’s Marsha Marsha Marshmellow and a stress ball. These are the gifts I received for my birthday.

6 days after my birthday and starting to feel a lil weary of all the feasting and celebration. 2 more to go. I really appreciate all the thought put in. Thanks to all of you out there who consider me worth your time and effort.

I’ve eaten so much ice cream over the past couple o days. On Saturday, I had Marsha Marsha Marshmellow for dinner after service. I just whacked both the tubs haha, only to regret later in the night cos of the headache. I suppose it’s cos of the ice cream, not sure though. Had Ben & Jerry’s again with Livi, Veron, Junhuang and Baowei on Sunday. Too bad Susilawati Angkasa Lee Jialing couldn’t make it. I really miss her. Had a great time with Bao anyway. I was also looking forward to meet him. He’s a dear brother with whom I share an awkward love hate relationship. Hahaha. We didn’t talk much at first. I thought to myself since the objective of the meet up was to catch up with him I’d initiate to break the silence. I asked “Hey Bao, how’s your job?” He then answered “Can you please not ask this type of questions?” Silence………………………………………………………...
We proceeded to talk about other things and I found out he’s doing really well and shining for Jesus. Such a consistent brother.

Anniversary is drawing nearer. Everyone is busy. EXCELLENCE, PURPOSE, JOY and UNITY.

Just wanna say here that I feel very loved after I bumped into my ex-shepherd today. Chukai asked me about my studies and showed genuine concern for me, it was a very nice feeling. I won’t say we’re close. We’ve also not talked to each other in a while. But it was nice to know that he still cares for me :) It’s great to be in God’s family.

I must not stop giving. GIVE.

Mark 6:31b

O anyway, just found out today I’ll be getting a new toy for anniversary, the Yamaha PM5D! Never thought I’d have the chance to meet her. Haha… Cool man! Here I come! Anoint me, make something out of what You’ve given me to offer.

24

Just felt a feeling of familiar warmth as I thought about my life on the day of my 24th birth anniversary while listening to Michael W. Smith's rendition of the song Awesome God. Days like these were meant to be set aside for the people you are intimate with. This year feels different, guess its cos they are no longer around. I miss two such people in particular. This year feels different also because of a sense of discontentment. Discontentment at where I stand spiritually at this moment. How I wish to have been closer, more faithful. But I guess there's a difference between looking at the past to learn lessons and well......just looking at the past. On a seperate note, 16 more days to church anniversary celebration at expo. This few weeks have been hectic, I've been going to nexus at least 3 times a week. Everyone is busy preparing for the big day. It gets very boring to keep doing sound. As we all prepare for anniversary, I also want to ensure my heart is prepared. I am reminded of my purpose as a christian. We're so busy preparing the praise and worship because as christians we're invited to relate with God. And so we put in the effort to prepare so that we can usher in and also remind others. As Christians we're also called to fulfill the great commission. And so, I'm reminded of my destiny. There's a task still at hand. I've got a part to play and am eagerly awaiting to see how else I can be involved.

STONEDDD...

Just returned home from the recording of Psalm 78. Heard it will be uploaded to the church website after anniversary. I love doing recording. I love being around the twins and a wonderful lineup of musicians. We have Eugene on percussions, the talented Meya from Filipino group on brass and strings, Fenny on organ, Gerald on piano, Geoffrey on bass, Uncle Albert the screaming guitarist on electric guitar and last but not least Wendy on the drums. I love to do recording with them, they are great musicians. Feelin a bit tired after doing the recording, run up and down...old already, I need a disciple!

Anyway, was reading Ezekiel 22-23 today. I was thinking to myself, wa God is a really angry God, relentless in punishing his children for their wrong doing. Since they are always disobedient, why not just let them suffer, they will come back anyway. But amidst all the anger, jealousy and punishment, I began to see a God who is truly loving. He loved us so much that He will choose not to be passive about our sin. Rather He actively steps out to discipline, and to bring us back.

I'm very much like a hired hand many times. I think to myself, if I correct you, you don't want to listen then too bad la, I'll just leave you alone. You suffer it's not my business. I wash my hands off your case. God corrected me of this kind of passiveness today.

It's great to know that I have a God who actively fights for my heart. Now, I have to look for opportunities to apply this kind of love to others as well.