An Abusive Husband's Desperate Plea
http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200604/tows_past_20060419.jhtml
The statistic from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is startling. One out of four women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime. Louie admits he's been abusing his wife, Shannon, for 13 years. He has been convicted of domestic violence twice—once in 1999 for punching Shannon and a second time for pushing her to the ground. He says he no longer physically abuses Shannon, but that the emotional abuse has continued. In an e-mail to The Oprah Winfrey Show months ago, he confessed his behavior and pleaded for help. "I am an abusive husband," Louie wrote. "I verbally abuse my wife every single day, and I just can't seem to stop. I'm desperate for help. I lose my temper. Yelling, screaming and name-calling are part of our daily lives. At times, I will get within an inch of her face and scream at the top of my lungs. I will call her a liar over nothing and have even threatened to kill her. … "My emotions get out of control and I have no idea why. I love my wife and kids and being a father. I can't imagine someone treating my daughters this way. I've been trying to change and I just can't make that final step."
Louie believes that the reason he lashes out at Shannon is because of the way he was treated as a child. "When I was a kid, my parents had a lot of issues. They split up, and my mom abused me," he says. "I went to live with my grandparents at a young age and I had six-inch-wide belt bruises from the back of my heels to the back of my head. That being said, that's no excuse for my actions as an adult." Louie and Shannon are trying to understand his anger for a very specific reason. "We wouldn't be fighting for it as hard as we have and going through all this if there wasn't a lot of beautiful times making it worth something to fight for," Louie says.
Dr. Robin agrees that Louie's continued destructive behavior stems from childhood pain he has yet to overcome. "You were disrespected as a child and you have physical and emotional wounds to prove that," Dr. Robin says. "We then grow up and we get involved with someone innocent, and violate them the way we were violated. We get into adult relationships and act out the stuff we saw that was a secret when we were children."
Oprah called upon Dr. Harville Hendrix, a relationship therapist whose work she calls "life changing," to help Shannon and Louie understand their marriage. His Imago Relationship Theory is based on the belief that individuals fall in love with someone whose personality is similar to that of their caretakers. "The reason for that is you want the positive and negative traits," he says. "But primarily the negative traits." Dr. Hendrix says that when a person falls in love, they may appear to be attracted only to their partner's positive traits. Subconsciously, that person is also attracted to their partner's negative traits that are connected to the unfulfilled needs of childhood. The Imago Theory is that it's not a coincidence you're attracted to your partner. "You lost [happiness during childhood] and you'll never feel fully alive again until you get it back. We think that committed partnership or marriage is the context within which those issues can be restored."
Dr. Hendrix led Louie and Shannon through Imago therapy sessions by using Intentional Dialogue exercises to help them discover and deal with the unfulfilled childhood origins of their violent relationship. The first step is mirroring, in which one person acts as a stand-in for their partner's guardian. "You listen to your partner talk and you make every effort you can to accurately hear what they're saying without criticizing it, without judging it," Dr. Hendrix says. At Dr. Hendrix's prompting, Shannon asks Louie to explain what living with his parents was like. "The only thing that you've ever cared about is yourself," Louie says. "You had kids because you thought they would make you happy, not because you wanted to take care of them or because you cared about them." With Dr. Hendrix's help, Louie went even further with mirroring. "It's not fair that you take away my childhood and take out everything that you've done wrong in your life on us. … I'm learning from you how to hurt people so when I grow up then I can hurt the ones I love," Louie says. "So living with us is like being in hell—never feeling loved, never feeling wanted, never feeling taken care of," Shannon says, as she mirrors Louie's parents. Dr. Hendrix believes that mirroring is an important first step because it allows someone like Louie to re-experience and then release his pain. "You don't get it all out in one session or with one deep experience of sobbing, but you begin to open up," Dr. Hendrix says. "When you start acting out in adulthood with hurtful behavior, you're actually acting out of that pain. If you release the pain, then you remove the power [that pain holds]."
After the mirroring experience, Dr. Hendrix asks Louie a simple, yet seemingly paradoxical, question: How do your feelings of disrespect, distrust and poor communication help you? "It keeps [me] feeling safe," Louie says. "I'm afraid to let that go. I'm afraid that I'm going to get trampled on, or she's going to walk out on me like everybody else." Shannon also "benefited" from poor communication, using it to shield herself from the reality of their relationship. "I don't expect much out of him, so he doesn't really disappoint me," she says. The emotional wall between Shannon and Louie insulated each of them from feeling even more pain, Dr. Hendrix says. "Closeness is connected with pain from childhood for both of them. Closeness has in it pain. Deep in the brain, pain is always connected to the possibility of death," he says. "In order to stay alive, I'm going to have to keep any distance." Louie maintains this emotional distance in the way he was taught by parents. Dr. Hendrix says that Louie maintains this emotional distance because he does not know how to have "appropriate separateness without being abusive verbally."
A technique Dr. Hendrix calls "behavior change request" can encourage communication and reduce partners' frustrations with each other. "Embedded in every gripe, complaint, criticism [and] frustration you have is a wish," Dr. Hendrix says. Couples need to tell each other their wishes, he says. Oprah points out that most people believe their partner should automatically know their desires. For example, isn't it obvious the dishes need to be done? Why can't he just do them? Dr. Hendrix calls this type of thinking "the illusion of romance." "It's like symbiosis," he says. "[Partners think], 'You live in my head, don't you? Don't you know what I'm thinking? Why aren't you doing it? I fuse you with me—I assume that we're just one person.'"
To begin Dr. Hendrix's behavior change technique, Louie and Shannon describe their dissatisfactions with each other. Louie's biggest gripe with Shannon is the fact that she expects him to read her mind, he says. "When you want something, you don't ask for it, and then you get angry [when I don't do it]," he says. Dr. Hendrix asks Louie to come up with three things that Shannon could do for him that would reduce his frustration. She will choose one of the three and commit to changing her behavior for three weeks. Louie's first request is for Shannon to create a daily list of household chores for him. His second request is a permanent list of things that need to be done on a regular basis. Louie's third request is for Shannon to tell him every afternoon the specific tasks that need to be done that day. Shannon says she's willing to make a daily list of things that need to be done around the house. Shannon's main dissatisfaction with Louie is that she feels lonely and wants more time with her husband. "He pretty much spends all of his time when he's at home in our bedroom," she says. Shannon's first behavior change request is for Louie to engage the family for at least one hour every day. Her second request is for him to limit the time he spends by himself. Shannon's third request is that Louie eats dinner with the family instead of alone in his room. Louie chooses to spend at least an hour with Shannon and their children every day for three weeks.
After the three-week experiment, Louie and Shannon say the behavior change request exercise has given them a new level of comfort in their relationship. "I feel more secure and I have more of a sense of hope than I've ever had in my entire life," Louie says. "I feel like I've stepped into her shoes and she's stepped into mine." By really listening to each other, Dr. Hendrix says, couples "become passionate friends. That's what we call a conscious partnership."
Dr. Hendrix says his "exercise in appreciation" only takes a few minutes a day and can transform relationships. He encourages couples to replace negativity with appreciation by finding three things every day for which to thank each other. "It is super hard, but it's the most amazing thing," Louie says, admitting that he and Shannon have only committed to one appreciation each day. "When [your partner] gives you that one appreciation, all [the day's troubles] turn off. All day you're thinking about, 'Man, that was nice and I feel good about what she said about me.' It changes your whole outlook on the day."
Food for thought...
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Mom
27th September is my mom's birthday. We normally just go out as a family for dinner during a family member's birthday. We've decided to celebrate her birthday earlier this year on a Sunday instead of the weekday.
Today, I had a good hard look at my mom. She dyed her hair. I realised she's quite hip, 50 plus already still take the effort to maintain herself and dress up. I realised she was very simple and beautiful on the inside. We brought our grandma out for the dinner as well. You see my grandma is a mother of 10 children. She stays with her eldest son, who happens to be filthy rich. My mother's siblings are all doing very well financially. So when my grandma fell ill, she was really very well taken care of and provided for. Medical bills were never an issue. She got the best treatment and care. Today, we fetched her from her house in a wheel chair. She's just recovered from treatment and was weak. From the way my mom talked to my grandma, I could see that my mom is a very filial daughter. I could see that she genuinely cares about her. So much so that she would risk her relationship with her brothers and father to share the good news of the gospel to her. When she talked to my grandma, I could see her eyes sparkle. She teased her and joked with her like they were best of friends. So yeah, filial daughter, I've so much to learn. (the filial part)
My mom is the only chinese-educated person in the family. I've always thought it must be lonely being her. She's the only gal in the family (cos the rest of my family comprises my dad and brother) and the only chinese-educated one. She's a very simple person. I've often seen her reading the bible on her bed in the room by herself. I love that picture. She uses a bilingual bible but chooses to read in both english as well as chinese. I can tell by the highlighting of verses. Today, when I looked at her, I was reminded of child-like faith again. She really believes the word. She believes so much that she claims the promises in the bible regularly by praying to God with my father everynight.
Sometimes, she can be irritating when I don't stop to think why she keeps stuffing me with food. Haha I really hate that. It's like she can't hear me when I say "mommy, kou le" for the first 2 times. She eventually gets it when the volume gets louder by the 3rd time. But yeah, that's the way she shows love. I'm never fat enough. I never have enough sleep according to her. :)
Hmm...how should I end this?
Today, I had a good hard look at my mom. She dyed her hair. I realised she's quite hip, 50 plus already still take the effort to maintain herself and dress up. I realised she was very simple and beautiful on the inside. We brought our grandma out for the dinner as well. You see my grandma is a mother of 10 children. She stays with her eldest son, who happens to be filthy rich. My mother's siblings are all doing very well financially. So when my grandma fell ill, she was really very well taken care of and provided for. Medical bills were never an issue. She got the best treatment and care. Today, we fetched her from her house in a wheel chair. She's just recovered from treatment and was weak. From the way my mom talked to my grandma, I could see that my mom is a very filial daughter. I could see that she genuinely cares about her. So much so that she would risk her relationship with her brothers and father to share the good news of the gospel to her. When she talked to my grandma, I could see her eyes sparkle. She teased her and joked with her like they were best of friends. So yeah, filial daughter, I've so much to learn. (the filial part)
My mom is the only chinese-educated person in the family. I've always thought it must be lonely being her. She's the only gal in the family (cos the rest of my family comprises my dad and brother) and the only chinese-educated one. She's a very simple person. I've often seen her reading the bible on her bed in the room by herself. I love that picture. She uses a bilingual bible but chooses to read in both english as well as chinese. I can tell by the highlighting of verses. Today, when I looked at her, I was reminded of child-like faith again. She really believes the word. She believes so much that she claims the promises in the bible regularly by praying to God with my father everynight.
Sometimes, she can be irritating when I don't stop to think why she keeps stuffing me with food. Haha I really hate that. It's like she can't hear me when I say "mommy, kou le" for the first 2 times. She eventually gets it when the volume gets louder by the 3rd time. But yeah, that's the way she shows love. I'm never fat enough. I never have enough sleep according to her. :)
Hmm...how should I end this?
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
Longestestestestestestestestest Post
Things Could Have Been Very Different
:) I just woke from a nap. So tired man. Had a crazy week. Monday was practice, Tuesday was full dress rehearsal, Wednesday I did packing of equipment, Thursday I did editing of an hour long walk in soundtrack and more packing in the evening then shifting the equipment down to expo, Friday was setup and full dress rehearsal then Saturday was anniversary itself then it was pack up. After anniversary, a crazy someone booked soccer at THE CAGE from 10pm to 1am. Sunday was care group. We had a pig out at Dragon’s Gate Restaurant followed by sports at Sentosa. Told myself Monday I must start on my assignments. As you can see, I didn’t do much. It was an idealistic goal. Too idealistic. So after lunch at Tampines, I decided to just head home and sleep rather than go to Hendra’s house to ask him questions about an assignment.
I always feel very good after a nap. I can almost see myself smiling from ear to ear after a nice nap. I love my room, on the air con, pull down the blinds, hide under the comforters and I’m well on my way to dream land. I’m ready to start on my assignment after dinner.
I’m glad at how the anniversary turned out. The stage monitors for certain musicians didn’t work out very well but it’s not too bad because I know I did my best. Hope to have better equipment from the rental company come the next big event. Ooo…Mom is calling me to eat dinner, will continue later.
Wa exciting exciting! God can work in ways we never expect. You see I use to be worried about my parents commitment in church but in the recent months have been quite at ease with their growth. I think Chandra, their care leader has done a great job. Tamar’s parents are also in the care group. Man, their CG is exciting. They all love karaoke and ever since my dad and mom joined the care group it seems the care group has become very crazy about dance as well. My parents love their care group and look forward to attending every week. Tamar asked me, “Do your parents dance in the living room in the evenings?” Ha, that’s all too familiar a sight. Her parents are starting to do that too. How interesting and highly entertaining. Anyway, for a couple of years now, a lady by the name of Evelyn has been observing my parents at the Raffles Town Club on Friday or Saturday nights dancing. Anyway, to cut the long story short cause I can’t really remember the details, Evelyn is Veron’s mom. Due to STM, I can’t remember how they got acquainted. I think Aunty Evelyn recognized them when she visited hope or something. She likes dance too, that’s why according to Veron they caught her eye. She claims my parents are really good at dance. Veron tells me my mom is very sexy when she dances. Wa, tell you, I can die when I hear that. Please spare me the details. Since my parents’ care group so into dance, one of the senior members of the CG has decided to invite a professional to teach the care group together. My dad was telling me Chandra reminded them not to cha cha in worship hahahaha, damn funny. Ooo…I’m drifting away again, anyway, that’s a great outreach possibility for them since in anniversary we tried to get Aunty Evelyn and my parents to sit together. Aunty Evelyn has been attending church for sometime now but has not converted. She’s become a seeker recently and I believe with a fun community to meet her needs, she’s just at the brink of receiving salvation. The thought of it really excited 3 of us as we discussed the possibilities over the dinner table. This Sunday they will get her to sit with them in service. So exciting! Praise You God!!! I pray for Eugene’s parents as well.
Anniversary has been very tiring but highly meaningful for me. When I have seen the lives of the people around me change, I know God is doing a real work in the church. It’s not just doing church, indeed God is really working in the lives of all our members. I feel very touched when I see Davin, Eugene and Seng on stage. These 3 are my sheep. Knowing their background and how far they’ve come really puts a certain sweetness and purpose into celebrating anniversary. There are times when I feel like giving up, but these are the times where I can gladly say at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Making our lives count together with a movement and a family that means business. Reading the testimonies of people I’ve seen in church before but are now overseas planting churches really excites and encourages my heart. This is our purpose, only one life and soon will pass, only what’s done for Christ will last.
My own life has been very changed and molded by God and this family in church. I remember August 30th, 1997. I was Secondary 3 studying in ACS (Barker). That year was particularly strange because my parents forgot my birthday. They make it a point every year to celebrate my birthday. On that day, since I had no celebration I decided to attend church with a friend who invited me. The CL (Priscilla Tan Swan Sim) celebrated my birthday for me though I hardly knew her. First thought that struck me was “Who are these crazy people?” I told myself, “Ok, after this cake, I’m not coming back.” But it was too heartless a thing to do. So I decided to attend 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks became months as I was so quickly mobilized to serve God. Through serving God together with a great bunch of people who truly love God and the church, I saw that something must be different, God must be real. So I stayed on to discover. After all, I did leave my previous church because no one seemed interested to learn about the bible. Hmm..I think that was an excuse. But nevermind… God was kind to me and relocated me to another family who was truly hungry for the word and serious about the great commission. Back then it was the people who captured my heart, as I grow more and more each year I can say that my burden for the great commission has grown. I want my life to count.
Things could have been very different because in Sec 3, I started to hang out with a bunch of friends who weren’t exactly the best kind of company. I soon picked up smoking and really stopped paying attention in class. We hung out together often, playing soccer together, going out etc. It reached a point where I hated my life. I just hated it because I saw no meaning. I saw no meaning in studies, I saw no meaning even in waking up. On weekends I’d sleep till about 3pm in the afternoon before reluctantly dragging myself up from bed.
Today, I can say that God has changed my mind by His word. By giving me an environment to grow, by giving me a purpose and a family. I’ve been sharing to many about my good results in my assignments lately. Was evaluating myself, am I becoming proud? I don’t think so. On the contrary, I’d say it’s really God who deserves the glory. I work hard so that I can present a consistent Christ follower to my friends and not have to be afraid to tell them I’m a Christian. Good results are merely a reflection of the attitudes God has changed in me.
Tony (Current shepherd) and Priscilla (First shepherd) are the people who’ve really inspired me to shine in the area of my studies. So I’d like to say a big thank you to both of you! Inspiring!
At this point, I’d also like to thank all of my previous shepherds for teaching me and being patient with me. :)
Anyway, anniversary was a blast! I finally got to meet the Yamaha PM5D. Heard it costs 300K. Wonder if the info I got is accurate. Cos 300K can buy HDB liao.
Mixing on the board is like meeting a Yeti. A certain sense of awe overwhelmed me. You also wonder when you will get to meet it again. I took a picture with the evasive creature. Will post it up when I get it.
:) I just woke from a nap. So tired man. Had a crazy week. Monday was practice, Tuesday was full dress rehearsal, Wednesday I did packing of equipment, Thursday I did editing of an hour long walk in soundtrack and more packing in the evening then shifting the equipment down to expo, Friday was setup and full dress rehearsal then Saturday was anniversary itself then it was pack up. After anniversary, a crazy someone booked soccer at THE CAGE from 10pm to 1am. Sunday was care group. We had a pig out at Dragon’s Gate Restaurant followed by sports at Sentosa. Told myself Monday I must start on my assignments. As you can see, I didn’t do much. It was an idealistic goal. Too idealistic. So after lunch at Tampines, I decided to just head home and sleep rather than go to Hendra’s house to ask him questions about an assignment.
I always feel very good after a nap. I can almost see myself smiling from ear to ear after a nice nap. I love my room, on the air con, pull down the blinds, hide under the comforters and I’m well on my way to dream land. I’m ready to start on my assignment after dinner.
I’m glad at how the anniversary turned out. The stage monitors for certain musicians didn’t work out very well but it’s not too bad because I know I did my best. Hope to have better equipment from the rental company come the next big event. Ooo…Mom is calling me to eat dinner, will continue later.
Wa exciting exciting! God can work in ways we never expect. You see I use to be worried about my parents commitment in church but in the recent months have been quite at ease with their growth. I think Chandra, their care leader has done a great job. Tamar’s parents are also in the care group. Man, their CG is exciting. They all love karaoke and ever since my dad and mom joined the care group it seems the care group has become very crazy about dance as well. My parents love their care group and look forward to attending every week. Tamar asked me, “Do your parents dance in the living room in the evenings?” Ha, that’s all too familiar a sight. Her parents are starting to do that too. How interesting and highly entertaining. Anyway, for a couple of years now, a lady by the name of Evelyn has been observing my parents at the Raffles Town Club on Friday or Saturday nights dancing. Anyway, to cut the long story short cause I can’t really remember the details, Evelyn is Veron’s mom. Due to STM, I can’t remember how they got acquainted. I think Aunty Evelyn recognized them when she visited hope or something. She likes dance too, that’s why according to Veron they caught her eye. She claims my parents are really good at dance. Veron tells me my mom is very sexy when she dances. Wa, tell you, I can die when I hear that. Please spare me the details. Since my parents’ care group so into dance, one of the senior members of the CG has decided to invite a professional to teach the care group together. My dad was telling me Chandra reminded them not to cha cha in worship hahahaha, damn funny. Ooo…I’m drifting away again, anyway, that’s a great outreach possibility for them since in anniversary we tried to get Aunty Evelyn and my parents to sit together. Aunty Evelyn has been attending church for sometime now but has not converted. She’s become a seeker recently and I believe with a fun community to meet her needs, she’s just at the brink of receiving salvation. The thought of it really excited 3 of us as we discussed the possibilities over the dinner table. This Sunday they will get her to sit with them in service. So exciting! Praise You God!!! I pray for Eugene’s parents as well.
Anniversary has been very tiring but highly meaningful for me. When I have seen the lives of the people around me change, I know God is doing a real work in the church. It’s not just doing church, indeed God is really working in the lives of all our members. I feel very touched when I see Davin, Eugene and Seng on stage. These 3 are my sheep. Knowing their background and how far they’ve come really puts a certain sweetness and purpose into celebrating anniversary. There are times when I feel like giving up, but these are the times where I can gladly say at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Making our lives count together with a movement and a family that means business. Reading the testimonies of people I’ve seen in church before but are now overseas planting churches really excites and encourages my heart. This is our purpose, only one life and soon will pass, only what’s done for Christ will last.
My own life has been very changed and molded by God and this family in church. I remember August 30th, 1997. I was Secondary 3 studying in ACS (Barker). That year was particularly strange because my parents forgot my birthday. They make it a point every year to celebrate my birthday. On that day, since I had no celebration I decided to attend church with a friend who invited me. The CL (Priscilla Tan Swan Sim) celebrated my birthday for me though I hardly knew her. First thought that struck me was “Who are these crazy people?” I told myself, “Ok, after this cake, I’m not coming back.” But it was too heartless a thing to do. So I decided to attend 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks became months as I was so quickly mobilized to serve God. Through serving God together with a great bunch of people who truly love God and the church, I saw that something must be different, God must be real. So I stayed on to discover. After all, I did leave my previous church because no one seemed interested to learn about the bible. Hmm..I think that was an excuse. But nevermind… God was kind to me and relocated me to another family who was truly hungry for the word and serious about the great commission. Back then it was the people who captured my heart, as I grow more and more each year I can say that my burden for the great commission has grown. I want my life to count.
Things could have been very different because in Sec 3, I started to hang out with a bunch of friends who weren’t exactly the best kind of company. I soon picked up smoking and really stopped paying attention in class. We hung out together often, playing soccer together, going out etc. It reached a point where I hated my life. I just hated it because I saw no meaning. I saw no meaning in studies, I saw no meaning even in waking up. On weekends I’d sleep till about 3pm in the afternoon before reluctantly dragging myself up from bed.
Today, I can say that God has changed my mind by His word. By giving me an environment to grow, by giving me a purpose and a family. I’ve been sharing to many about my good results in my assignments lately. Was evaluating myself, am I becoming proud? I don’t think so. On the contrary, I’d say it’s really God who deserves the glory. I work hard so that I can present a consistent Christ follower to my friends and not have to be afraid to tell them I’m a Christian. Good results are merely a reflection of the attitudes God has changed in me.
Tony (Current shepherd) and Priscilla (First shepherd) are the people who’ve really inspired me to shine in the area of my studies. So I’d like to say a big thank you to both of you! Inspiring!
At this point, I’d also like to thank all of my previous shepherds for teaching me and being patient with me. :)
Anyway, anniversary was a blast! I finally got to meet the Yamaha PM5D. Heard it costs 300K. Wonder if the info I got is accurate. Cos 300K can buy HDB liao.
Mixing on the board is like meeting a Yeti. A certain sense of awe overwhelmed me. You also wonder when you will get to meet it again. I took a picture with the evasive creature. Will post it up when I get it.
Friday, September 15, 2006
ANNIVERSARY!
Was at the bus stop on the way to expo today and thinking to myself, these few days really hectic, practice after practice, full dress after full dress. The more I do the more I ought to slow myself down. The last thing I want is for anniversary to be a new experience in ministry alone. I want it to be meaningful for me. So I thought, why do we give so much? Are we really giving? Or just going thru the motion of giving? It's so easy to forget. Then I said to myself I ought to intentionally give to the place I want my heart to be. For where my treasure is, there my heart will be also. I want to live in the center of God's will, therefore I should freely give of my time, treasure and gifting. That really made all the effort in the past month and a half meaningful. It made sense. Hope to be able to coax my brother into attending the anniversary service. I'm so happy to see eugene's and veron's parents already confirming their attendance, that would also mean my parents can take care of them in the service and attach them to the family group.
Had shepherding at Sentosa with Tony on Wednesday during his lunch break. He works near there and I drive, perfect combi for a shepherding at the beach. It's weird seeing a guy in office attire walking along the beach at sentosa, long sleeve and all. I almost feel shy walking beside him, hahaha. But I really enjoyed shepherding. He's one shepherd I can sense sincerity from. Someone who really enjoys spending time together. I've learnt a lot from him. We were talking about the topic of dependance on God. Situations that stretch our faith will give us opportunities to depend on Him. Has my life become too easy? No situations that stretch my faith, or should I ask, have I intentionally put myself into situations that stretch my faith? O by the way, Tony is 30 and single...STILL! Anyway, we sat under a shed by the quiet Tanjong Beach and talked. It was a frutiful shepherding.
Had shepherding at Sentosa with Tony on Wednesday during his lunch break. He works near there and I drive, perfect combi for a shepherding at the beach. It's weird seeing a guy in office attire walking along the beach at sentosa, long sleeve and all. I almost feel shy walking beside him, hahaha. But I really enjoyed shepherding. He's one shepherd I can sense sincerity from. Someone who really enjoys spending time together. I've learnt a lot from him. We were talking about the topic of dependance on God. Situations that stretch our faith will give us opportunities to depend on Him. Has my life become too easy? No situations that stretch my faith, or should I ask, have I intentionally put myself into situations that stretch my faith? O by the way, Tony is 30 and single...STILL! Anyway, we sat under a shed by the quiet Tanjong Beach and talked. It was a frutiful shepherding.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Blah blah blah...
WHAT a babe!
I meant the one on the left. LOL!!!
Anyway, that's Yung's daughter, Cheryl. Super cute.
Subject: GCO2831 (Information And Network Security)
Year: 2006
Study period: Second Semester
Assignment: Assignment 1
Student ID: kktan4
Marker(s): Md. Tamjidul Hoque
Maximum mark: 25
Pass mark: 12.5
Final grade:22.5
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm so happy. Makes me motivated to work hard at assignment 2. Thank God. After reading the sample solution I still don't understand the 2.5 marks. Hmm...must go read it again. I want to shine!
Celebrated Justin's birthday today. It was so hilarious. I brought the cake to Jeremy and said "Hey can you go prepare the cake, we'd like to celebrate Justin's birthday." LOLx!!!
Anyway, Happy Birthday Jus, you're a great brother. Thanks for always being understanding and always smiling. Meeting you never fails to light up my day. Your smile brings a certain ease and warmth. Just want to tell you that you're so precious in God's eyes and in mine.
Today, after we celebrated Jus' birthday at his house, I noted Hendra in Jeremy's room, playing a card game with him. There was something about that picture that really warmed my heart. It's like a once his sheep always his sheep kinda feeling. Or once my shepherd always my shepherd kinda feeling. :)
Yesterday's sermon really excited me. Pastor preached about bringing the Kingdom out of the walls of the church. After the sermon, he told me he was tired but I didn't notice it at all during the sermon. Instead, I could sense his conviction and excitement as he talked about the Kingdom of God. It just captured my attention and heart again.
Like the mustard seed, it will be extensive in growth.
Like yeast that works through the dough, it will be transformative in influence.
Really, really exciting...
"The church of God is breaking out in freedom, in power, in healing, salvation to the ends of the earth."
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Not Good Enough, Never Good Enough
Luke
5:1 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,† with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God,
5:2 he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets.
5:3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.
5:4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down† the nets for a catch."
5:5 Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."
5:6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.
5:7 So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
5:8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"
5:9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken,
5:10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men."
5:11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
I do, and I think You know it too. But...Haiz...
Lamentations
3:21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
3:22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
3:23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
3:24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
5:1 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,† with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God,
5:2 he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets.
5:3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.
5:4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down† the nets for a catch."
5:5 Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."
5:6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.
5:7 So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
5:8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"
5:9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken,
5:10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men."
5:11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
I do, and I think You know it too. But...Haiz...
Lamentations
3:21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
3:22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
3:23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
3:24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Give
Surprise durian cake, Topman and Adidas vouchers, pretzels, $100 ang bao, U2 turtleneck shirt, thick Oprah book, a HOTDOG from a HOT DAWG, 2 $10 Ben & Jerry’s vouchers, a pair of Adidas shoes from LEFTFOOT I’ve been eyeing for some time, Ben & Jerry’s’ cheese cake, effort to cook curry, whipped potato, lasagne and pizza, High Society album, 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry’s Marsha Marsha Marshmellow and a stress ball. These are the gifts I received for my birthday.
6 days after my birthday and starting to feel a lil weary of all the feasting and celebration. 2 more to go. I really appreciate all the thought put in. Thanks to all of you out there who consider me worth your time and effort.
I’ve eaten so much ice cream over the past couple o days. On Saturday, I had Marsha Marsha Marshmellow for dinner after service. I just whacked both the tubs haha, only to regret later in the night cos of the headache. I suppose it’s cos of the ice cream, not sure though. Had Ben & Jerry’s again with Livi, Veron, Junhuang and Baowei on Sunday. Too bad Susilawati Angkasa Lee Jialing couldn’t make it. I really miss her. Had a great time with Bao anyway. I was also looking forward to meet him. He’s a dear brother with whom I share an awkward love hate relationship. Hahaha. We didn’t talk much at first. I thought to myself since the objective of the meet up was to catch up with him I’d initiate to break the silence. I asked “Hey Bao, how’s your job?” He then answered “Can you please not ask this type of questions?” Silence………………………………………………………...
We proceeded to talk about other things and I found out he’s doing really well and shining for Jesus. Such a consistent brother.
Anniversary is drawing nearer. Everyone is busy. EXCELLENCE, PURPOSE, JOY and UNITY.
Just wanna say here that I feel very loved after I bumped into my ex-shepherd today. Chukai asked me about my studies and showed genuine concern for me, it was a very nice feeling. I won’t say we’re close. We’ve also not talked to each other in a while. But it was nice to know that he still cares for me :) It’s great to be in God’s family.
I must not stop giving. GIVE.
Mark 6:31b
O anyway, just found out today I’ll be getting a new toy for anniversary, the Yamaha PM5D! Never thought I’d have the chance to meet her. Haha… Cool man! Here I come! Anoint me, make something out of what You’ve given me to offer.
6 days after my birthday and starting to feel a lil weary of all the feasting and celebration. 2 more to go. I really appreciate all the thought put in. Thanks to all of you out there who consider me worth your time and effort.
I’ve eaten so much ice cream over the past couple o days. On Saturday, I had Marsha Marsha Marshmellow for dinner after service. I just whacked both the tubs haha, only to regret later in the night cos of the headache. I suppose it’s cos of the ice cream, not sure though. Had Ben & Jerry’s again with Livi, Veron, Junhuang and Baowei on Sunday. Too bad Susilawati Angkasa Lee Jialing couldn’t make it. I really miss her. Had a great time with Bao anyway. I was also looking forward to meet him. He’s a dear brother with whom I share an awkward love hate relationship. Hahaha. We didn’t talk much at first. I thought to myself since the objective of the meet up was to catch up with him I’d initiate to break the silence. I asked “Hey Bao, how’s your job?” He then answered “Can you please not ask this type of questions?” Silence………………………………………………………...
We proceeded to talk about other things and I found out he’s doing really well and shining for Jesus. Such a consistent brother.
Anniversary is drawing nearer. Everyone is busy. EXCELLENCE, PURPOSE, JOY and UNITY.
Just wanna say here that I feel very loved after I bumped into my ex-shepherd today. Chukai asked me about my studies and showed genuine concern for me, it was a very nice feeling. I won’t say we’re close. We’ve also not talked to each other in a while. But it was nice to know that he still cares for me :) It’s great to be in God’s family.
I must not stop giving. GIVE.
Mark 6:31b
O anyway, just found out today I’ll be getting a new toy for anniversary, the Yamaha PM5D! Never thought I’d have the chance to meet her. Haha… Cool man! Here I come! Anoint me, make something out of what You’ve given me to offer.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
24
Just felt a feeling of familiar warmth as I thought about my life on the day of my 24th birth anniversary while listening to Michael W. Smith's rendition of the song Awesome God. Days like these were meant to be set aside for the people you are intimate with. This year feels different, guess its cos they are no longer around. I miss two such people in particular. This year feels different also because of a sense of discontentment. Discontentment at where I stand spiritually at this moment. How I wish to have been closer, more faithful. But I guess there's a difference between looking at the past to learn lessons and well......just looking at the past. On a seperate note, 16 more days to church anniversary celebration at expo. This few weeks have been hectic, I've been going to nexus at least 3 times a week. Everyone is busy preparing for the big day. It gets very boring to keep doing sound. As we all prepare for anniversary, I also want to ensure my heart is prepared. I am reminded of my purpose as a christian. We're so busy preparing the praise and worship because as christians we're invited to relate with God. And so we put in the effort to prepare so that we can usher in and also remind others. As Christians we're also called to fulfill the great commission. And so, I'm reminded of my destiny. There's a task still at hand. I've got a part to play and am eagerly awaiting to see how else I can be involved.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
STONEDDD...
Just returned home from the recording of Psalm 78. Heard it will be uploaded to the church website after anniversary. I love doing recording. I love being around the twins and a wonderful lineup of musicians. We have Eugene on percussions, the talented Meya from Filipino group on brass and strings, Fenny on organ, Gerald on piano, Geoffrey on bass, Uncle Albert the screaming guitarist on electric guitar and last but not least Wendy on the drums. I love to do recording with them, they are great musicians. Feelin a bit tired after doing the recording, run up and down...old already, I need a disciple!
Anyway, was reading Ezekiel 22-23 today. I was thinking to myself, wa God is a really angry God, relentless in punishing his children for their wrong doing. Since they are always disobedient, why not just let them suffer, they will come back anyway. But amidst all the anger, jealousy and punishment, I began to see a God who is truly loving. He loved us so much that He will choose not to be passive about our sin. Rather He actively steps out to discipline, and to bring us back.
I'm very much like a hired hand many times. I think to myself, if I correct you, you don't want to listen then too bad la, I'll just leave you alone. You suffer it's not my business. I wash my hands off your case. God corrected me of this kind of passiveness today.
It's great to know that I have a God who actively fights for my heart. Now, I have to look for opportunities to apply this kind of love to others as well.
Anyway, was reading Ezekiel 22-23 today. I was thinking to myself, wa God is a really angry God, relentless in punishing his children for their wrong doing. Since they are always disobedient, why not just let them suffer, they will come back anyway. But amidst all the anger, jealousy and punishment, I began to see a God who is truly loving. He loved us so much that He will choose not to be passive about our sin. Rather He actively steps out to discipline, and to bring us back.
I'm very much like a hired hand many times. I think to myself, if I correct you, you don't want to listen then too bad la, I'll just leave you alone. You suffer it's not my business. I wash my hands off your case. God corrected me of this kind of passiveness today.
It's great to know that I have a God who actively fights for my heart. Now, I have to look for opportunities to apply this kind of love to others as well.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Wateva
Went for a 10km Sheares Bridge Run with Hendra, Eugene, Davin, Seng and Joyce today. It was a great run. We ran halfway and it started pouring like hippos and rhinos... So heavy it was actually painful as the droplets hit the skin. So drenched that my shirt became so heavy. I was really glad at how I performed today, didn't stop at all, was telling myself, no stopping, no walking... Realised the key is to regulate the breathing, focus on the breathing, not the running. If you regulate it, you won't pant easily, hence not run out of breath easily too. It was great to run alongside seng. :) (Although he's still very KEH KAO about the $10... :P) Anyway, we're all inspired for the Standard Chartered one coming up at the end of the year. Hope some other close friends would join me this time. Davin said he will run the 21km. Hendra aims to come in first for the 10km. Today he just give all of them chance only. He don't want to show power yet. They better not be too complacent, come end of the year, he will show them some colour to look look... Looking at him warm up, I feel intimidated already.
O anyway, since I'm on the topic of Hendra, must really say he's a great guy. One of the most teachable people I've met...
Hmm...this post is not structured at all. Watever la...
O anyway, since I'm on the topic of Hendra, must really say he's a great guy. One of the most teachable people I've met...
Hmm...this post is not structured at all. Watever la...
Friday, August 25, 2006
No Greater Honor
Ah…Finally, handed in my Information and Network Security assignment and completed Database Management Systems assignment. DBMS assignment due date was pushed back to 1 September. That’ll give me more time to check through. Have been sleeping at like 5 for 2 days. Chionging assignment. Actually not chiong, cos both already about 90% done. Just an excuse to enjoy a quiet night. I love the quietness. God touched me 2 nights back just to remind me He’s here with me as I did my assignment. He anointed me with wisdom. Many times when I’ve struggled to the point where I’m just about to give up, He steps in. To give me a spark of wisdom, an idea of how to solve the problem or a sudden understanding of the subject matter. Thank you Lord for your grace, though many times I’ve forgotten you and chosen to struggle on my own. Thank you for helping me see I don’t need to do my life alone. (pun intended…haha no la, I’m referring to God lor! I’ve just realized how funny that sounds…) I always say stupid things. I remember once after an overnight meeting at Seng’s place I asked Seng, “Hey, where can they sleep ar?” He said “orh, can sleep anywhere” Then I announced “Hey! You guys can feel free to sleep around.” SILENCE…CHRONOSPHERE… Anyway, I love this meaningful song titled No Higher Calling. Goes like this:
Down at your feet O Lord
Is the most high place
In your presence Lord
I seek Your face
There is no higher calling
No greater honor
Than to bow and kneel
Before Your throne
I’m amazed at Your glory
Embraced by Your mercy
O Lord I live to worship You
Lovely. Indeed, it’s the most high place. More of You and less of me. I’m stronger kneeling at Your feet than when I’m standing on my own.
Down at your feet O Lord
Is the most high place
In your presence Lord
I seek Your face
There is no higher calling
No greater honor
Than to bow and kneel
Before Your throne
I’m amazed at Your glory
Embraced by Your mercy
O Lord I live to worship You
Lovely. Indeed, it’s the most high place. More of You and less of me. I’m stronger kneeling at Your feet than when I’m standing on my own.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Can't Believe These Idiots
Check this out! It says "Extreme Graphic Content" but it's not that extreme, so go ahead, watch the video and have a blast!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFf-kW1E0Tc
I might want to try this someday, seriously.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKoB0MHVBvM&mode=related&search=
Hmm...Maybe this la...Less Idiotic. Hahaha.
So funny...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFf-kW1E0Tc
I might want to try this someday, seriously.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKoB0MHVBvM&mode=related&search=
Hmm...Maybe this la...Less Idiotic. Hahaha.
So funny...
Monday, August 21, 2006
Importance Of Correct Parenting
Watched this story on Oprah today. Rabbi Shmuley said a lot that made lots of sense. He talked about success in the workplace and how success is defined in the world. Many parents are very successful out there but fail miserably at home as parents. They give it all in the marketplace that they only have leftovers for their children. And so some of them choose the easy way out. They buy things for their kids to make up for their time away. Some are physically there but emotionally spent. The Rabbi mentioned something that stung me. I don't know why, but it just did. I will think about why...anyway, here's what he said (I can't remember his exact words but it goes something like this...). Sometimes the father returns home feeling like an absolute loser and will start to think the person who loves a loser like him is a loser². This will cause him to start withdrawing from the very person who loves him genuinely.
Here's one out of the 3 stories, check out the vdo footage too.
www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200606/tows_past_20060626.jhtml
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, the host of TLC's reality TV series Shalom in the Home, gives on-the-spot parenting advice to families in crisis. A father of eight and author of 10 Conversations You Need to Have with Your Children, Rabbi Shmuley says he aims to bring shalom—or peace—to troubled families who are collapsing in dysfunction.
Rabbi Shmuley says the greatest threat facing America today is internal. "The catastrophic decline of the American family, the utter disintegration, the decentralization of the American home is our foremost national emergency," Rabbi Shmuley says.
The root of the problem, says Rabbi Shmuley, is that families today are disconnected—and he says "checked out" parents are largely to blame.
The Hurons have been married for 16 years and have four children. Greg is a chiropractor; Ruth is a yoga instructor. They bring calm to their clients' lives—but as Rabbi Shmuley discovers during his stay with the family, there is no peace in their own home.
Ruth finds herself in a constant battle with her kids, who she says "don't really care." "They're beating us down to nothing," Ruth says.
Greg says the kids lack respect for each other and their mother. Instead, he says his kids "have become very manipulative and sneaky."
The Huron children say their mom's constant nagging fills them with anger and frustration. "My mom nags way too much," says Nick. "She picks the littlest things and argues about them and complains."
As for dad Greg, the kids say he's either ticked off or tuned out. "Normally, dad's at work, and we understand he has to be there, but even when he's home, he just says, 'Oh, I don't want to deal with that right now,'" says Forrest. "Then when he does, he just gets really angry and gets in a bad mood. He affects the whole house, basically, because it's a trickle-down effect."
Rabbi Shmuley says that children misbehave because of ineffective parenting. After assessing the Huron's situation, he offers Ruth and Greg some simple ways to change the way they parent.
Rabbi Shmuley says the Hurons are making a common mistake by parenting out of fear and trying to be their children's friend. "We believe that by coming off the pedestal and not asserting authority, they will embrace us much more warmly—it is simply not true," he says. "They will have many friends in life—they will have one father, they will have one mother."
Rabbi Shmuley says Greg is allowing his success outside the home to determine his success inside the home—when he feels he falls short, the whole family suffers. "It comes down to money and fame," Rabbi Shmuley says. "So the average guy who just does the right thing but is unknown for it feels like he's a zero."
In order to be a successful family unit, Rabbi Shmuley says Ruth and Greg need to redefine success in their lives. "The man who sits and does homework with his children when nobody is watching…The man who conquers his passions and focuses his lust on one woman—his wife—when no one's watching…To do right because it's right—that is heroic," Rabbi Shmuley says.
After putting Rabbi Shmuley's advice into action, Ruth and Greg says the family is closer than ever. Greg says Rabbi Shmuley helped him see just how much his family means to him. "I just realized that I have the greatest riches in my house," Greg says. "It was a change in my mindset. Those four children and Ruth are the best gift and treasure and the biggest success I will ever have in my life, and I put them first."
Ruth says she no longer nags her children and sees her role in a new light. "You're there to inspire, to uplift, to care for, to know that you're safe," Ruth says. "And just that awareness helped me—seeing how disassociated we were."
Rabbi Shmuley helped the Hurons implement their own "family day" for reconnecting. The family sets aside one night a week—without any interruptions from TV, phones or friends—to spend time talking, playing board games and just hanging out.
Here's one out of the 3 stories, check out the vdo footage too.
www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200606/tows_past_20060626.jhtml
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, the host of TLC's reality TV series Shalom in the Home, gives on-the-spot parenting advice to families in crisis. A father of eight and author of 10 Conversations You Need to Have with Your Children, Rabbi Shmuley says he aims to bring shalom—or peace—to troubled families who are collapsing in dysfunction.
Rabbi Shmuley says the greatest threat facing America today is internal. "The catastrophic decline of the American family, the utter disintegration, the decentralization of the American home is our foremost national emergency," Rabbi Shmuley says.
The root of the problem, says Rabbi Shmuley, is that families today are disconnected—and he says "checked out" parents are largely to blame.
The Hurons have been married for 16 years and have four children. Greg is a chiropractor; Ruth is a yoga instructor. They bring calm to their clients' lives—but as Rabbi Shmuley discovers during his stay with the family, there is no peace in their own home.
Ruth finds herself in a constant battle with her kids, who she says "don't really care." "They're beating us down to nothing," Ruth says.
Greg says the kids lack respect for each other and their mother. Instead, he says his kids "have become very manipulative and sneaky."
The Huron children say their mom's constant nagging fills them with anger and frustration. "My mom nags way too much," says Nick. "She picks the littlest things and argues about them and complains."
As for dad Greg, the kids say he's either ticked off or tuned out. "Normally, dad's at work, and we understand he has to be there, but even when he's home, he just says, 'Oh, I don't want to deal with that right now,'" says Forrest. "Then when he does, he just gets really angry and gets in a bad mood. He affects the whole house, basically, because it's a trickle-down effect."
Rabbi Shmuley says that children misbehave because of ineffective parenting. After assessing the Huron's situation, he offers Ruth and Greg some simple ways to change the way they parent.
Rabbi Shmuley says the Hurons are making a common mistake by parenting out of fear and trying to be their children's friend. "We believe that by coming off the pedestal and not asserting authority, they will embrace us much more warmly—it is simply not true," he says. "They will have many friends in life—they will have one father, they will have one mother."
Rabbi Shmuley says Greg is allowing his success outside the home to determine his success inside the home—when he feels he falls short, the whole family suffers. "It comes down to money and fame," Rabbi Shmuley says. "So the average guy who just does the right thing but is unknown for it feels like he's a zero."
In order to be a successful family unit, Rabbi Shmuley says Ruth and Greg need to redefine success in their lives. "The man who sits and does homework with his children when nobody is watching…The man who conquers his passions and focuses his lust on one woman—his wife—when no one's watching…To do right because it's right—that is heroic," Rabbi Shmuley says.
After putting Rabbi Shmuley's advice into action, Ruth and Greg says the family is closer than ever. Greg says Rabbi Shmuley helped him see just how much his family means to him. "I just realized that I have the greatest riches in my house," Greg says. "It was a change in my mindset. Those four children and Ruth are the best gift and treasure and the biggest success I will ever have in my life, and I put them first."
Ruth says she no longer nags her children and sees her role in a new light. "You're there to inspire, to uplift, to care for, to know that you're safe," Ruth says. "And just that awareness helped me—seeing how disassociated we were."
Rabbi Shmuley helped the Hurons implement their own "family day" for reconnecting. The family sets aside one night a week—without any interruptions from TV, phones or friends—to spend time talking, playing board games and just hanging out.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Longestestest Post
Recap Of My Week
Monday
Highlight of the day: Anniversary Music Practice
Really look forward to every anniversary music practice. It’s something fresh for me, something challenging. Thank God for my trusty disciple Jiayi. She’s really improved a lot. I can just tell her what to do, she knows how I want it done and how to do it. Anniversary practice went well, Uncle Albert was on reservist and Simon stood in for him. Cello was a bit soft. Mic almost cannot capture at all. Sijia cannot really hear herself because of that. When I got home, downloaded Yo Yo Ma’s stuff to learn how to mix cello. Check out Cello Suite No 1 in G major – Prelude.
Looking forward to recording of Psalm 78!
Check out my toy this anniversary. The Digidesign D-Show, lovely isn't she?
Tuesday
Highlight of the day: WAM Vision Night
Youth team did well in ushering us to worship.
Wednesday
Highlights of the day: Meeting Veron, DMM
Met Veron to discuss the band stuff. Really encouraged by this gal. Very dong si. She sets an example for us in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity though she’s the youngest in the group. Veron, if you are reading this, thank God for you, for sustaining the team, for being a source of encouragement and for showing a real desire to grow. You know she’s the kind of person I don’t mind counseling for hours on end because I can sense very strongly that she wants to grow. Not just complain for the sake of complaining. Thank God for you ron!
If you haven’t watched Lake House I suggest you just give it a miss. Makes no sense at all. Heard from Veron the YWAM gals were like “wa, so romantic…” and the guys were like “wa, wat the he#$!?!?!?!?!” after the show. Hahaha so funny.
DMM…nothing much to say, just felt a little drained after the whole thing. Anyway, it was a good time of learning. David asked a question I’ve never thought of before.
What are the top 3 core values you hold in your life?
As I reflected I could only name 2 off hand. Guess I’m still discovering. My 2 are :
1. Be Self-Sufficient
2. Never Leave The Church Of God
Basically, core values are things you really believe in. You will discover that these core values leave traces of themselves all over your life if you manage to identify them accurately in the first place. For example, if you believe in Discipleship, I can expect to see you spend more time with your sheep, I can see you investing time in people. Yeah, something like that. Good question to ask :)
Thursday
Highlight of the day: Music Practice
We MUST IMPROVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, we will, let’s just work at it.
Friday
Highlights of the day: Shepherding, Supper with Parents
Had shepherding, went there with a heart that’s just waiting to pour out. A lot of things I wanted to tell Tony. Went to harbor front to meet him. Then he started sharing to me about his problems in the office and ministry. Hahaha Turned out to be the other way around, he pour out to me… I was like waiting for a chance but it didn’t come, anyway I chose not to after a while and really listened to him. Guess I shouldn’t be so selfish. Shepherding is not just to meet my needs only. I should also learn how to meet my shepherd’s needs. I also learnt how to share other’s burdens. Have to prepare myself for work man…It’s so different and so real. So many other things to be concerned about.
After class, went to meet parents at Nexus. Family group was having missions night. Wanted to hitch a ride home. We went for supper at Geylang Lorong 9. We ate beef hor fun and then later went to Lorong 36 to eat durian. It was a great time because I’ve not seen my parents an entire week. Every night come home late. Haha, mom’s a very child-like believer. She’s always excited about prayer. A lot I can learn from her…
Saturday
Highlight so far : “Eh, did you all ta pau something for Royston?”
Just woke up and heard my brother saying this after they returned home from breakfast. My parents are systematic, one night spend time with me then next morning spend time with my brother. Anyway, it was nice to hear that he cares for me. He’s the kind who will not ask this kind of questions in front of me. He said it just now thinking I was still asleep. It was his voice that woke me up actually… nice to hear nonetheless.
My mom is funny, she likes to highlight all these. She will tell me when he’s not around, that he loves me a lot. Just now when my door was still closed (they thought I was still asleep) she said to my bro “wa you love him so much ar?” (then he went into his room and shut the door) hahahaha Shy or something…
O…Thank God, my parents are connected to CG now. They’re going to karaoke with their CG mates later. Uncle Calvin (Tamar’s father) is the organizer. Seems like my dad and uncle Calvin quite close. They are CG mates. That’s a good thing because my mom is always at her mom’s place on weekends. Sometimes dad lonely can call uncle Calvin out. I’m so glad…
http://www.donghaeng.net/english/hope/hope.swf
Saw this on Livi’s blog…Really left me thinking…
Will Jesus really have a beard when we meet Him again?
Can I not wear a robe?
Anyway, the images stuck with me throughout the whole of yesterday. We’re really not home yet. I'm tempted to put the lyrics of the song by Steven Curtis titled "Not Home Yet" but then this post is super long already...
Monday
Highlight of the day: Anniversary Music Practice
Really look forward to every anniversary music practice. It’s something fresh for me, something challenging. Thank God for my trusty disciple Jiayi. She’s really improved a lot. I can just tell her what to do, she knows how I want it done and how to do it. Anniversary practice went well, Uncle Albert was on reservist and Simon stood in for him. Cello was a bit soft. Mic almost cannot capture at all. Sijia cannot really hear herself because of that. When I got home, downloaded Yo Yo Ma’s stuff to learn how to mix cello. Check out Cello Suite No 1 in G major – Prelude.
Looking forward to recording of Psalm 78!
Check out my toy this anniversary. The Digidesign D-Show, lovely isn't she?
Tuesday
Highlight of the day: WAM Vision Night
Youth team did well in ushering us to worship.
Wednesday
Highlights of the day: Meeting Veron, DMM
Met Veron to discuss the band stuff. Really encouraged by this gal. Very dong si. She sets an example for us in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity though she’s the youngest in the group. Veron, if you are reading this, thank God for you, for sustaining the team, for being a source of encouragement and for showing a real desire to grow. You know she’s the kind of person I don’t mind counseling for hours on end because I can sense very strongly that she wants to grow. Not just complain for the sake of complaining. Thank God for you ron!
If you haven’t watched Lake House I suggest you just give it a miss. Makes no sense at all. Heard from Veron the YWAM gals were like “wa, so romantic…” and the guys were like “wa, wat the he#$!?!?!?!?!” after the show. Hahaha so funny.
DMM…nothing much to say, just felt a little drained after the whole thing. Anyway, it was a good time of learning. David asked a question I’ve never thought of before.
What are the top 3 core values you hold in your life?
As I reflected I could only name 2 off hand. Guess I’m still discovering. My 2 are :
1. Be Self-Sufficient
2. Never Leave The Church Of God
Basically, core values are things you really believe in. You will discover that these core values leave traces of themselves all over your life if you manage to identify them accurately in the first place. For example, if you believe in Discipleship, I can expect to see you spend more time with your sheep, I can see you investing time in people. Yeah, something like that. Good question to ask :)
Thursday
Highlight of the day: Music Practice
We MUST IMPROVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, we will, let’s just work at it.
Friday
Highlights of the day: Shepherding, Supper with Parents
Had shepherding, went there with a heart that’s just waiting to pour out. A lot of things I wanted to tell Tony. Went to harbor front to meet him. Then he started sharing to me about his problems in the office and ministry. Hahaha Turned out to be the other way around, he pour out to me… I was like waiting for a chance but it didn’t come, anyway I chose not to after a while and really listened to him. Guess I shouldn’t be so selfish. Shepherding is not just to meet my needs only. I should also learn how to meet my shepherd’s needs. I also learnt how to share other’s burdens. Have to prepare myself for work man…It’s so different and so real. So many other things to be concerned about.
After class, went to meet parents at Nexus. Family group was having missions night. Wanted to hitch a ride home. We went for supper at Geylang Lorong 9. We ate beef hor fun and then later went to Lorong 36 to eat durian. It was a great time because I’ve not seen my parents an entire week. Every night come home late. Haha, mom’s a very child-like believer. She’s always excited about prayer. A lot I can learn from her…
Saturday
Highlight so far : “Eh, did you all ta pau something for Royston?”
Just woke up and heard my brother saying this after they returned home from breakfast. My parents are systematic, one night spend time with me then next morning spend time with my brother. Anyway, it was nice to hear that he cares for me. He’s the kind who will not ask this kind of questions in front of me. He said it just now thinking I was still asleep. It was his voice that woke me up actually… nice to hear nonetheless.
My mom is funny, she likes to highlight all these. She will tell me when he’s not around, that he loves me a lot. Just now when my door was still closed (they thought I was still asleep) she said to my bro “wa you love him so much ar?” (then he went into his room and shut the door) hahahaha Shy or something…
O…Thank God, my parents are connected to CG now. They’re going to karaoke with their CG mates later. Uncle Calvin (Tamar’s father) is the organizer. Seems like my dad and uncle Calvin quite close. They are CG mates. That’s a good thing because my mom is always at her mom’s place on weekends. Sometimes dad lonely can call uncle Calvin out. I’m so glad…
http://www.donghaeng.net/english/hope/hope.swf
Saw this on Livi’s blog…Really left me thinking…
Will Jesus really have a beard when we meet Him again?
Can I not wear a robe?
Anyway, the images stuck with me throughout the whole of yesterday. We’re really not home yet. I'm tempted to put the lyrics of the song by Steven Curtis titled "Not Home Yet" but then this post is super long already...
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
The Best Is Yet To Be
My secondary school slogan. Sounds very cool rite? More than that, it’s meaningful when you know Christ. Indeed, we can all look forward to better days. We’re not home yet.
Went to play badminton with Stanley, Jeremy and Livi today. Was a great time. Really worked out. Perspired like mad. I was very glad to see and talk to Stanley again. Jeremy told me something that was especially encouraging. Told me that Hendra was his best shepherd cos he spent the most quality time with him. I was SO glad to hear that. That meant a lot more to me.
God wants us all to be fruitful. But when everything we do doesn’t seem to bear fruit, will we still praise Him? I’m still working on that. What does “You are more than enough for me” really mean? Am I content with just Him? Can He be my sole reward?
Habakkuk 3:17-18
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Everyday we tell ourselves loads of crap. Sometimes we should just tell ourselves to shut up and choose to listen to what God says about us.
John 12:24-25
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
Yo Yo Ma is nice!
Went to play badminton with Stanley, Jeremy and Livi today. Was a great time. Really worked out. Perspired like mad. I was very glad to see and talk to Stanley again. Jeremy told me something that was especially encouraging. Told me that Hendra was his best shepherd cos he spent the most quality time with him. I was SO glad to hear that. That meant a lot more to me.
God wants us all to be fruitful. But when everything we do doesn’t seem to bear fruit, will we still praise Him? I’m still working on that. What does “You are more than enough for me” really mean? Am I content with just Him? Can He be my sole reward?
Habakkuk 3:17-18
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Everyday we tell ourselves loads of crap. Sometimes we should just tell ourselves to shut up and choose to listen to what God says about us.
John 12:24-25
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
Yo Yo Ma is nice!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
There You'll Be
Went for 4.3km jog today with Davin. Was a good jog, think I can go for another round. But iya stop la...boring liao. Anyway, I agreed to the jog cos I'm preparing for IPPT as well as the 10km Shears Bridge thingy on the 27th. I love to jog or walk, it gives me time to pray and pour out my heart to God. My heart cry is for God to change me, I need You Holy Spirit to come and change me from the inside out. I need Your power to change me. I can't adhere to truth alone, I need Your empowerment. I'm expecting to see Your power work in me Holy Spirit.
This few days, have come to really hate my procrastinating ways. Sometimes, it's not that I want to procrastinate, but there are so many things going on at once I don't even know which to start with. Not sure if i'm making sense at all but heck this is my blog and I will use it to pour out until it makes sense! :P
Borrowed a Faith Hill DVD as I was in search of some video footage of my drum hero, Mr Vinnie Colaiuta. Realised that Faith Hill's songs are actually not bad. Very meaningful. I hear she's a Christian. A strong one too. Yea, sounds like one from her appearances at the Oprah show. Anyway, I heard this song on the DVD, There You'll Be (Pearl Harbour Soundtrack). Check out the lyrics, I love the lyrics. Wonder if she's actually singing to God. Reminds me that there's always hope when there's God. Thanks once again Jesus.
There You'll Be (Faith Hill)
When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I’ll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I’ll look and see your face
You were right there for me
In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always
In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
Tim McGraw, you lucky guy!!!
This few days, have come to really hate my procrastinating ways. Sometimes, it's not that I want to procrastinate, but there are so many things going on at once I don't even know which to start with. Not sure if i'm making sense at all but heck this is my blog and I will use it to pour out until it makes sense! :P
Borrowed a Faith Hill DVD as I was in search of some video footage of my drum hero, Mr Vinnie Colaiuta. Realised that Faith Hill's songs are actually not bad. Very meaningful. I hear she's a Christian. A strong one too. Yea, sounds like one from her appearances at the Oprah show. Anyway, I heard this song on the DVD, There You'll Be (Pearl Harbour Soundtrack). Check out the lyrics, I love the lyrics. Wonder if she's actually singing to God. Reminds me that there's always hope when there's God. Thanks once again Jesus.
There You'll Be (Faith Hill)
When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I’ll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I’ll look and see your face
You were right there for me
In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always
In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
Tim McGraw, you lucky guy!!!
Friday, August 11, 2006
A Father's Love
Watched this story on Oprah today. Touching... The son can only communicate through a special computer built on a wheel chair for him. He types by moving his head to press the keys. I tried to upload the photo but somehow it just can't be uploaded. Here's the story of a Father's love anyway. :)
Forty-three years ago, Rick was born without the ability to talk, walk or barely move. "They said, 'Forget Rick,'" remembers his father, Dick. "'Put him in an institution. He's going to be nothing but a vegetable for the rest of his life.' My wife and I cried a little bit but we talked and we said, 'We're going to bring Rick home and bring him up like any other child."
Dick knew deep down that his son was thriving on the inside, and he insisted Rick go to school. He believed with every fiber of his being that his son had something to say—and he was right. At age 12, Dick had a special computer built so that Rick could communicate. What were his first words? Not "mom" or "dad" as his parents expected. "The Boston Bruins were going for the Stanley Cup," Dick remembers. "The very first words he ever said were 'Go, Bruins.'"
Rick, born with the heart of a true athlete, made a request that would change their lives forever—he asked his father to team up for a five-mile charity race. Dick had never run in his life. "We finished the whole five miles coming in next to last," Dick remembers, "but not last. When we came across the finish line, it was the biggest smile you ever saw in your life. Rick wrote on his computer, 'Dad, when I'm running, it feels like my disability disappears.'"
After many local races, Dick and Rick take their new passion even further. Even though Dick couldn't swim and hadn't been on a bike since he was 6 years old, the two used a running wheelchair and other special equipment and began training to compete in triathlons.
The pure joy Rick experiences during each race drives his father to the finish line again and again. "Rick can't make very many sounds," Dick says with tears in his eyes, "but he does [make a certain sound] a lot when we're out there competing. … You know he's happy and he enjoys himself."
So far Rick and Dick have competed in over 206 triathlons and 64 marathons!
Dick says his son saved his life. Preparing to run their 23rd Boston marathon, Dick went to see a doctor about a tickle in his throat. An EKG revealed that Dick had suffered a silent heart attack. She informed Dick that he had a severe cholesterol problem and told him that if he weren't in such great athletic condition, he would have died 15 years ago!
"When [Rick] asked me to start pushing him that first race," Dick says, "I was not a runner and I was kind of overweight—maybe becoming a couch potato. He's got me in the best shape of my life and I just love to be out there competing with Rick. … Rick is a fighter and he never gives up. To me, he's the athlete and I'm just out there loaning him my arms and legs so that he can compete."
What does Rick want people to know? Rick is a graduate from Boston University with a degree in special education, and he even lives on his own. Through a special computer he is able to communicate his thoughts.
"Until my dad agreed to run that first race, I had no chance," Rick says through his computer. "My dad is my everything. He has made my dreams come true. To steal a line from a song, my dad is the 'wind beneath my wings.'"
Forty-three years ago, Rick was born without the ability to talk, walk or barely move. "They said, 'Forget Rick,'" remembers his father, Dick. "'Put him in an institution. He's going to be nothing but a vegetable for the rest of his life.' My wife and I cried a little bit but we talked and we said, 'We're going to bring Rick home and bring him up like any other child."Dick knew deep down that his son was thriving on the inside, and he insisted Rick go to school. He believed with every fiber of his being that his son had something to say—and he was right. At age 12, Dick had a special computer built so that Rick could communicate. What were his first words? Not "mom" or "dad" as his parents expected. "The Boston Bruins were going for the Stanley Cup," Dick remembers. "The very first words he ever said were 'Go, Bruins.'"
Rick, born with the heart of a true athlete, made a request that would change their lives forever—he asked his father to team up for a five-mile charity race. Dick had never run in his life. "We finished the whole five miles coming in next to last," Dick remembers, "but not last. When we came across the finish line, it was the biggest smile you ever saw in your life. Rick wrote on his computer, 'Dad, when I'm running, it feels like my disability disappears.'"After many local races, Dick and Rick take their new passion even further. Even though Dick couldn't swim and hadn't been on a bike since he was 6 years old, the two used a running wheelchair and other special equipment and began training to compete in triathlons.
The pure joy Rick experiences during each race drives his father to the finish line again and again. "Rick can't make very many sounds," Dick says with tears in his eyes, "but he does [make a certain sound] a lot when we're out there competing. … You know he's happy and he enjoys himself."
So far Rick and Dick have competed in over 206 triathlons and 64 marathons!
Dick says his son saved his life. Preparing to run their 23rd Boston marathon, Dick went to see a doctor about a tickle in his throat. An EKG revealed that Dick had suffered a silent heart attack. She informed Dick that he had a severe cholesterol problem and told him that if he weren't in such great athletic condition, he would have died 15 years ago!
"When [Rick] asked me to start pushing him that first race," Dick says, "I was not a runner and I was kind of overweight—maybe becoming a couch potato. He's got me in the best shape of my life and I just love to be out there competing with Rick. … Rick is a fighter and he never gives up. To me, he's the athlete and I'm just out there loaning him my arms and legs so that he can compete."
What does Rick want people to know? Rick is a graduate from Boston University with a degree in special education, and he even lives on his own. Through a special computer he is able to communicate his thoughts.
"Until my dad agreed to run that first race, I had no chance," Rick says through his computer. "My dad is my everything. He has made my dreams come true. To steal a line from a song, my dad is the 'wind beneath my wings.'"
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Thank You
The heart is deceitful.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Sometimes you thank someone not because you are truly grateful, but cos you don't want to owe anyone. Sometimes you do that to people, sometimes you do that to God. As if a "thank you" was enough... As if being at best behaviour was enough...
Isaiah 64:6 All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--
2:9 not by works, so that no one can boast.
Romans 3:24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Amazes Me (Christian City Church)
On my knees, I bow down
Sing about the healer & the hope I've found
You took my tears, took my shame
Washed them all away
Love shines down on this heart of mine
Lead me to the waters of eternal life
Once was lost, now I'm found
It's a brand new day
Your love, it amazes me
Your love, has lifted me
Higher than I can possibly dream
Your love amazes me
Hallelujah
Your love amazes me
So, sincerely from the bottom of my heart, Thank You Jesus, my saviour, my jiu(4) ming(4) en(1) ren(2), my benefactor and friend.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Sometimes you thank someone not because you are truly grateful, but cos you don't want to owe anyone. Sometimes you do that to people, sometimes you do that to God. As if a "thank you" was enough... As if being at best behaviour was enough...
Isaiah 64:6 All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--
2:9 not by works, so that no one can boast.
Romans 3:24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Amazes Me (Christian City Church)
On my knees, I bow down
Sing about the healer & the hope I've found
You took my tears, took my shame
Washed them all away
Love shines down on this heart of mine
Lead me to the waters of eternal life
Once was lost, now I'm found
It's a brand new day
Your love, it amazes me
Your love, has lifted me
Higher than I can possibly dream
Your love amazes me
Hallelujah
Your love amazes me
So, sincerely from the bottom of my heart, Thank You Jesus, my saviour, my jiu(4) ming(4) en(1) ren(2), my benefactor and friend.
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