I wanna testify!

I've been busy relaxing lately...Hahaha. I received my results for my last sem about a week ago. I can't believe my eyes when I saw that I got credit for Information Systems Management. Either the marker was blind or there was some BIG time moderation going on. I think it must have been God. Let me tell you why. Just to illustrate how tough the paper was, let me explain what I felt when I was doing the paper. I remember rushing like mad for time answering the questions and at the same time thinking hmm... I think even if I repeated this module I'd still fail this paper. That was how out of this world tough it was too me. I needed to get at least 52 marks to pass the module. As I recalled, I counted the marks I thought I could secure at the end of the paper and it only amounted to around 20-30 marks (yeah i know it sounds ridiculous). After the paper came the fear. I spent most of the time struggling thinking whether I should pray and ask God to intervene. Somehow subconsciously I felt that God could not help me since it seemed that I didn't study well enough. I was like thinking if I get 40 marks I can pray and ask God to help me la, but when I thought how many marks I could secure I didn't quite dare to ask. Perhaps I thought I didn't study hard enough. Then again I felt that I did. But since I did, how can the paper possibly be that hard? Anyway, I was desperate and needed God to help me. I know life will be complicated if I had to repeat as mentioned in my earlier post. So I prayed. Some thoughts came across my mind during this period...Is it possible to shipwreck your faith by having too high hopes? I realized I didn't dare to ask because I was afraid that God might not show up. I've heard many times that hope is a dangerous thing. It can make you or break you. Hope can give us a purpose and a passion. Yet when you commit so much of yourself into hoping, and things don't turn out the way you hoped it can really shatter and break you. But desperation drove me to pray and I hoped. I'm glad I did because if I didn't I would not have learnt the lesson that God is good all the time and God can exceed my wildest expectations.

Anyhoo, I went to JB today with shuz, mei and esmond. We went to city square to shop then headed to eat seafood somewhere nearby. Shuz bought a pair of sandals and esmond bought a soccer ball for our HPL team from city square. We went to eat at Tsih Lin Taiwanese snacks at the basement. The XXL chicken cutlet is really XXL. Not like the ones in Singapore. They are so puny compared to those in JB. Very nice. We left city square and headed to the seafood place. Driving there, we passed by a building where there were many people gathering and looking up. Curious, we also turned to look. Apparently there was a woman who was attempting suicide from the building. I looked for a while but turned away soon after because I didn't want to see the woman jump off. She was actually on the ledge. The firemen were preparing to go up. Wonder what happened after that. We uttered a prayer and continued driving. The gals kept looking but I told them not to. I think seeing someone falling off a building can be a very traumatic sight. I hope God intervened.

I'm coming to the end of Grey's Anatomy Season 2. Anyone can lend me Season 3?

Seacow

Ever wondered what seacows were? The Hides of Seacows were mentioned here and there in Numbers. I just went online to check what seacows were. Check it out...

http://www.edgeofexistence.org/species/species_info.asp?id=53



Pity the ones hunting them...

QT

Lately I’ve been going to the bathroom more than usual to bathe. I realized today why. Sometimes even in my own room (with door shut), it can be distracting. The computer sometimes distracts me from being still. So I escape to the bathroom for a relaxed slow bath as I reflect and pray.

Today as I showered, I was thinking why sometimes I will be reluctant to spend quiet time. I guess it’s sometimes cos I feel I’m not worthy. I feel rejected as a sinner who is not able to live up to the standards of the bible. As I drew near to God through prayer and reflection I remembered that it is the law that condemns but Jesus who came to dispense mercy and grace. The law tells me how I fall short but it is Jesus who shows kindness to a sinner like me. When I think of it this way, I feel more drawn to God’s presence. I remember Jesus is not the one who condemns; He was the one who claimed to come for the sick. It is the sick who needs the doctor. And He was with the sick. Healing them, being close to them. This is the same Jesus I draw near to every time I still my heart.

After this, I thought about ASKING. I watched Oprah recently and the resident psychologist told one of her guests: “Whenever you ask God for something, ask only once.” That was something that struck me because if we believe God is willing and we really know what we want and why we want it, once is all we need. After asking is where faith comes in. So asking a second time can sometimes mean we don’t believe God is willing. I thought about the persevering widow next. Luke 18:3-5 If the above statement made by the psychologist is completely true, why do we need to uphold the value of persistence? Why do we need to fast and pray? I thought about it for a while and realized we need to balance both ways of thinking. Its true that we need to ask in faith and not doubt. James 1:6-8 (but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does) but I believe sometimes God also tests our desire through time. And I believe persistence is the way to pass that test. Also I concluded God also refines our desire, sifting out ill-motives that are mixed with good intentions.

Question

Tonight, I wonder... What do I really want?

Lately...

Finished exams 2 weeks back. First 2 papers went quite well, thought 2nd paper would kill me but it was actually the 3rd which kinda did. It's all in God's hands now. I'm likely to apply for a job regardless of the result. This sem has been especially stressful. If I fail any module I will have to apply for a job without a degree in the mean time. Since it's not practical to take full time studies for only one module, I would have to go for the option of studying part time and working full time, quite complicated... This sem I pushed myself quite hard out of fear of failure. At least at this point I'm satisfied for having done my best. I mean how can I not after I have prayed? I have to give my best so that God can work through it. That's my responsibility. That's wat kept me pressing on. The thought that I had during the preparation time was this:"Roy, you still have what it takes to change the outcome of your results."


Last week was quite fruitful. Got to meet Wenjun, Jacob and gang and another friend of mine. It was a good time of catching up. Heard something said recently:"Friendship should not be limited only to the confines of a church." Food for thought. Anyway, I really enjoyed myself catching up with the guys and gals.

Also, since HPL started I have played 2 warm up matches. One thing I realised, I need to exercise so that I can enjoy the game. So I have started running and swimming a little. Come to think of it, I need to clear IPPT soon too. Training is good. The result of training is evident in that I can last longer in the game.

Yesterday was a great time after service with some of my sheep. Seng, Davin, Hen and I went out for coffee at Wisma. It was a good time of learning about investments.

Today, I finished 8/9 episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 1. Hahaha....Chiong'D. Very Nice. Fave character: George (cos I pity him, good guy...)

Tomorrow, Adobe Audition teaching for Seng and workout with Eugene. Fun!

Got this link from Seng: http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/
Very interesting, the book is sold at Kino. Ok, you can call me KPO.

:)

Don't act cute, I could so gobble you up right now!

15 Oct 07

WAM Night cum Team Ministry gathering was good for me. Normally, after each service or teaching I try to recall one or two main points. These were the 3 main points that struck me.

1. During worship, God reminded me that to be able to worship Him was my tremendous privilege.

2. Pastor Jo talked about indecisiveness. INDECISIVENESS!!! Ashamed to say, that indecisive pilot sounded a lot like me. Of course, I'm no pilot. But I sure am indecisive alright. Something that I have to change. I have to put my foot down on what I believe in. I've gotta make a stand for faith.

3. During the altar call, one thing that I really wanted God to do for me was to recapture my heart by envisioning me. There was no reason He would not. The bible says without vision people perish. I used to think vision was something very spiritual. But that night, it seemed so logical. Vision gives us longevity in serving Him, so why would He not envision us? Perhaps cos we didn't ask.

The Exodus

I have realized through the bible that often times when God wants to use a man to accomplish something, it's normally not an easy task. It often comes with a lot of obstacles that can make one wonder whether God is out to sabo you.

I'm reading Exodus now and God has told Moses to lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. Moses and Aaron talked with Pharaoh, telling him what God has told Moses and Pharaoh says he doesn't even know who this God is, why should he release the Israelites cos of an unknown god? His heart then hardened and commanded that the Israelite slaves go and get their own straw for the bricks. v10, then the slave drivers and the foremen went out and said to the people,"This is what Pharaoh says:'I will not give you any more straw. Go and get your own straw wherever you can find it, but your work will not be reduced at all.'"

If I put myself in the Israelite slaves' shoes, this is what I'd be thinking: Stupid smart aleks Moses and Aaron, make our lives so hard. The 'Exodus' he claims seem so impossible. Instead of making our lives easier, he has made it even harder. I rather be in Egypt as a slave and keep my hopes low (so that I won't be disappointed) than follow this mad fellows and ultimately be disappointed and still make my life even harder. They should have just kept quiet. v21 (Israelite foremen to Moses and Aaron) May the Lord look upon you and judge you! You have made us a stench to Pharaoh and his officials and have put a sword in their hand to kill us.

In such times, I wonder if I'd really stand the test of faith. When things seem illogical, I wonder if I can look at it and see God's hand. Will I stand back and choose the slavery of comfort and familiarity or do I choose to put my faith in God despite impending circumstances?

My Latest Craze

The Kung Fu Nai Cha beside Chippy at Far East is great too, too bad I can't find a picture. Eating curry chicken cutlet with cheese plus kung fu nai zha puts you in heaven.

O, finally, my favourite. I have been there at least once a week in the past 4-5 weeks. Check it out. Introducing... (drum roll pls) C-NAI!!!
http://www.hongkongcafe.com.sg/menu.php?id=1&r=78764447

I can't find the logo... Anyway, almost every single dish I've tried is above average. Check out the Iced Mango Pomelo. Knock out!

FRESH

Met Gerald for first shepherding session after the change. He said quite a lot of things but one thing that stuck was about approaching people, ministry, studies etc with a fresh mind and heart. When he mentioned the word 'Fresh', I could feel my eyes light up. There's something about the word. It's like bright. New. Green. Fragrant. Abundance. Won't it be great if I can approach everything with this freshness. Won't it be great if I approached every single day like this. He asked me about how I felt about the changes in WAM after all these years and shared with me the importance of approaching service to God with a fresh heart and mind. The bible tells us God's mercies are new every morning. This is the first thought that comes to mind when I think about the word 'Fresh'. How can I approach everything with a fresh heart and mind? How can I be present at every moment? Sometimes my body is here but mind and heart are somewhere else. Wondering, not daydreaming but perhaps worrying about things.

Speaking about approaching things with a fresh heart and mind, lately I've realized that the momentum in studies have drastically retarded. Perhaps it's because it's my last sem. Perhaps I just don't like the subject. I don't know. I have 2 assignments left to hand in before the last 3 papers in my academic pursuit. There's a kinda want to start work and don't want to start work kinda feeling going on within me. I'm workin on an assignment right now (ok maybe not right now cos i'm blogging!) to be handed in tomorrrow. I pray that God gives me a fresh perspective.

Anyway, check out this cute little boy. I told his dad he's got a cute son. His dad said "What to do? Like father like son." Haha -_-"


O anyway I can't get the song, 'Yours' outta my head. Steven Curtis' new album out on October 23rd. Check his site out for the vdo if you can't wait. Awesome. One of my favorite contemporary Christian artistes.

Back

I can't believe anyone still visits this blog. I almost forgot my own blog password to log in. Anyway, Justin was urging me to update my long forsaken blog. I will try to keep it running.

Wat should I share... Perhaps something I've been thinking about this whole week. Last weekend Ps Ben preached the last sermon from the Micah Series. He mentioned that Micah means "who is there like you". He spoke about the incomparibility (if there is such a word...) of God. This really got me thinking. The incomparibility of God demands an incomparible faith in Him. Because God is like no other, we should also approach Him with a faith like no other. We should serve Him and appropriate His mercy and grace in our lives like no other cos He dispenses mercy and grace like no other. As I thought about this truth, I can't help but give thanks to God. He is a God who surpasses my understanding, a God whose love is never ending in a way I can never imagine.

Jump and Anniversary have been over a couple o weeks now and I'm still thinking about what I learned from Ps PN's teaching about faith and Ps Prayuth's teaching about how we should cultivate a lifestyle of praise. I've been editting the anniversary praise and worship recordings since the Jump concert ended. I'm very glad to say that we have improved. I pray God will continue to use us to lead people into His presence. One thing I've been thinking about lately is excellence. We may not be the best in what we do, but the very least we should offer God is excellence. This is the kind of people God uses fully. It delights me every time I hear testimonies of people who give their excellence in serving God. I wish I can pat everyone of them on the back and encourage them. This is the kind of people I really really enjoy working with. I would like to mention 3 people in particular I love to work with. 1st of all I love to work with Steven. Recently in a meeting he said if we try we at least get a 50% chance of victory, if we don't we have 0% chance. After he said this I really started to understand why he always challenges me to do things I think are too idealistic. I love working with him because he rubs his passion and energy of to me. I love it. 2nd and 3rd are Jiayi from the youth sound team and Jolene from the tertiary sound team. I worked a lot with them during the anniversary and Jump. These are the gals man. Superb spirit plus competence. BEST!!! It makes me happy to see that amongst them there is not a hint of competition but an overwhelming sense of united collaboration. I love to see that. (o by the way 1st, 2nd or 3rd are in no order of preference. They are all great. And yes there are of course many of you I love to work with too, but these are worth highlighting especially cos of the hardwork and heartwork they've put in for the anniversary, conference and concert). One thing I realized about myself during this period is this. One morning the few of us (soundcrew) were sitting at Mac at D'Marquee eating breakfast. I was kinda impatient thinking "Can you guys eat faster? Let's go do what we need to do!" and mind you my own boss (steven) was busy talking about his baby and slowly munching on his burger. I realized I need to learn to enjoy spending time with people instead of making my ministry a workplace. At the end of the day, God put us together in the same ministry so that we can also build each other up. And o yeah, I have got to say this, Marquee sound system RAAAWKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I gtg bathe. Kinda excited to start bloggin again and hence up till now still haven't bathe. Hope I can keep this up though. er, I mean consistency in blogging... not the not bathing part.

Tip Of The Iceberg

I’ve been thinking a lot about something these few days and my heart just overflows with many good things. I received my results couple of days ago. I was pleasantly surprised because I thought I’d fail one module. I did not fail a single module, and even did quite well. When I received the results I couldn’t help but jump up and down in my room, run out of my room and run back in like a mad dog. And yes, I did a few somersaults on my bed. That kinda relief and happiness was hard to describe. It just overflowed.

The next day, I attended worship practice. As we sat down and gathered to pray, Mama Jac prayed something like this (I had earlier shared to her about my results): “For some of us who have done well in the exams, we know there are more to come Lord” Something like that... That struck me. After celebrating like mad, experiencing the highs of doing well, and God you’re telling me this is only the tip of the iceberg? You mean there’s more to come?! As I meditated on this and after I attended today’s sermon, I’m convinced God is for me and not against me. That He would really do something great in my life, that He will make me the head and not the tail. That He’d care about me, that He’d help me soar, that He’d be there to hold me when I fall. At worship today, I just felt something unlock within my heart. There was an unusual conviction that God wants good for me. That all He ever did was good to me. I felt an ease in surrender. I felt an ease in self-abandonment. I felt a higher calling to lead a pleasing holy life so that I can be close to the one who wants the best for me.

Micah 6:3 “My people, what have I done to you? How have I burdened you? Answer me.”

Chapter 13:Distant Deity (Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado)

In this chapter, I learnt about the holiness of God and the heart posture I should adopt in His presence. There are 3 artifacts in the ark of the covenant. The gold jar of unspoiled manna represented God's provision, Aaron's staff (which budded long after it was cut) symbolised the power of God and the tablets were God's commandments. The ark also symbolised God's presence. In this chapter, one man lay dead and another was dancing before the ark. From these scenes, we can learn a how to have a right heart posture before God.



The man who lay dead was Uzzah. He was a priest, a descendant on Aaron. The ark has been kept in the house of his father. He had grown up with it. For 30 yrs the Israelites forgot abt the ark. David wanted to do something about it. Uzzah and Ahio were put in charge of transporting the ark. They load it on an ox-drawn wagon and begin to march. On a patch of unstable road, the oxen stumble, wagon shakes and the ark shifts. Uzzah, thinking the holy chest is about to fall off the wagon extends his hand to steady it. At this, Uzzah was struck down. He was struck down because he was lax before the holy. God gave specific instructions on how to transport the ark. Only the priests could draw near after they had offered sacrifices for themselves and their families. The ark was not to be lifted by hands but with acacia poles. The priests were not to touch the sacred objects or they will die. Uzzah should have known this. He was afterall a priest. Uzzah exchanged commands for convenience, instead of using poles, they used a wagon, and bulls instead of priests. Wee see no obedience. The question is not why God killed Uzzah, rather, we should ask ourselves why does He let us live? Uzzah's story sends a sobering and shuddering reminder to all of us, to be careful not to be lax with the holy. Don't become too familiar with God's presence. After all of this, David determines to get it right this next time round. The ark is successfully transported back and David danced in front of it.



A lesson I learnt the most from this chapter is to be reverent before a holy God. Be aware of His presence in my daily life and have a healthy sense of fear. The chapter sums up teaching us to have a reverent and joyful heart in God's presence.

I don't know why blogger doesn't allow me to add a title for this post. Anyway this entry is about grace.




I'm currently reading Max Lucado's Facing Your Giants. The book talks about the life of David. The first chapter describes David as the giant slayer. He was the most unlikely of heroes. Even as Samuel went to Jesse to anoint the new king, he was not even among those considered worthy. He was out in the field tending the sheep. When he faced the giant, one could observe that he had set his sight on God. There's a stark contrast in the chapters that follow. Max Lucado proceeded to tell David's story. Our giant slayer friend starts to fall apart when Saul starts persecuting him. He falters around six times, on many of these occasions lied or deceived to protect himself out of fear. It seems he has lost sight of God. Max Lucado wrote:"Wilderness begins with disconnection and continues in deceit." David was disconnected. His wife, Michal helped him to flee Saul, but when confronted, said David forced her to allow him to flee. Jonathan, his best friend could not help him because he had to tend the court of a raving mad king father. He went to Samuel, but someone saw him and reported to Saul. He then escaped again. In times like these it's not difficult to sympathise with David. Many times out of fear, he could not see God's presence. So the author asks:"You see your giant, but is that all you see?" David finally finds a refuge in a cave in Adullam. He turns to God and soon finds refuge in Him again. God then sends many other people to join him to ultimately form his army.

The one thing that touched me a lot was the grace of God. David was later called in the new testament by God the man after God's heart. He was no saint! He committed adultery, murder, lied... He faltered. That's what happens to sinful imperfect people. I was really touched to day in worship when I thought about this. Grace is getting something we don't deserve. That is the love and forgiveness of God. I thought of this verse. Hebrews 4:15-16 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

30th June '07

What an eventful day with the bunch I enjoy so much. We went to Sentosa to spend some time with Wenjun as it was his birth day on 27th. We met at Vivo then took a train to Sentosa. Walked around a bit then headed to Cafe Del Mar for drinks as we waited for Esmond, Mei Mei and Veron to arrive. The names of the shooters are vulgar man... Anyway, we had a good talk at the bar. One of us ordered 6 asparagus' wrapped in thin beef for 10 bucks. I felt that was totally ridiculous. Anyway, just being able to sit around in the presence of good friends was enough to compensate for that utter waste of money.

After Veron, Esmond and Mei reached we headed to Vivo to eat at Shin Kushiya. The food was not bad, but not very filling, so, many of them headed to food court next to fill their stomachs with Toast Box and 7 dollar laksas. O, the laksa was heavenly by the way. Vivo food republic.

I headed home with very good memories. This is probably one of the very rare times so many of us managed to make it. The people there on that day were Esmond, Mei, Davin, Veron, Livi, Hendra, Gerald, Bao, Wenjun and Eugene. I went home thinking about a lot of things. I really miss those times. I'm so glad to have the opportunity to catch up with them.

Faith

Was reading Luke, the days that led up to Jesus' crucifixion. I thought about the disciples and followers. It must have been hard, their hope for a saviour was now shattered. The one who claimed to bring them salvation has now Himself been crucified. He did not even respond to saving Himself when the criminal challenged Him. All that remains are memories of His teaching and experiences with Him. Many of them did not believe what He had claimed though they heard and saw the things He did. He claimed He would rise from the dead, some did not understand and some did not believe till He appeared before them after resurrecting.

One lesson I learnt through this passage is that we need to have faith, and hold on to the promises of God. If God has put a dream within your heart, then you should cling on to it, persevering in faith to see it come to pass. Without faith, it is impossible to please God.

Spiritual Family

Got to hang out with Hendra, Joe, Justin and Livi on Sunday after service. Had a simple dinner at a Hainanese food place. It was really a good time, it felt like family. :) Really enjoyed myself thoroughly. I love being around you guys. We should catch up more.

Live Like You Were Dying

Tim McGraw

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do

and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again

and then
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

I love this song. Awesome lyrics. Check it out. What would I do if I only have a few weeks left to live? How would my lifestyle change? Such an interesting thought.

I'm BACK!!!

Breathe

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I I'm desperate for you
And I I'm I'm lost without you

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
this is my daily bread
your very word spoken to me

And I'm, I'm desperate for you
And I'm, I'm lost without you

And I'm desperate for you
And I'm, I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm desperate for you.



I wonder who still comes here. I've just ended my last paper yesterday. It feels like I've just ended a marathon. It all started from the second batch of assignments about 2 months ago. After assignments came the exam. One thing I've noticed, I don't handle prolonged stress very well. Throughout this marathon, I've noticed so many things in my life fall out of it's rightful place. I thank God it's over, but I believe there's a lot to learn as I evaluate myself. For now, it's holiday! Till next time!

What A Friend

Used to sing this hymn in my previous church. Recently, it kept coming to mind...Indeed, what needless pain we bear.

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.