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119 Mariam Way, I was sitting alone in my house in 1997. I had just returned from school and the house had an unfamiliar silence. I turned around from the couch I was sitting on to face an empty chair. A sudden surge of emotions filled my heart. Loneliness prevailed.

Today I was at the Healing Conference. All day long and many days before I had been battling with God. There were some struggles in my heart that I couldn't let go of. My mind had been cluttered and I just couldn't get things straight. Sleep was a good escape from all the madness that was in my mind. Many times I just felt everything was too overwhelming for me to take in. Sleep was like resting an overheated PC. When I woke I will feel better for a few hours before everything started to flood my mind again. I had many questions in my mind about God meeting my needs, and until I sense a breakthrough in my spirit, responding biblically would only be a discipline. As I worshipped God at the conference, I worshipped with all my heart, I needed God to touch me. I needed Him to give me the strength to respond. Towards the end of the conference, during the alter call, Peter Truong said something that struck me so tenderly that I began to tear. Throughout the whole worship I teared. He said:"It was Him who first loved us." 1 John 4:19 That brought back memories of how God first touched me.

In 1997, I lost my grandmother. Someone who was extremely dear to me. I remember wondering how life would be when she passes away. I dreaded to think of it then. Dad and mom worked during the day and would leave me with granny to be taken care of. She loved me dearly. As the years pass, I grew to love her more and more. She had a special place in my heart. One week after the cremation, I remember returning home feeling that aweful sense of loneliness. As I sat there, in the living room, I couldn't help but cry. It was then that God filled my heart with His presence. I felt love, I felt peace.

When God reminded me of this scene today, all my arguements with God were silenced and replaced with a compelling response to continue to serve and love Him with all my heart. I felt that I don't need to worry about taking care of my own needs when I take care of others' needs. I knew the one who took care of me then will continue to be faithful to love and take care of my needs.

Thank you Jesus, I can't stop thinking about how you've been so faithful to me all these years. I love the way you surprise me.