Words of my Mouth and Meditations of my Heart

I wanna testify!

2007-12-05T01:56:00.000+08:00

I've been busy relaxing lately...Hahaha. I received my results for my last sem about a week ago. I can't believe my eyes when I saw that I got credit for Information Systems Management. Either the marker was blind or there was some BIG time moderation going on. I think it must have been God. Let me tell you why. Just to illustrate how tough the paper was, let me explain what I felt when I was doing the paper. I remember rushing like mad for time answering the questions and at the same time thinking hmm... I think even if I repeated this module I'd still fail this paper. That was how out of this world tough it was too me. I needed to get at least 52 marks to pass the module. As I recalled, I counted the marks I thought I could secure at the end of the paper and it only amounted to around 20-30 marks (yeah i know it sounds ridiculous). After the paper came the fear. I spent most of the time struggling thinking whether I should pray and ask God to intervene. Somehow subconsciously I felt that God could not help me since it seemed that I didn't study well enough. I was like thinking if I get 40 marks I can pray and ask God to help me la, but when I thought how many marks I could secure I didn't quite dare to ask. Perhaps I thought I didn't study hard enough. Then again I felt that I did. But since I did, how can the paper possibly be that hard? Anyway, I was desperate and needed God to help me. I know life will be complicated if I had to repeat as mentioned in my earlier post. So I prayed. Some thoughts came across my mind during this period...Is it possible to shipwreck your faith by having too high hopes? I realized I didn't dare to ask because I was afraid that God might not show up. I've heard many times that hope is a dangerous thing. It can make you or break you. Hope can give us a purpose and a passion. Yet when you commit so much of yourself into hoping, and things don't turn out the way you hoped it can really shatter and break you. But desperation drove me to pray and I hoped. I'm glad I did because if I didn't I would not have learnt the lesson that God is good all the time and God can exceed my wildest expectations.

Anyhoo, I went to JB today with shuz, mei and esmond. We went to city square to shop then headed to eat seafood somewhere nearby. Shuz bought a pair of sandals and esmond bought a soccer ball for our HPL team from city square. We went to eat at Tsih Lin Taiwanese snacks at the basement. The XXL chicken cutlet is really XXL. Not like the ones in Singapore. They are so puny compared to those in JB. Very nice. We left city square and headed to the seafood place. Driving there, we passed by a building where there were many people gathering and looking up. Curious, we also turned to look. Apparently there was a woman who was attempting suicide from the building. I looked for a while but turned away soon after because I didn't want to see the woman jump off. She was actually on the ledge. The firemen were preparing to go up. Wonder what happened after that. We uttered a prayer and continued driving. The gals kept looking but I told them not to. I think seeing someone falling off a building can be a very traumatic sight. I hope God intervened.

I'm coming to the end of Grey's Anatomy Season 2. Anyone can lend me Season 3?

Seacow

2007-12-03T12:10:00.001+08:00

Ever wondered what seacows were? The Hides of Seacows were mentioned here and there in Numbers. I just went online to check what seacows were. Check it out...

http://www.edgeofexistence.org/species/species_info.asp?id=53

Pity the ones hunting them...

QT

2007-11-24T18:22:00.000+08:00

Lately I’ve been going to the bathroom more than usual to bathe. I realized today why. Sometimes even in my own room (with door shut), it can be distracting. The computer sometimes distracts me from being still. So I escape to the bathroom for a relaxed slow bath as I reflect and pray.

Today as I showered, I was thinking why sometimes I will be reluctant to spend quiet time. I guess it’s sometimes cos I feel I’m not worthy. I feel rejected as a sinner who is not able to live up to the standards of the bible. As I drew near to God through prayer and reflection I remembered that it is the law that condemns but Jesus who came to dispense mercy and grace. The law tells me how I fall short but it is Jesus who shows kindness to a sinner like me. When I think of it this way, I feel more drawn to God’s presence. I remember Jesus is not the one who condemns; He was the one who claimed to come for the sick. It is the sick who needs the doctor. And He was with the sick. Healing them, being close to them. This is the same Jesus I draw near to every time I still my heart.

After this, I thought about ASKING. I watched Oprah recently and the resident psychologist told one of her guests: “Whenever you ask God for something, ask only once.” That was something that struck me because if we believe God is willing and we really know what we want and why we want it, once is all we need. After asking is where faith comes in. So asking a second time can sometimes mean we don’t believe God is willing. I thought about the persevering widow next. Luke 18:3-5 If the above statement made by the psychologist is completely true, why do we need to uphold the value of persistence? Why do we need to fast and pray? I thought about it for a while and realized we need to balance both ways of thinking. Its true that we need to ask in faith and not doubt. James 1:6-8 (but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does) but I believe sometimes God also tests our desire through time. And I believe persistence is the way to pass that test. Also I concluded God also refines our desire, sifting out ill-motives that are mixed with good intentions.

Question

2007-11-22T01:17:00.000+08:00

Tonight, I wonder... What do I really want?

Lately...

2007-11-20T01:33:00.000+08:00

Finished exams 2 weeks back. First 2 papers went quite well, thought 2nd paper would kill me but it was actually the 3rd which kinda did. It's all in God's hands now. I'm likely to apply for a job regardless of the result. This sem has been especially stressful. If I fail any module I will have to apply for a job without a degree in the mean time. Since it's not practical to take full time studies for only one module, I would have to go for the option of studying part time and working full time, quite complicated... This sem I pushed myself quite hard out of fear of failure. At least at this point I'm satisfied for having done my best. I mean how can I not after I have prayed? I have to give my best so that God can work through it. That's my responsibility. That's wat kept me pressing on. The thought that I had during the preparation time was this:"Roy, you still have what it takes to change the outcome of your results."

Last week was quite fruitful. Got to meet Wenjun, Jacob and gang and another friend of mine. It was a good time of catching up. Heard something said recently:"Friendship should not be limited only to the confines of a church." Food for thought. Anyway, I really enjoyed myself catching up with the guys and gals.

Also, since HPL started I have played 2 warm up matches. One thing I realised, I need to exercise so that I can enjoy the game. So I have started running and swimming a little. Come to think of it, I need to clear IPPT soon too. Training is good. The result of training is evident in that I can last longer in the game.

Yesterday was a great time after service with some of my sheep. Seng, Davin, Hen and I went out for coffee at Wisma. It was a good time of learning about investments.

Today, I finished 8/9 episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 1. Hahaha....Chiong'D. Very Nice. Fave character: George (cos I pity him, good guy...)

Tomorrow, Adobe Audition teaching for Seng and workout with Eugene. Fun!

Got this link from Seng: http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/
Very interesting, the book is sold at Kino. Ok, you can call me KPO.

:)

2007-10-22T12:28:00.000+08:00

Don't act cute, I could so gobble you up right now!

15 Oct 07

2007-10-16T20:56:00.001+08:00

WAM Night cum Team Ministry gathering was good for me. Normally, after each service or teaching I try to recall one or two main points. These were the 3 main points that struck me.

1. During worship, God reminded me that to be able to worship Him was my tremendous privilege.

2. Pastor Jo talked about indecisiveness. INDECISIVENESS!!! Ashamed to say, that indecisive pilot sounded a lot like me. Of course, I'm no pilot. But I sure am indecisive alright. Something that I have to change. I have to put my foot down on what I believe in. I've gotta make a stand for faith.

3. During the altar call, one thing that I really wanted God to do for me was to recapture my heart by envisioning me. There was no reason He would not. The bible says without vision people perish. I used to think vision was something very spiritual. But that night, it seemed so logical. Vision gives us longevity in serving Him, so why would He not envision us? Perhaps cos we didn't ask.

The Exodus

2007-10-11T12:25:00.000+08:00

I have realized through the bible that often times when God wants to use a man to accomplish something, it's normally not an easy task. It often comes with a lot of obstacles that can make one wonder whether God is out to sabo you.

I'm reading Exodus now and God has told Moses to lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. Moses and Aaron talked with Pharaoh, telling him what God has told Moses and Pharaoh says he doesn't even know who this God is, why should he release the Israelites cos of an unknown god? His heart then hardened and commanded that the Israelite slaves go and get their own straw for the bricks. v10, then the slave drivers and the foremen went out and said to the people,"This is what Pharaoh says:'I will not give you any more straw. Go and get your own straw wherever you can find it, but your work will not be reduced at all.'"

If I put myself in the Israelite slaves' shoes, this is what I'd be thinking: Stupid smart aleks Moses and Aaron, make our lives so hard. The 'Exodus' he claims seem so impossible. Instead of making our lives easier, he has made it even harder. I rather be in Egypt as a slave and keep my hopes low (so that I won't be disappointed) than follow this mad fellows and ultimately be disappointed and still make my life even harder. They should have just kept quiet. v21 (Israelite foremen to Moses and Aaron) May the Lord look upon you and judge you! You have made us a stench to Pharaoh and his officials and have put a sword in their hand to kill us.

In such times, I wonder if I'd really stand the test of faith. When things seem illogical, I wonder if I can look at it and see God's hand. Will I stand back and choose the slavery of comfort and familiarity or do I choose to put my faith in God despite impending circumstances?

My Latest Craze

2007-10-11T12:23:00.000+08:00

The Kung Fu Nai Cha beside Chippy at Far East is great too, too bad I can't find a picture. Eating curry chicken cutlet with cheese plus kung fu nai zha puts you in heaven.

O, finally, my favourite. I have been there at least once a week in the past 4-5 weeks. Check it out. Introducing... (drum roll pls) C-NAI!!!
http://www.hongkongcafe.com.sg/menu.php?id=1&r=78764447

I can't find the logo... Anyway, almost every single dish I've tried is above average. Check out the Iced Mango Pomelo. Knock out!

FRESH

2007-10-09T11:15:00.000+08:00

Met Gerald for first shepherding session after the change. He said quite a lot of things but one thing that stuck was about approaching people, ministry, studies etc with a fresh mind and heart. When he mentioned the word 'Fresh', I could feel my eyes light up. There's something about the word. It's like bright. New. Green. Fragrant. Abundance. Won't it be great if I can approach everything with this freshness. Won't it be great if I approached every single day like this. He asked me about how I felt about the changes in WAM after all these years and shared with me the importance of approaching service to God with a fresh heart and mind. The bible tells us God's mercies are new every morning. This is the first thought that comes to mind when I think about the word 'Fresh'. How can I approach everything with a fresh heart and mind? How can I be present at every moment? Sometimes my body is here but mind and heart are somewhere else. Wondering, not daydreaming but perhaps worrying about things.

Speaking about approaching things with a fresh heart and mind, lately I've realized that the momentum in studies have drastically retarded. Perhaps it's because it's my last sem. Perhaps I just don't like the subject. I don't know. I have 2 assignments left to hand in before the last 3 papers in my academic pursuit. There's a kinda want to start work and don't want to start work kinda feeling going on within me. I'm workin on an assignment right now (ok maybe not right now cos i'm blogging!) to be handed in tomorrrow. I pray that God gives me a fresh perspective.

Anyway, check out this cute little boy. I told his dad he's got a cute son. His dad said "What to do? Like father like son." Haha -_-"

O anyway I can't get the song, 'Yours' outta my head. Steven Curtis' new album out on October 23rd. Check his site out for the vdo if you can't wait. Awesome. One of my favorite contemporary Christian artistes.

Back

2007-10-06T23:28:00.001+08:00

I can't believe anyone still visits this blog. I almost forgot my own blog password to log in. Anyway, Justin was urging me to update my long forsaken blog. I will try to keep it running.

Wat should I share... Perhaps something I've been thinking about this whole week. Last weekend Ps Ben preached the last sermon from the Micah Series. He mentioned that Micah means "who is there like you". He spoke about the incomparibility (if there is such a word...) of God. This really got me thinking. The incomparibility of God demands an incomparible faith in Him. Because God is like no other, we should also approach Him with a faith like no other. We should serve Him and appropriate His mercy and grace in our lives like no other cos He dispenses mercy and grace like no other. As I thought about this truth, I can't help but give thanks to God. He is a God who surpasses my understanding, a God whose love is never ending in a way I can never imagine.

Jump and Anniversary have been over a couple o weeks now and I'm still thinking about what I learned from Ps PN's teaching about faith and Ps Prayuth's teaching about how we should cultivate a lifestyle of praise. I've been editting the anniversary praise and worship recordings since the Jump concert ended. I'm very glad to say that we have improved. I pray God will continue to use us to lead people into His presence. One thing I've been thinking about lately is excellence. We may not be the best in what we do, but the very least we should offer God is excellence. This is the kind of people God uses fully. It delights me every time I hear testimonies of people who give their excellence in serving God. I wish I can pat everyone of them on the back and encourage them. This is the kind of people I really really enjoy working with. I would like to mention 3 people in particular I love to work with. 1st of all I love to work with Steven. Recently in a meeting he said if we try we at least get a 50% chance of victory, if we don't we have 0% chance. After he said this I really started to understand why he always challenges me to do things I think are too idealistic. I love working with him because he rubs his passion and energy of to me. I love it. 2nd and 3rd are Jiayi from the youth sound team and Jolene from the tertiary sound team. I worked a lot with them during the anniversary and Jump. These are the gals man. Superb spirit plus competence. BEST!!! It makes me happy to see that amongst them there is not a hint of competition but an overwhelming sense of united collaboration. I love to see that. (o by the way 1st, 2nd or 3rd are in no order of preference. They are all great. And yes there are of course many of you I love to work with too, but these are worth highlighting especially cos of the hardwork and heartwork they've put in for the anniversary, conference and concert). One thing I realized about myself during this period is this. One morning the few of us (soundcrew) were sitting at Mac at D'Marquee eating breakfast. I was kinda impatient thinking "Can you guys eat faster? Let's go do what we need to do!" and mind you my own boss (steven) was busy talking about his baby and slowly munching on his burger. I realized I need to learn to enjoy spending time with people instead of making my ministry a workplace. At the end of the day, God put us together in the same ministry so that we can also build each other up. And o yeah, I have got to say this, Marquee sound system RAAAWKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I gtg bathe. Kinda excited to start bloggin again and hence up till now still haven't bathe. Hope I can keep this up though. er, I mean consistency in blogging... not the not bathing part.

Tip Of The Iceberg

2007-07-16T01:22:00.003+08:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about something these few days and my heart just overflows with many good things. I received my results couple of days ago. I was pleasantly surprised because I thought I’d fail one module. I did not fail a single module, and even did quite well. When I received the results I couldn’t help but jump up and down in my room, run out of my room and run back in like a mad dog. And yes, I did a few somersaults on my bed. That kinda relief and happiness was hard to describe. It just overflowed.

The next day, I attended worship practice. As we sat down and gathered to pray, Mama Jac prayed something like this (I had earlier shared to her about my results): “For some of us who have done well in the exams, we know there are more to come Lord” Something like that... That struck me. After celebrating like mad, experiencing the highs of doing well, and God you’re telling me this is only the tip of the iceberg? You mean there’s more to come?! As I meditated on this and after I attended today’s sermon, I’m convinced God is for me and not against me. That He would really do something great in my life, that He will make me the head and not the tail. That He’d care about me, that He’d help me soar, that He’d be there to hold me when I fall. At worship today, I just felt something unlock within my heart. There was an unusual conviction that God wants good for me. That all He ever did was good to me. I felt an ease in surrender. I felt an ease in self-abandonment. I felt a higher calling to lead a pleasing holy life so that I can be close to the one who wants the best for me.

Micah 6:3 “My people, what have I done to you? How have I burdened you? Answer me.”

Chapter 13:Distant Deity (Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado)

2007-07-12T11:25:00.000+08:00

In this chapter, I learnt about the holiness of God and the heart posture I should adopt in His presence. There are 3 artifacts in the ark of the covenant. The gold jar of unspoiled manna represented God's provision, Aaron's staff (which budded long after it was cut) symbolised the power of God and the tablets were God's commandments. The ark also symbolised God's presence. In this chapter, one man lay dead and another was dancing before the ark. From these scenes, we can learn a how to have a right heart posture before God.

The man who lay dead was Uzzah. He was a priest, a descendant on Aaron. The ark has been kept in the house of his father. He had grown up with it. For 30 yrs the Israelites forgot abt the ark. David wanted to do something about it. Uzzah and Ahio were put in charge of transporting the ark. They load it on an ox-drawn wagon and begin to march. On a patch of unstable road, the oxen stumble, wagon shakes and the ark shifts. Uzzah, thinking the holy chest is about to fall off the wagon extends his hand to steady it. At this, Uzzah was struck down. He was struck down because he was lax before the holy. God gave specific instructions on how to transport the ark. Only the priests could draw near after they had offered sacrifices for themselves and their families. The ark was not to be lifted by hands but with acacia poles. The priests were not to touch the sacred objects or they will die. Uzzah should have known this. He was afterall a priest. Uzzah exchanged commands for convenience, instead of using poles, they used a wagon, and bulls instead of priests. Wee see no obedience. The question is not why God killed Uzzah, rather, we should ask ourselves why does He let us live? Uzzah's story sends a sobering and shuddering reminder to all of us, to be careful not to be lax with the holy. Don't become too familiar with God's presence. After all of this, David determines to get it right this next time round. The ark is successfully transported back and David danced in front of it.

A lesson I learnt the most from this chapter is to be reverent before a holy God. Be aware of His presence in my daily life and have a healthy sense of fear. The chapter sums up teaching us to have a reverent and joyful heart in God's presence.

2007-07-09T01:11:00.000+08:00

I don't know why blogger doesn't allow me to add a title for this post. Anyway this entry is about grace.

I'm currently reading Max Lucado's Facing Your Giants. The book talks about the life of David. The first chapter describes David as the giant slayer. He was the most unlikely of heroes. Even as Samuel went to Jesse to anoint the new king, he was not even among those considered worthy. He was out in the field tending the sheep. When he faced the giant, one could observe that he had set his sight on God. There's a stark contrast in the chapters that follow. Max Lucado proceeded to tell David's story. Our giant slayer friend starts to fall apart when Saul starts persecuting him. He falters around six times, on many of these occasions lied or deceived to protect himself out of fear. It seems he has lost sight of God. Max Lucado wrote:"Wilderness begins with disconnection and continues in deceit." David was disconnected. His wife, Michal helped him to flee Saul, but when confronted, said David forced her to allow him to flee. Jonathan, his best friend could not help him because he had to tend the court of a raving mad king father. He went to Samuel, but someone saw him and reported to Saul. He then escaped again. In times like these it's not difficult to sympathise with David. Many times out of fear, he could not see God's presence. So the author asks:"You see your giant, but is that all you see?" David finally finds a refuge in a cave in Adullam. He turns to God and soon finds refuge in Him again. God then sends many other people to join him to ultimately form his army.

The one thing that touched me a lot was the grace of God. David was later called in the new testament by God the man after God's heart. He was no saint! He committed adultery, murder, lied... He faltered. That's what happens to sinful imperfect people. I was really touched to day in worship when I thought about this. Grace is getting something we don't deserve. That is the love and forgiveness of God. I thought of this verse. Hebrews 4:15-16 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

30th June '07

2007-07-04T21:14:00.000+08:00

What an eventful day with the bunch I enjoy so much. We went to Sentosa to spend some time with Wenjun as it was his birth day on 27th. We met at Vivo then took a train to Sentosa. Walked around a bit then headed to Cafe Del Mar for drinks as we waited for Esmond, Mei Mei and Veron to arrive. The names of the shooters are vulgar man... Anyway, we had a good talk at the bar. One of us ordered 6 asparagus' wrapped in thin beef for 10 bucks. I felt that was totally ridiculous. Anyway, just being able to sit around in the presence of good friends was enough to compensate for that utter waste of money.

After Veron, Esmond and Mei reached we headed to Vivo to eat at Shin Kushiya. The food was not bad, but not very filling, so, many of them headed to food court next to fill their stomachs with Toast Box and 7 dollar laksas. O, the laksa was heavenly by the way. Vivo food republic.

I headed home with very good memories. This is probably one of the very rare times so many of us managed to make it. The people there on that day were Esmond, Mei, Davin, Veron, Livi, Hendra, Gerald, Bao, Wenjun and Eugene. I went home thinking about a lot of things. I really miss those times. I'm so glad to have the opportunity to catch up with them.

Faith

2007-06-27T12:37:00.000+08:00

Was reading Luke, the days that led up to Jesus' crucifixion. I thought about the disciples and followers. It must have been hard, their hope for a saviour was now shattered. The one who claimed to bring them salvation has now Himself been crucified. He did not even respond to saving Himself when the criminal challenged Him. All that remains are memories of His teaching and experiences with Him. Many of them did not believe what He had claimed though they heard and saw the things He did. He claimed He would rise from the dead, some did not understand and some did not believe till He appeared before them after resurrecting.

One lesson I learnt through this passage is that we need to have faith, and hold on to the promises of God. If God has put a dream within your heart, then you should cling on to it, persevering in faith to see it come to pass. Without faith, it is impossible to please God.

Spiritual Family

2007-06-27T00:51:00.001+08:00

Got to hang out with Hendra, Joe, Justin and Livi on Sunday after service. Had a simple dinner at a Hainanese food place. It was really a good time, it felt like family. :) Really enjoyed myself thoroughly. I love being around you guys. We should catch up more.

Live Like You Were Dying

2007-06-25T09:51:00.000+08:00

Tim McGraw

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do

and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again

and then
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

I love this song. Awesome lyrics. Check it out. What would I do if I only have a few weeks left to live? How would my lifestyle change? Such an interesting thought.

I'm BACK!!!

2007-06-22T09:54:00.000+08:00

Breathe

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I I'm desperate for you
And I I'm I'm lost without you

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
this is my daily bread
your very word spoken to me

And I'm, I'm desperate for you
And I'm, I'm lost without you

And I'm desperate for you
And I'm, I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm desperate for you.

I wonder who still comes here. I've just ended my last paper yesterday. It feels like I've just ended a marathon. It all started from the second batch of assignments about 2 months ago. After assignments came the exam. One thing I've noticed, I don't handle prolonged stress very well. Throughout this marathon, I've noticed so many things in my life fall out of it's rightful place. I thank God it's over, but I believe there's a lot to learn as I evaluate myself. For now, it's holiday! Till next time!

What A Friend

2007-05-07T09:48:00.000+08:00

Used to sing this hymn in my previous church. Recently, it kept coming to mind...Indeed, what needless pain we bear.

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

Recent Events

2007-05-02T00:22:00.000+08:00

Went for dinner on a Saturday evening with Livi, Hendra, Shuping, Gerald, Esmond and Eugene. It's nice to meet old friends for a simple dinner on a relaxed Saturday evening.

Eugene claims he came out of his mom's womb with that pose. -_-"'

Someone said I look like I'm promoting Levi's. That's not Levi's by the way, it's Zara. I love this pair of jeans.

Went swimming and catching up with Daniel recently. I was excited to meet you Dan cos I know we share the same heart.

11th April, Dad's Birthday. I look so buei song cos I was woken to cut cake with Dad before they all go to work. :P

Some Random Photos

2007-04-13T02:44:00.000+08:00

2007-04-03T11:17:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wanted more in your life? If not, why? Are you happy where you are? With what you have? If not, why? Are you too comfortable with what you already have, where you already are? Sometimes everything in our life is status quo because we don’t desire more. We’re happy as we are. Happy with what we have. Comfortable where we are. Contented or complacent? Sometimes God doesn’t give more because we have not grown in faithfulness. So if you are happy where you are today, why not dream bigger? Why not ask? And if you ask, the correct question should be, how can I prepare myself so that God is able to give me more?

290307

2007-03-30T02:10:00.000+08:00

119 Mariam Way, I was sitting alone in my house in 1997. I had just returned from school and the house had an unfamiliar silence. I turned around from the couch I was sitting on to face an empty chair. A sudden surge of emotions filled my heart. Loneliness prevailed.

Today I was at the Healing Conference. All day long and many days before I had been battling with God. There were some struggles in my heart that I couldn't let go of. My mind had been cluttered and I just couldn't get things straight. Sleep was a good escape from all the madness that was in my mind. Many times I just felt everything was too overwhelming for me to take in. Sleep was like resting an overheated PC. When I woke I will feel better for a few hours before everything started to flood my mind again. I had many questions in my mind about God meeting my needs, and until I sense a breakthrough in my spirit, responding biblically would only be a discipline. As I worshipped God at the conference, I worshipped with all my heart, I needed God to touch me. I needed Him to give me the strength to respond. Towards the end of the conference, during the alter call, Peter Truong said something that struck me so tenderly that I began to tear. Throughout the whole worship I teared. He said:"It was Him who first loved us." 1 John 4:19 That brought back memories of how God first touched me.

In 1997, I lost my grandmother. Someone who was extremely dear to me. I remember wondering how life would be when she passes away. I dreaded to think of it then. Dad and mom worked during the day and would leave me with granny to be taken care of. She loved me dearly. As the years pass, I grew to love her more and more. She had a special place in my heart. One week after the cremation, I remember returning home feeling that aweful sense of loneliness. As I sat there, in the living room, I couldn't help but cry. It was then that God filled my heart with His presence. I felt love, I felt peace.

When God reminded me of this scene today, all my arguements with God were silenced and replaced with a compelling response to continue to serve and love Him with all my heart. I felt that I don't need to worry about taking care of my own needs when I take care of others' needs. I knew the one who took care of me then will continue to be faithful to love and take care of my needs.

Thank you Jesus, I can't stop thinking about how you've been so faithful to me all these years. I love the way you surprise me.

Trust

2007-03-14T09:36:00.000+08:00

It is easy to trust when you have not yet been disappointed. After you’ve been disappointed, your trust is really then, tested. I’ve heard many times that it’s better to be angry at God than indifferent. I have yet to see John 12:24 come to pass. It sucks to feel trampled on. It sucks to always have to be humble and to keep a good spirit while I’m being misunderstood. That familiar feeling makes me angry. It brings back many bad memories. But how else can I be tested in my trust in you?

Tower Of Power

2007-03-12T09:30:00.000+08:00

10 March '07, Mosaic Music Festival

Tower Of Power Concert

I like Soul, With A Capital S

Sweet soul music, that's the best!

100307

2007-03-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

Today, I went to swim and suntan downstairs. The sun was so hot. I loved it, the warmth brought a certain calm to me and really enabled me to focus on certain things that were bothering me. I enjoyed the calm and quiet of the poolside. Think I will do this more often. When I was making my way back up to go home, I saw many coconuts on the ground. A few uncles had been hired to clear the coconuts from the trees in case the ripe ones fall unto people. I picked up a few with their permission and brought them home. Here they are:

My maid said they can be used to cook curry, that's why I so kiasu!

2007-03-05T01:49:00.000+08:00

Nehemiah 8:10

2007-02-28T10:40:00.000+08:00

Today, I just understood a bit of a verse I've been wondering about for a long time. Nehemiah 8:10, the joy of the Lord is my strength. What does this really mean? How do you apply it? As we choose to obey God sometimes it can be hard going, but we must not forget to bask in the delight God takes in us when we obey. When I start to think about the smile my obedience puts on his face, I can't help but smile. It's a certain kind of joy that just refreshes me. I look forward to learn more about this verse...

Great Expectations by Steven Curtis Chapman

2007-02-28T10:35:00.000+08:00

The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on
And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul
Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Savior of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

We've been invited with the Son
And we've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations

AWESOME LYRICS

Lelong lelong!!!

2007-02-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

* veronica says (12:18 AM):
eeeyer
* veronica says (12:18 AM):
why you lelong me
* veronica says (12:18 AM):
im not cheap k
notsyor says (12:18 AM):
nice pic wat
notsyor says (12:18 AM):
dun waste
* veronica says (12:18 AM):
you must write there!!! expensive stuff
* veronica says (12:24 AM):
aye!!!!!!!
* veronica says (12:24 AM):
why you like that
* veronica says (12:24 AM):
later i jia bu chu qu
* veronica says (12:24 AM):
you die!
notsyor says (12:24 AM):
* veronica says (12:24 AM):
nvm
* veronica says (12:24 AM):
i look so harmless in that photo
* veronica says (12:24 AM):
can cover that

Lelong lelong!!!

2007-02-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

So hamson...

A Reflection On Leadership

2007-02-25T10:20:00.000+08:00

I can only be your leader if you allow me to influence your life. In my few years in church, I have worked with and observed many leaders. So many have come and gone. I've learnt that at the end of the day, it's really not about the 'L' behind your appointment. I will not consider myself your leader if I have been appointed whatever 'L' over you but have not gained the permission to speak into your life. CL, UL, SDL, DL, RL, GL, DHL, who cares? Rather, it's about the influence you have over another person that is important. How you gain that influence is a different story. If however, you decide to step up to the challenge to lead another person, you would have to do whatever it takes to win that influence, that open door to another person's life for you to enter. Sometimes, we can lose that ticket. In such circumstances, we have to ask for grace and patience with our weaknesses from our followers and start to work at it. It will take time, but in this time whether the door is still open or not depends equally on the leader as well as the follower. At the end of the day, a shepherd should always remember that influence is merely a vehicle to lead people to God and that it requires a selfless love for people to keep giving. Unless a kernal of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remain only a single seed. I honour all you who have been giving of yourself faithfully to people, many times denying your own rights, your right to be loved, your right to be heard, your right to be understood, so that someone else can be loved, heard and understood. He who never sleeps nor slumbers is not blind and will not forget all you have willingly and lovingly given.

ROAR!!! (don't make me eat you alive)

2007-02-21T12:26:00.000+08:00

Carnivore's a crazy place. My advice to gals is dun even bother visiting the restaurant unless you have not eaten in years. The meat just keeps coming. Justin, Seng, Gerald, Hen and I ate so much yesterday we could hardly walk. Trying to eat your 45 bux worth is almost impossible. We ate all kinds of roasted stuff. Lamb, beef, pork, chicken, fish and even roasted pineapples. For each kind of meat, they had different parts of the animal. It's quite crazy I tell you. I must admit, all of the meat served was very nice. I particularly liked the lamb. The beef steak was good too. And the fish, and everything la... I've heard about it many times from many people, so I decided to give it a try since I had ang pao money. I doubt I will go back in the near future. It's quite a nightmare, the amount of meat they serve. Porridge for now...(makes me feel less guilty)

Elusive Jesus

2007-02-17T12:19:00.000+08:00

Matthew 14

An interesting side of Jesus.

Matthew 14:1-12 describes why John the baptist was beheaded. Then, in verse 13, it says:"When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place." In verses 22-23, "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray."

I wonder what Jesus was feeling. He seems to be trying to take time out. He comes across as tender hearted. Amidst all these, He still took time to heal the sick.

hehehe

2007-02-12T12:49:00.000+08:00

Lelong lelong!!!

When we think we know better...

2007-02-06T16:17:00.000+08:00

From a book I've been reading:

"Disobedience dishonours God. When we choose to rebel against His commands, our actions say that He doesn't know what He's talking about, that His Word is outdated, and that He isn't trustworthy. But when we say yes to God in our relationships-even in the small areas-we bring Him glory. Our actions say that His commands are good and that He deserves to be obeyed."

Familiar Faces

2007-02-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

Celebrated Joyce's birthday today at her place. Saw her graduation photo. Can't help but be reminded of Mona Lisa.

WHAT!?

2007-01-30T12:06:00.000+08:00

I went to buy something from Unity pharmacy with my brother yesterday after lunch at Eastpoint. As we were paying up, I read the name tag of the cashier and nudged my brother. The name tag read: Michael Angelo. My brother burst but tried to hide it.

At the wake, I overheard a conversation between my uncles. It caught my attention as I sat there staring into space. They talked about how it was good that granny was taken away and not fall into a coma and continue to suffer. I agreed with them, however the tone in which he said it struck me. He said, "We all have to go anyway". It struck me because he talked about life as a trivial matter. As if there was little meaning in life anyway. It was strange because before me stood a man who was a very successful and well-esteemed business man. He seemed to have everything one would covet.

Jesus said, The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

The Crash From Within

2007-01-26T13:00:00.000+08:00

I've been reading The Winning Attitude, a book written by John C. Maxwell. It was given to me by Tony on my birthday last year. He told me this was one of the few books that changed his life. Here are a few quotable quotes from Chapter 9, The Crash Within-The Fear Of Failure

There is no security on this earth. There is only opportunity. -Douglas MacArthur (don't ask me who he is)

Accepting failure in the positive sense becomes effective when you believe that the right to fail is as important as the right to succeed. -John C. Maxwell

It is impossible to succeed without suffering. If you are successful and have not suffered, someone has suffered for you and if you are suffering without succeeding, perhaps someone may succeed after you. But there is not success without suffering. -John C. Maxwell

But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, grow, feel, change, love, live. Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave, he has forfeited freedom. -John C. Maxwell

Attitude is the determining factor of whether our failures make or break us. -John C. Maxwell

Recently, I've been wondering how powerful it'd be if I could just get past the fear of disappointment. I'd dare to try new things. It'd open up a whole new world of opportunities.

When It Looks Like I have Failed

Lord, are You trying to tell me something?
For...

Failure does not mean I'm a failure;
It does mean I have not yet succeeded.

Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing;
It does mean I have learned something.

Failure does not mean I have been a fool;
It does mean I had enough faith to experiment.

Failure does not mean I've been disgraced;
It does mean I dared to try.

Failure does not mean I don't have it;
It does mean I have to do something in a different way.

Failure does not mean I am inferior;
It does mean I am not perfect.

Failure does not mean I should give up;
It does mean I must try harder.

Failure does not mean I'll never make it;
It does mean I need more patience.

Failure does not mean You have abandoned me;
It does mean You must have a better idea. Amen

Acts Of Righteousness

2007-01-25T11:45:00.000+08:00

In the first half of Matthew 6, Jesus talks about giving, fasting and prayer. Activities that can cause us to display or give a certain impression about ourselves. Many times we are very concerned about our external appearance, how we may come across to people. Though this is important, it can sometimes mask the true self and its desires which is deep within. At the end of the day, God looks at our heart and its desires. So, are my "Acts of Righteousness" really an accurate reflection of a genuine desire to please God within? Forget about the acts for a while, and invite the Holy Spirit to evaluate the heart. Let there be integrity.

TWAM Worship Night

2007-01-22T01:57:00.000+08:00

TWAM worship night was awesome. Long time never lead like that... I'm glad to hear the testimonies. "Just like the good 'ol days" uttered one brother after the session. Thank you Holy Spirit, for fellowshipping with us, renewing and re-strengthening us. Your Word never fails to encourage me. Thank You.

Latest Accomplishment

2007-01-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

MONGSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enjoy now, suffer later.

The Giver And The Gift

2007-01-08T14:26:00.000+08:00

Romans 8:32

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

To understand the intention of the gift, you need to go to the giver. It's hard to imagine a gift without a card or any trace to it's giver. What do you do with it? What occasion calls for such a gift? Will you still use it without knowing the giver's intention or who the giver is?

Robbing God

2006-12-28T16:11:00.000+08:00

“I the Lord do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the Lord Almighty. “But you ask, ‘How are we to return?’ “Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. “But you ask, ‘How do we rob you?’ “In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse-the whole nation of you-because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have enough room for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit,” says the Lord Almighty. “Then all nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land,” says the Lord Almighty.

Christmas '06

2006-12-26T13:57:00.000+08:00

Market value down to 50%. Looks like a mouse doesn't he? So cute.

Wa Seh, wee u wits, Eugenes Armani Model. Market Value up 100%.

Ooo, Nice Pic!

Ghost Buster in the Toilet. This is such a precious pic :) Why am I holding a toilet roll?

Jesus

2006-12-25T01:43:00.000+08:00

The song that captured my heart again this christmas. Jesus, my beautiful Savior. I adore You. Be exalted.

Beautiful Savior
Planet Shakers

Jesus, Beautiful Savior
God Of All Majesty, Risen King
Lamb Of God, Holy And Righteous
Blessed Redeemer, Bright Morning Star
All The Heavens Shout Your Praise
All Creation Bows To Worship You

How Wonderful
How Beautiful
Name Above Every Name
Exalted High
How Wonderful
How Beautiful
Jesus Your Name
Name Above Every Name Jesus

I Will Sing Forever
Jesus I love You
Jesus I love You
I Will Sing Forever

Jesus Beautiful Saviour

One thing I was reminded of this christmas. We should not lose sight of the supernatural.

The Joy Of Giving

2006-12-19T14:15:00.000+08:00

In 2003, Oprah spent an entire year preparing for a filming to be done in South Africa. This episode was about Christmas. She wanted to let the children of Africa experience the joy of Christmas by holding huge celebrations where gifts were given to the children with each of their names printed on the boxes. The gifts were unique to each one as she wanted every single one of them to feel special. At the celebration there were game stations where the children could temporarily forget their troubles and BE children for once. You see, many of these children are ophans because their parents died of AIDS, which is hitting South Africa like a plague now. Many of them have to take care of sickly parents suffering from AIDS or other diseases. At each station, the staff were equipped with polaroid cameras to take polaroids of the child beside a christmas tree. She said something that stirred something within me. "For many of these children, this is the first picture ever taken of them."

You could see the joy on their faces. This little gal, whose mom passed away few months after she was conceived and was handed over to her grandma to be taken care of, could not smile because of all the trauma she had gone through. When Oprah gave her a pair of new shoes and fitted them in for her, she just let out a very natural smile. It's so nice to be able to give someone hope. It produces joy that's unspeakable. I want to experience the joy of giving. I don't need to be a millionaire to give. What have I to give then? Give me wisdom and show me how.

:)

2006-12-18T12:44:00.000+08:00

RT Saga

2006-12-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

About 2 months back, I was asked to report to CMPB for not taking my IPPT. It is an offence to not take IPPT. I did not take IPPT seriously as my brother has ORDed for a few years now without MINDEF calling him up. I tried the stunt as well. Didn’t train, didn’t take. After I reported to CMPB, I was asked to attend remedial training (RT). I didn’t think much of it at first cos I wanted to focus on my exams.

After exams and my holiday to Bangkok, I returned with a certain SIAN-ness… RT. Twice a week. Tuesdays 6pm, Sundays 8am. It certainly interrupted a lot of the things I wanted to do. Inconvenience is an understatement. I looked forward to the test at the end of phase 1 and thought to myself ok, just treat this as training for my own fitness. I hoped to clear the test so that I wouldn’t have to proceed to phase 2.

I failed the test at the end of phase 1 with a certain sense of disappointment. Phase 2, thrice a week. Tuesday 6pm, Thursday 6pm, Sunday 8am. Now, it really got on my nerves. It was so inconvenient. I tried to make the best of it, making new friends, taking training very seriously. I hoped to clear the first disruption test somewhere in the middle of phase 2.

Today was the test. I didn’t really have high hopes to pass as my arms were still a little tired. Just went up to the bar and tried. To my surprise, my training and personal chin up bar paid off. I managed to do 6. I was so happy. When I dismounted, I said YES! with a indescribable sense of relief. The rest of the stations were not a problem so I got a pass for this IPPT.

As I walked out of Bedok camp, a few scenes flashed across my mind. As I tried to link my thoughts together, I’ve learnt the lesson of the importance of hope.

Passing IPPT after 2 months of training really made me very happy. I felt ashamed at first to not be able to pass. But hope kept me going on. (Other than, of course, the possibility of being charged and thrown into DB for not taking RT)

Hope is very important. Hope makes all the difference. As I finished my 2.4km run, we waited for the entire detail to finish. The last guy was obese. He tried very hard, at least, he didn’t stop. We all clapped for him. At the bus stop, I really felt a sense of pity for those who failed. Some of them really gave their best. The look on that obese guy’s face made my heart sink. The feeling of spending all you have, feeling so tired and still failing the test really sucks. He looked extremely disappointed, and so did many other familiar faces at the bus stop. I heard some of them saying: ”At least there’s not much of phase 2 left”. Sometimes consolation is also a form of hope. Something to look forward to. In this case, the end of RT. The end of inconvenience. I can absolutely understand, though not identify with that particular obese guy. It must feel very cumbersome to have to leave the workplace at 5pm to attend RT. Perhaps he had work to finish. Perhaps his boss was not happy with having to release him early, thus not being able to finish his work. Perhaps his colleagues look at him differently. Perhaps he left feeling like a failure.

Amidst all these, I’ve come to understand what a vital role hope plays in our daily lives. Something to look forward to. A goal to reach. Perhaps, a consolation… Something to press on for. I can’t imagine how anyone can live without a regular dosage of hope.

Good Ol' Dayz

2006-12-13T02:28:00.000+08:00

Can't even begin to describe how I feel...

Conviction

2006-12-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

Platoon Outing, 11th December '06

What can I offer you other than the hope Christ offers? You are searching but you will never find when you search in all the wrong places. I wish I can give you an answer from the world but I know none.

Appetite

2006-12-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

Zephaniah 3:17

2006-12-05T00:21:00.000+08:00

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

No Excuses

2006-11-30T13:59:00.000+08:00

This is so inspiring.

http://www.oprah.com/tows/slide/200509/20050929/slide_20050929_284_201.jhtml

Habakkuk Tan

2006-11-28T12:41:00.000+08:00

A rhema word from the Lord is life changing. Sometimes you know the truth but it gets a little tough applying when you don’t hear anything from God. In times like these, a rhema word that the Holy Spirit deposits in your heart just gives that assurance that yes, God is still in control.

Over the past couple o weeks I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the thoughts in my head. I’ve been thinking a lot about a lot of stuff. Being overwhelmed in my mind is a familiar feeling. It often happens. One thing I’d do to clear up the mess is to take long walks to just talk to God and put things in their proper place. However, the recent walks have not been fruitful. I often leave still overwhelmed.

Today, I read the book of Habakkuk. Habakkuk raised a lot of ‘Why’s. The headings for the book go like this…

1. Habakkuk’s Complaint.

2. The Lord’s Answer

3. Habakkuk’s Second Complaint

4. The Lord’s Answer

5. Habakkuk’s Prayer

In chapter 3, verse 2, under the heading “Habakkuk’s Prayer” he says:

“Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord.
Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy.”

A certain sense of joy and hope just filled me when I read this. That in our complaint we still can remember who God is. That He doesn’t forget. That He listens even to the things unsaid. That we can still be pleasing to Him. That He still takes delight in us when we complain. That we still can choose to look upon His greatness and praise Him.

v17-19
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crops fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

Today is a beautiful day. The weather is awesome. The smell of rain is refreshing.

Grebfruit

2006-11-27T11:09:00.000+08:00

Amazing drummer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tMudbrnO68&mode=related&search=

16 days

2006-11-19T11:44:00.000+08:00

Finished my last paper on the 9th November and flew off to Bangkok that evening. It was a wonderful feeling to be on an aeroplane again. I couldn't even remember the last time I was on a plane. Maybe P4? Not sure also. But it was awesome. Found it very amusing how aeroplanes work.

Anyway, it was a smooth two and a half hour journey from Terminal 1 to the new Suvarnabhum Airport. The airport is huge. When we came out from the airport, I was pleasantly surprised to see the weather. It was not as warm and dusty as I heard it to be.

800 Baht cab fare. When we reached Samran Place to meet up with shirls, daniel and veron, we just left the cab in a hurry, forgetting we left our luggage in the boot. Thank God for that kind taxi driver who called us back to collect our luggage. Can't believe how careless we were. Maybe it's just excitement, then forget everything else liao. We met up with Ps Lawrence and Dr Pat who were staying at Asia Hotel, the hotel one street away, for supper. Ps Lawrence asked us how much we paid for the cab fare (shirls now chuckling away cheekily...) . He asked, 200 Baht?, then 400 Baht?! then, 600 BAHT?!?!?!?!?! At this, I knew we were tok-ed like mad. Anyway, my consolation at the very least is that we sat in a very comfy Nissan Cefiro for the 1hr ride. Lesson learnt!

We managed to get quite a good sleep cos the rehearsal for Power of Praise 4 was in the afternoon the next day at Huamark Indoor Stadium. I was looking forward to meeting a few friends. Ps Golf, Ps Tim, Ps Kahn, Ps Foye, Niyom and his worship team. Upon arrival, we were hosted by Ps Prayuth, Chin and Simon. When I first saw Simon, I thought to myself, hmm this guy looks really familiar. Then I remembered. I met him many yrs ago at KAPT when he visited our worship team in sunday service. I was still serving in adults group then. It was good to see him still around and serving God faithfully and powerfully. It made me want to hang in there and continue to add to the worship team in Hope Singapore. We got to meet and talk to many musicians and singers. O man they really have a large pool of talent. So many bands, so many musicians involved. Many of them were pursuing a degree in music. Their orchestra was impressive. Got small boys and gals playing violin one. O they play well too by the way. Really exciting.

Sound check. We were talking among ourselves when suddenly this sax player did soundcheck for his instrument. Wa, all our heads turned. Speechless. He played "Forever In Love" by Kenny G. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice. I wish I was their soundman hahahaha. O anyway, the soundman they hired was the best soundman in thailand, according to their stage manager. During evaluation together with the contractors and vendors, could see the Hope Bangkok people really had great relationship with even the external contractors. Could see the soundman enjoy working with them. Veron asked one of the keyboardists, is the sound guy from Hope, the keyboardist replied no, he's not, but after Power of Praise 4, he will be! Amen to that!

After sound check we had the opportunity to lunch with Ps Prayuth, Chin and Simon. It was a Q&A session. Ps Prayuth and team really cleared up a lot of thoughts that have been floating around in my mind for a long long time. CHOP CHOP CHOP

POP 4. Bumped into Ps Foye at entrance. Seems to have put on weight. I think he was busy so no time to chat, only got to shake hands with him. Anyway, POP was a blast. Simon's pnw leading was so powerful and dynamic. I really admire him. Such a confident, loving, fun-loving, humble, normal-guy kinda leader. Normal-guy leaders like him never fail to inspire me. I love being around these people. First worship song, tear like nothing, all of us. haha it was so bad that I dun wanna open my eyes to sing the english lyrics for a while and just soak in the presence of God, otherwise flooded liao. Wat a touching song. One question that kept coming to me during that time was, How? How could I forget His mercy? How could I not love You Lord? How can I not give my life to You? All of us talked about that song after the concert. Hope we can use it for christmas! I just pray that You will give whoever translates it wisdom!

At night, we went to Suan Lum to shop. Got some gifts for certain people. Was quite a nice place to shop compared to Chatuchak. I reach the entrance I dun feel like shopping liao. Anyway, the next afternoon, Dan, Ron and Shuz went to shop at Chatuchak, Shirls, Ethan and I chose to go to Siam Paragon to slack. Took some amusing photos then went to Starbux to sit down and talk. It was a great talk. Talk talk talk talk talk. It was an unexpectedly fruitful sharing as we learnt abt each other's highest highs and lowest lows in our spiritual life. Shirls' one was quite interesting. Highest high and lowest low happened at the same time. Shirls is another normal-guy kinda leader I really look up to (normal-gal I meant). Although technically speaking she looks up to me cos i'm taller :P

One of the nights, I can't rem which one already (STM), we celebrated Daniel's birthday. Wa it was so fun lor! Can b my highest high liao. hahahaha! We joked that that night was probably Dan's lowest low. It was his birthday bash. Literally. We ambushed him and he actually thought he got the better of us by tricking us. We bashed him up anyway. The gals whacked him with pillows, ethan sat on him, i took his belt to tie his legs at his ankles upon shirls' command and shirls proceeded to pull his leg hair while i held his legs down with the belt. So fun! We affirmed him next. I'm glad to have him as a buddy.

Many other things happened. Got to meet Ps Tim on the 2nd last day. Met Ps Golf, Niyom and a few others. One thing i'd like to remember here was my time alone and away from the hope singaporeans for one evening and a morning. I had to extend my hotel stay another night cos my flight was on 13th. Had trouble extending. Called Ps Golf. He hooked me up with Niyom who in turn got Brother Noom, his sheep to get me a place to sleep and to take care of me. He could not do it himself cos he had to fly off early the next morning and a wake to visit that night. They were really warm. Dion kept telling Noom, Take good care of him!! It felt like family though i've only known these people for a short while. I love Hope family. 5 people brought me to the place i was to sleep at that night. Noom, Chuzpa, Ople, Waew and Toy. We reached Lat Phrao abt one hr later. It was Niyom's studio. Horizon studio. Was a nice place. Got drums! Anyway, they paid for the cab fare and my dinner. After dinner, the gals went back to the studio to cut vegetables. I asked wat's this for? Why at this hour? Chuzpa replied this is for the church building fund. Chuzpa and Waew have been cooking and selling food on the street right outside the studio everyday for church building fund. They'd do so from 7am till 9am then at 930 they have a worship together then they start working at the studio. I was so touched by their heart for God. I served together with them, cutting the vegetables together that night and made it a point to serve together with them in the morning too. I knew it would be a learning experience and was right. I beat the eggs and chuzpa would fry the eggs. Waew helped to pack the rice. It was awesome. Their heart for God was so simple. There was faith and sincerest joy in serving the Lord. I was so happy to serve God together with them. LOVE IT!

Noom sent me to Klong Toei train station to take a cab to the airport. On the plane I was super tired but couldn't sleep cos my mind was so filled with the experiences in Bangkok. I want to serve You and know You more. Obstacles are still there, help me to have an objective mindset and take one step at a time. I want to serve You with joy. San Sen Prachau!

Tommy Emannuel

2006-11-03T11:07:00.000+08:00

Check these out! Inhuman. Maestro.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adfEjIZpqNE&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZNJf-h7F8s

Expectations

2006-10-31T21:08:00.000+08:00

I watched Oprah today. The episode was about the drop out rate in america. Something caught my attention:

Poorly trained workers and high school dropouts are products of the "cycle of low expectations" in America's public schools, Russlynn says. "Students rise to expectations, and they fall to expectations."

Russlynn Ali is a director of some kinda program that aims to improve the american education system. I find what she said very true. Self motivation aside, if expectations of me are easily within my reach, I tend to merely reach and get it over and done with. This is because by setting a low expectation, you are kinda telling me "Yes, this is enough". That snuffs out the need for growth. If however, expectations are set high, I would always be on the path of learning and growing until I reach that expectation. Of course, to keep growing and learning, the expectations would always have to be renewed once it has been achieved. In this case, expectations have to be met, simply because you will not get to college if you don't meet the expectations.

Things are different in real life. No one is obligated to set an expectation for you. If we have people who are kind enough to nudge us out of our comfort zone to grow, it's a bonus. If we don't, it's normal.

What do I expect from myself? Am I ready to account for what was given to me?

Oh Ting Kui

2006-10-30T11:05:00.000+08:00

The most craziestest guitarist me have ever met:

http://misterbenster.blogspot.com/

Introducing Benjamin Oh Ting Kui. Friends since like dunnoe when. P3? Not sure. Dominating teachers since 1997. Caught up with him after his slip disc operation. Not sure if you know anything about guitar, but if you do, you will realise after visiting his blog he's quite disgustingly unbelieavably rich. LOL! He's THE CHICKEN RICE PRINCE. Waiting to take over a chicken rice empire. Hahaa. Had a great time with him last friday. Was a great time, he brought me to his new char kuey tiao stall. I dare say that was the healthiest tastiest char kuey tiao I have ever eaten. He's just one of those friends I feel totally at ease with. Someone I would look forward to meeting every time. Looking forward to more hang out sessions!

From The Outside

2006-10-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

Today I was just humming this song in my head. "A broken spirit and a contrite heart, you will not despise, you will not despise, you desire truth in the inmost parts, a broken spirit and a contrite heart".

What does it mean to have truth in the inmost parts? When God sees my heart, will He smile? Inmost parts suggest something that's very deep, something that's very natural, something at the core of my being. When I examine my heart, I dare not say I understand it well, it is afterall still deceitful above all else. What are the desires at the core of my being? Is my outter behaviour an appropriate reflection of what's really at the core of my being?

I remember I once watched an oprah winfrey show about parenting. She said, it really doesn't matter much that you tell your children how much you love them, the real question should be, do your eyes sparkle when they enter the room? I was thinking why I remembered this. It hints something surfacing naturally from deep within. As I was pondering, I walked past the old woman at the front of centerpoint. When I look at her, compassion fills me. Most times, she stares into thin air waiting for someone to buy her tissues. She looks frail and that really stirs something within me. It was something that overflowed from my inmost being. Something that overwhelms, something natural. Something I don't need to remind myself of. I don't need to tell myself hey, you should have compassion on her. It just happens naturally. Something from my inmost being.

So, does my inmost being really say the same things as my outter person is saying? When I say, God I love you, is that really consistent to my inmost being? How wonderful it must be if in my inmost being I really love God. If in my inmost being, there was integrity and consistency, nevermind what I say, Jesus taught us to pay attention to the inside of the cup, not the external appearance. From today onwards, I want to pay more attention to my inmost being. Integrity and Consistency.

Random Thoughts

2006-10-26T01:55:00.000+08:00

Hahahaha!!! Since Veron is on an ego trip, let me say something about her as well, to add on to the 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 other encouraging blog entries about her. Here I go, Veron is an incredibly hard working ministry leader. She really puts her heart into all that she does. Occasionally struggle, but very dong si. Give her time and she'll sort things out. Someone who really loves the Lord. Someone who shines in school as well. She's not like many other gals her age. Mature beyond her years. Someone who is teachable, someone who is humble to serve others. Someone who is understanding and someone who really cares about her friends. They say love is in the details. She's someone who observes the likes and dislikes of her friends. So Veron, keep it up. You're a great example and inspiration to us all. 1 Tim 4:12 :)

On a side note, have been thinking about love. Not the romantic kind. It's amazing how many very complicated things actually boil down to something very simple, something that has to be left unsaid. I'm starting to understand 1 Corinthians 13:13 more. Many things could have been made less fuzzy if we said it out loud, but if we did, then it loses all it's meaning.

BBQ

2006-10-21T00:22:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats great fellowship over great food. Today I had Seng, Davin , Eugene and Hendra come over for BBQ. At first the 30 bucks for the pit was a bit steep considering we pay $294 per quarter for facilities in the condo. Saw the pit today and was quite glad cos at least they provided a good pit, electronic one, don't need to fan, don't need charcoal. Very convenient, very fast. We bought beef steaks, lamb steak, german sausages, clams, mussels and some beer. The amount I had to pay was well worth it because of the company I enjoyed.

Thanks guys for taking time out. It's important to see the value of investing time with each other. I'm so looking forward for the next time we get to hang out again. Thanks Seng for serving us. Thank you Father for bringing us together.

Thanksgiving

2006-10-20T00:41:00.000+08:00

Watched Anatomy of a Formula One Team on discovery channel couple o days back. The program featured Toyota's F1 team, from the drivers to the people who fill the oil tank at pit stops. The cars were awesome. A fraction of a second was worth all the work because a fraction is all it takes to seperate the winner from the second place. The engineers were working on a front wing that would shave off fractions of a second. So much work and precision. Anyway, some interesting things I got from the show. Check this out:

http://www.toyota.co.jp/en/vision/traditions/index.html

In their philosophy, they aim to create an environment where the employees are not fearful to make mistakes. On the contrary, mistakes were viewed as opportunities for improvement. I think they call this kanban or kaizen. Something like that. Very interesting.

Check out "Ask "Why?" five times about every matter".

Anyway, God is good, sometimes He provides even before I really ask in prayer. Hatiku Percaya! Here I come NBC!

8/10/06-15/10/06

2006-10-16T02:50:00.000+08:00

Spent a lot of time the past week on assignments. Handed one in on Friday. Another to be handed up later. Anyway, was hungry cos of early dinner so i decided to drive out to changi village for a meal around 1245am. Realised i had no money in wallet so i drove to loyang point to draw before heading to changi village. I stopped the car, switched off the engine and head lights. Then i noticed a man coming out from behind the bushes. I observed him a while and he started walking towards me right after he emerged from behind the bushes. He seems to be in a daze and was barefooted. I strapped on the seat belt and turned on the engine to drive off without drawing cash. Thank God i managed to move off before he came close enough. Creepy.

One thing i've been thinking of all week. Something Pastor Jeff mentioned in his sermon. We'll never be able to solve problems at the same level of the problems. We need to rise above, then approach the problem again. Rising above reminds me of the word. When was the last time i responded? Many times i take the truth in and struggle with it. But very few times do i actually choose to respond in faith. Knowing the truth without responding to it is pointless.

130

2006-10-08T01:02:00.000+08:00

When I woke today, felt a weird sensation in my throat. Knew it was coming. The last time Singapore experienced haze, I fell ill too. Looked out of the window and I was shocked. The view of the building right in front of my room was not as clear as it should be considering the distance from my block. Woke up to check the PSI on channel 5, my goodness! 130. 2 days back was 52 and I already had difficulty breathing. It was really bad at my place, not sure if it's cos I stay near the coast. Looking out of my window just made me very reluctant to breathe. Sounds funny but it's true. Had fever and headache later on in the day. I just hid in my air con room the rest of the day.

Anyway, God just reminded me today of this verse:

Faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

What A Friend

2006-10-04T00:11:00.000+08:00

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care? Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer. Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

What a song. Was on the long bus ride home from city hall today after my evening class and I just poured out to God. I know myself, I'm not good at taking too many things at once. I always tell myself, ok sort things out one at a time. Truth in life is, things don't always come one at a time. Sometimes before I can sort something out in my mind and find meaning and a biblical response to it, another comes. Here's the start of my problem. When I pay attention to the next thing that comes, I start to fumble handling both. Then comes another. And another and another. Soon, there are a lot of overdue things in my mind. And frustration starts to build up. The thing is, I know if I can just get enough mental space I'd be ok. I need to take more long walks with God. A long bus ride would do too. Just like today. This song just came to mind as I poured out my heart to Him. I remember this song well. I use to sing it in Sunday school. Back then, these were merely lyrics. But today, I found a friend again in Jesus. I know He thinks the best of me. He understands me when I don't know what to say or how to say it. He understands my flaws and my fears. He knows why I behave and think the way I do. He understands me even when I don't understand myself. Thank you Jesus for always thinking the best of me and seeing hope in me. What a friend indeed!

Life Is More Than What I See

2006-09-29T12:52:00.000+08:00

Your Love
(Written by Fenny Luwis)

I never knew what life was meant to be
I thought that I figured it all out
What my life should be
Yet somehow I heard the voice deep inside of me
Whispering there should be more than this

So I searched the answer of life’s mystery
I climbed the highest mountain
Crossed the deepest sea
Yet through it all
Emptiness was all life could offer me
Until the day Your love found me

This love that reached out to me
You came from heaven to Calvary
You took my shame
Endured my pain
And You died on the cross for me
As You stretched out Your nail-scared hands
Heard You say Father now I can see
This love, Your divine love
Is why You have sent me

I never knew that love was meant for me
I never thought that life could be so free
Until Your love shines through my darkness
Now I can see
And I know life is more than what I see

For without You in my life
Without Your love holding me
I would be lost
Slowly fading to eternity
Now with You in my life
And Your love that has set me free
My heart’s rejoice
My soul’s relief

I know life is with You to eternity

This love that reached out to me
You came from heaven to Calvary
You took my shame
Endured my pain
And You died on the cross for me
As You stretched out Your nail-scared hands
Jesus my Lord now I can see
Your love, Your divine love
Is why You died for me

For without You in my life
Without Your love holding me
I would be lost
Slowly fading to eternity
Now with You in my life
And Your love that has set me free
My heart’s rejoice
My soul’s relief

I know Your love is my destiny

Now with You in my life
And Your love that has set me free
My heart’s rejoice
My soul’s relief

I know Your love is my destiny

!?!?!?!?!?!?!

2006-09-28T01:56:00.000+08:00

wa, who hack into my blog and put up such a nasty post?!

:P

2006-09-28T01:34:00.000+08:00

Veron wore a nice top today, looked her best in all the photos.

My best picture taken out of the 3.

Davin's Best.

Fresh From The Oprah Winfrey Show

2006-09-27T14:09:00.000+08:00

An Abusive Husband's Desperate Plea

http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200604/tows_past_20060419.jhtml

The statistic from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is startling. One out of four women will be a victim of domestic violence in her lifetime. Louie admits he's been abusing his wife, Shannon, for 13 years. He has been convicted of domestic violence twice—once in 1999 for punching Shannon and a second time for pushing her to the ground. He says he no longer physically abuses Shannon, but that the emotional abuse has continued. In an e-mail to The Oprah Winfrey Show months ago, he confessed his behavior and pleaded for help. "I am an abusive husband," Louie wrote. "I verbally abuse my wife every single day, and I just can't seem to stop. I'm desperate for help. I lose my temper. Yelling, screaming and name-calling are part of our daily lives. At times, I will get within an inch of her face and scream at the top of my lungs. I will call her a liar over nothing and have even threatened to kill her. … "My emotions get out of control and I have no idea why. I love my wife and kids and being a father. I can't imagine someone treating my daughters this way. I've been trying to change and I just can't make that final step."

Louie believes that the reason he lashes out at Shannon is because of the way he was treated as a child. "When I was a kid, my parents had a lot of issues. They split up, and my mom abused me," he says. "I went to live with my grandparents at a young age and I had six-inch-wide belt bruises from the back of my heels to the back of my head. That being said, that's no excuse for my actions as an adult." Louie and Shannon are trying to understand his anger for a very specific reason. "We wouldn't be fighting for it as hard as we have and going through all this if there wasn't a lot of beautiful times making it worth something to fight for," Louie says.

Dr. Robin agrees that Louie's continued destructive behavior stems from childhood pain he has yet to overcome. "You were disrespected as a child and you have physical and emotional wounds to prove that," Dr. Robin says. "We then grow up and we get involved with someone innocent, and violate them the way we were violated. We get into adult relationships and act out the stuff we saw that was a secret when we were children."

Oprah called upon Dr. Harville Hendrix, a relationship therapist whose work she calls "life changing," to help Shannon and Louie understand their marriage. His Imago Relationship Theory is based on the belief that individuals fall in love with someone whose personality is similar to that of their caretakers. "The reason for that is you want the positive and negative traits," he says. "But primarily the negative traits." Dr. Hendrix says that when a person falls in love, they may appear to be attracted only to their partner's positive traits. Subconsciously, that person is also attracted to their partner's negative traits that are connected to the unfulfilled needs of childhood. The Imago Theory is that it's not a coincidence you're attracted to your partner. "You lost [happiness during childhood] and you'll never feel fully alive again until you get it back. We think that committed partnership or marriage is the context within which those issues can be restored."

Dr. Hendrix led Louie and Shannon through Imago therapy sessions by using Intentional Dialogue exercises to help them discover and deal with the unfulfilled childhood origins of their violent relationship. The first step is mirroring, in which one person acts as a stand-in for their partner's guardian. "You listen to your partner talk and you make every effort you can to accurately hear what they're saying without criticizing it, without judging it," Dr. Hendrix says. At Dr. Hendrix's prompting, Shannon asks Louie to explain what living with his parents was like. "The only thing that you've ever cared about is yourself," Louie says. "You had kids because you thought they would make you happy, not because you wanted to take care of them or because you cared about them." With Dr. Hendrix's help, Louie went even further with mirroring. "It's not fair that you take away my childhood and take out everything that you've done wrong in your life on us. … I'm learning from you how to hurt people so when I grow up then I can hurt the ones I love," Louie says. "So living with us is like being in hell—never feeling loved, never feeling wanted, never feeling taken care of," Shannon says, as she mirrors Louie's parents. Dr. Hendrix believes that mirroring is an important first step because it allows someone like Louie to re-experience and then release his pain. "You don't get it all out in one session or with one deep experience of sobbing, but you begin to open up," Dr. Hendrix says. "When you start acting out in adulthood with hurtful behavior, you're actually acting out of that pain. If you release the pain, then you remove the power [that pain holds]."

After the mirroring experience, Dr. Hendrix asks Louie a simple, yet seemingly paradoxical, question: How do your feelings of disrespect, distrust and poor communication help you? "It keeps [me] feeling safe," Louie says. "I'm afraid to let that go. I'm afraid that I'm going to get trampled on, or she's going to walk out on me like everybody else." Shannon also "benefited" from poor communication, using it to shield herself from the reality of their relationship. "I don't expect much out of him, so he doesn't really disappoint me," she says. The emotional wall between Shannon and Louie insulated each of them from feeling even more pain, Dr. Hendrix says. "Closeness is connected with pain from childhood for both of them. Closeness has in it pain. Deep in the brain, pain is always connected to the possibility of death," he says. "In order to stay alive, I'm going to have to keep any distance." Louie maintains this emotional distance in the way he was taught by parents. Dr. Hendrix says that Louie maintains this emotional distance because he does not know how to have "appropriate separateness without being abusive verbally."

A technique Dr. Hendrix calls "behavior change request" can encourage communication and reduce partners' frustrations with each other. "Embedded in every gripe, complaint, criticism [and] frustration you have is a wish," Dr. Hendrix says. Couples need to tell each other their wishes, he says. Oprah points out that most people believe their partner should automatically know their desires. For example, isn't it obvious the dishes need to be done? Why can't he just do them? Dr. Hendrix calls this type of thinking "the illusion of romance." "It's like symbiosis," he says. "[Partners think], 'You live in my head, don't you? Don't you know what I'm thinking? Why aren't you doing it? I fuse you with me—I assume that we're just one person.'"

To begin Dr. Hendrix's behavior change technique, Louie and Shannon describe their dissatisfactions with each other. Louie's biggest gripe with Shannon is the fact that she expects him to read her mind, he says. "When you want something, you don't ask for it, and then you get angry [when I don't do it]," he says. Dr. Hendrix asks Louie to come up with three things that Shannon could do for him that would reduce his frustration. She will choose one of the three and commit to changing her behavior for three weeks. Louie's first request is for Shannon to create a daily list of household chores for him. His second request is a permanent list of things that need to be done on a regular basis. Louie's third request is for Shannon to tell him every afternoon the specific tasks that need to be done that day. Shannon says she's willing to make a daily list of things that need to be done around the house. Shannon's main dissatisfaction with Louie is that she feels lonely and wants more time with her husband. "He pretty much spends all of his time when he's at home in our bedroom," she says. Shannon's first behavior change request is for Louie to engage the family for at least one hour every day. Her second request is for him to limit the time he spends by himself. Shannon's third request is that Louie eats dinner with the family instead of alone in his room. Louie chooses to spend at least an hour with Shannon and their children every day for three weeks.

After the three-week experiment, Louie and Shannon say the behavior change request exercise has given them a new level of comfort in their relationship. "I feel more secure and I have more of a sense of hope than I've ever had in my entire life," Louie says. "I feel like I've stepped into her shoes and she's stepped into mine." By really listening to each other, Dr. Hendrix says, couples "become passionate friends. That's what we call a conscious partnership."

Dr. Hendrix says his "exercise in appreciation" only takes a few minutes a day and can transform relationships. He encourages couples to replace negativity with appreciation by finding three things every day for which to thank each other. "It is super hard, but it's the most amazing thing," Louie says, admitting that he and Shannon have only committed to one appreciation each day. "When [your partner] gives you that one appreciation, all [the day's troubles] turn off. All day you're thinking about, 'Man, that was nice and I feel good about what she said about me.' It changes your whole outlook on the day."

Food for thought...

Mom

2006-09-25T00:39:00.000+08:00

27th September is my mom's birthday. We normally just go out as a family for dinner during a family member's birthday. We've decided to celebrate her birthday earlier this year on a Sunday instead of the weekday.

Today, I had a good hard look at my mom. She dyed her hair. I realised she's quite hip, 50 plus already still take the effort to maintain herself and dress up. I realised she was very simple and beautiful on the inside. We brought our grandma out for the dinner as well. You see my grandma is a mother of 10 children. She stays with her eldest son, who happens to be filthy rich. My mother's siblings are all doing very well financially. So when my grandma fell ill, she was really very well taken care of and provided for. Medical bills were never an issue. She got the best treatment and care. Today, we fetched her from her house in a wheel chair. She's just recovered from treatment and was weak. From the way my mom talked to my grandma, I could see that my mom is a very filial daughter. I could see that she genuinely cares about her. So much so that she would risk her relationship with her brothers and father to share the good news of the gospel to her. When she talked to my grandma, I could see her eyes sparkle. She teased her and joked with her like they were best of friends. So yeah, filial daughter, I've so much to learn. (the filial part)

My mom is the only chinese-educated person in the family. I've always thought it must be lonely being her. She's the only gal in the family (cos the rest of my family comprises my dad and brother) and the only chinese-educated one. She's a very simple person. I've often seen her reading the bible on her bed in the room by herself. I love that picture. She uses a bilingual bible but chooses to read in both english as well as chinese. I can tell by the highlighting of verses. Today, when I looked at her, I was reminded of child-like faith again. She really believes the word. She believes so much that she claims the promises in the bible regularly by praying to God with my father everynight.

Sometimes, she can be irritating when I don't stop to think why she keeps stuffing me with food. Haha I really hate that. It's like she can't hear me when I say "mommy, kou le" for the first 2 times. She eventually gets it when the volume gets louder by the 3rd time. But yeah, that's the way she shows love. I'm never fat enough. I never have enough sleep according to her. :)

Hmm...how should I end this?

wa, i love this photo!

2006-09-20T01:59:00.000+08:00

YETI !!!

2006-09-19T10:50:00.000+08:00

Longestestestestestestestestest Post

2006-09-18T21:55:00.000+08:00

Things Could Have Been Very Different

:) I just woke from a nap. So tired man. Had a crazy week. Monday was practice, Tuesday was full dress rehearsal, Wednesday I did packing of equipment, Thursday I did editing of an hour long walk in soundtrack and more packing in the evening then shifting the equipment down to expo, Friday was setup and full dress rehearsal then Saturday was anniversary itself then it was pack up. After anniversary, a crazy someone booked soccer at THE CAGE from 10pm to 1am. Sunday was care group. We had a pig out at Dragon’s Gate Restaurant followed by sports at Sentosa. Told myself Monday I must start on my assignments. As you can see, I didn’t do much. It was an idealistic goal. Too idealistic. So after lunch at Tampines, I decided to just head home and sleep rather than go to Hendra’s house to ask him questions about an assignment.

I always feel very good after a nap. I can almost see myself smiling from ear to ear after a nice nap. I love my room, on the air con, pull down the blinds, hide under the comforters and I’m well on my way to dream land. I’m ready to start on my assignment after dinner.

I’m glad at how the anniversary turned out. The stage monitors for certain musicians didn’t work out very well but it’s not too bad because I know I did my best. Hope to have better equipment from the rental company come the next big event. Ooo…Mom is calling me to eat dinner, will continue later.

Wa exciting exciting! God can work in ways we never expect. You see I use to be worried about my parents commitment in church but in the recent months have been quite at ease with their growth. I think Chandra, their care leader has done a great job. Tamar’s parents are also in the care group. Man, their CG is exciting. They all love karaoke and ever since my dad and mom joined the care group it seems the care group has become very crazy about dance as well. My parents love their care group and look forward to attending every week. Tamar asked me, “Do your parents dance in the living room in the evenings?” Ha, that’s all too familiar a sight. Her parents are starting to do that too. How interesting and highly entertaining. Anyway, for a couple of years now, a lady by the name of Evelyn has been observing my parents at the Raffles Town Club on Friday or Saturday nights dancing. Anyway, to cut the long story short cause I can’t really remember the details, Evelyn is Veron’s mom. Due to STM, I can’t remember how they got acquainted. I think Aunty Evelyn recognized them when she visited hope or something. She likes dance too, that’s why according to Veron they caught her eye. She claims my parents are really good at dance. Veron tells me my mom is very sexy when she dances. Wa, tell you, I can die when I hear that. Please spare me the details. Since my parents’ care group so into dance, one of the senior members of the CG has decided to invite a professional to teach the care group together. My dad was telling me Chandra reminded them not to cha cha in worship hahahaha, damn funny. Ooo…I’m drifting away again, anyway, that’s a great outreach possibility for them since in anniversary we tried to get Aunty Evelyn and my parents to sit together. Aunty Evelyn has been attending church for sometime now but has not converted. She’s become a seeker recently and I believe with a fun community to meet her needs, she’s just at the brink of receiving salvation. The thought of it really excited 3 of us as we discussed the possibilities over the dinner table. This Sunday they will get her to sit with them in service. So exciting! Praise You God!!! I pray for Eugene’s parents as well.

Anniversary has been very tiring but highly meaningful for me. When I have seen the lives of the people around me change, I know God is doing a real work in the church. It’s not just doing church, indeed God is really working in the lives of all our members. I feel very touched when I see Davin, Eugene and Seng on stage. These 3 are my sheep. Knowing their background and how far they’ve come really puts a certain sweetness and purpose into celebrating anniversary. There are times when I feel like giving up, but these are the times where I can gladly say at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Making our lives count together with a movement and a family that means business. Reading the testimonies of people I’ve seen in church before but are now overseas planting churches really excites and encourages my heart. This is our purpose, only one life and soon will pass, only what’s done for Christ will last.

My own life has been very changed and molded by God and this family in church. I remember August 30th, 1997. I was Secondary 3 studying in ACS (Barker). That year was particularly strange because my parents forgot my birthday. They make it a point every year to celebrate my birthday. On that day, since I had no celebration I decided to attend church with a friend who invited me. The CL (Priscilla Tan Swan Sim) celebrated my birthday for me though I hardly knew her. First thought that struck me was “Who are these crazy people?” I told myself, “Ok, after this cake, I’m not coming back.” But it was too heartless a thing to do. So I decided to attend 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks became months as I was so quickly mobilized to serve God. Through serving God together with a great bunch of people who truly love God and the church, I saw that something must be different, God must be real. So I stayed on to discover. After all, I did leave my previous church because no one seemed interested to learn about the bible. Hmm..I think that was an excuse. But nevermind… God was kind to me and relocated me to another family who was truly hungry for the word and serious about the great commission. Back then it was the people who captured my heart, as I grow more and more each year I can say that my burden for the great commission has grown. I want my life to count.

Things could have been very different because in Sec 3, I started to hang out with a bunch of friends who weren’t exactly the best kind of company. I soon picked up smoking and really stopped paying attention in class. We hung out together often, playing soccer together, going out etc. It reached a point where I hated my life. I just hated it because I saw no meaning. I saw no meaning in studies, I saw no meaning even in waking up. On weekends I’d sleep till about 3pm in the afternoon before reluctantly dragging myself up from bed.

Today, I can say that God has changed my mind by His word. By giving me an environment to grow, by giving me a purpose and a family. I’ve been sharing to many about my good results in my assignments lately. Was evaluating myself, am I becoming proud? I don’t think so. On the contrary, I’d say it’s really God who deserves the glory. I work hard so that I can present a consistent Christ follower to my friends and not have to be afraid to tell them I’m a Christian. Good results are merely a reflection of the attitudes God has changed in me.

Tony (Current shepherd) and Priscilla (First shepherd) are the people who’ve really inspired me to shine in the area of my studies. So I’d like to say a big thank you to both of you! Inspiring!

At this point, I’d also like to thank all of my previous shepherds for teaching me and being patient with me. :)

Anyway, anniversary was a blast! I finally got to meet the Yamaha PM5D. Heard it costs 300K. Wonder if the info I got is accurate. Cos 300K can buy HDB liao.

Mixing on the board is like meeting a Yeti. A certain sense of awe overwhelmed me. You also wonder when you will get to meet it again. I took a picture with the evasive creature. Will post it up when I get it.

ANNIVERSARY!

2006-09-15T02:14:00.000+08:00

Was at the bus stop on the way to expo today and thinking to myself, these few days really hectic, practice after practice, full dress after full dress. The more I do the more I ought to slow myself down. The last thing I want is for anniversary to be a new experience in ministry alone. I want it to be meaningful for me. So I thought, why do we give so much? Are we really giving? Or just going thru the motion of giving? It's so easy to forget. Then I said to myself I ought to intentionally give to the place I want my heart to be. For where my treasure is, there my heart will be also. I want to live in the center of God's will, therefore I should freely give of my time, treasure and gifting. That really made all the effort in the past month and a half meaningful. It made sense. Hope to be able to coax my brother into attending the anniversary service. I'm so happy to see eugene's and veron's parents already confirming their attendance, that would also mean my parents can take care of them in the service and attach them to the family group.

Had shepherding at Sentosa with Tony on Wednesday during his lunch break. He works near there and I drive, perfect combi for a shepherding at the beach. It's weird seeing a guy in office attire walking along the beach at sentosa, long sleeve and all. I almost feel shy walking beside him, hahaha. But I really enjoyed shepherding. He's one shepherd I can sense sincerity from. Someone who really enjoys spending time together. I've learnt a lot from him. We were talking about the topic of dependance on God. Situations that stretch our faith will give us opportunities to depend on Him. Has my life become too easy? No situations that stretch my faith, or should I ask, have I intentionally put myself into situations that stretch my faith? O by the way, Tony is 30 and single...STILL! Anyway, we sat under a shed by the quiet Tanjong Beach and talked. It was a frutiful shepherding.

Blah blah blah...

2006-09-11T00:17:00.000+08:00

WHAT a babe!

I meant the one on the left. LOL!!!

Anyway, that's Yung's daughter, Cheryl. Super cute.

Subject: GCO2831 (Information And Network Security)

Year: 2006

Study period: Second Semester

Assignment: Assignment 1

Student ID: kktan4

Marker(s): Md. Tamjidul Hoque

Maximum mark: 25

Pass mark: 12.5

Final grade:22.5

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm so happy. Makes me motivated to work hard at assignment 2. Thank God. After reading the sample solution I still don't understand the 2.5 marks. Hmm...must go read it again. I want to shine!

Celebrated Justin's birthday today. It was so hilarious. I brought the cake to Jeremy and said "Hey can you go prepare the cake, we'd like to celebrate Justin's birthday." LOLx!!!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Jus, you're a great brother. Thanks for always being understanding and always smiling. Meeting you never fails to light up my day. Your smile brings a certain ease and warmth. Just want to tell you that you're so precious in God's eyes and in mine.

Today, after we celebrated Jus' birthday at his house, I noted Hendra in Jeremy's room, playing a card game with him. There was something about that picture that really warmed my heart. It's like a once his sheep always his sheep kinda feeling. Or once my shepherd always my shepherd kinda feeling. :)

Yesterday's sermon really excited me. Pastor preached about bringing the Kingdom out of the walls of the church. After the sermon, he told me he was tired but I didn't notice it at all during the sermon. Instead, I could sense his conviction and excitement as he talked about the Kingdom of God. It just captured my attention and heart again.

Like the mustard seed, it will be extensive in growth.

Like yeast that works through the dough, it will be transformative in influence.

Really, really exciting...

"The church of God is breaking out in freedom, in power, in healing, salvation to the ends of the earth."

Not Good Enough, Never Good Enough

2006-09-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

Luke

5:1 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,† with the people crowding around him and listening to the word of God,

5:2 he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets.

5:3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.

5:4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Put out into deep water, and let down† the nets for a catch."

5:5 Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."

5:6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break.

5:7 So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

5:8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"

5:9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken,

5:10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men."

5:11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

I do, and I think You know it too. But...Haiz...

Lamentations

3:21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

3:22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

3:23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

3:24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

Give

2006-09-06T01:59:00.000+08:00

Surprise durian cake, Topman and Adidas vouchers, pretzels, $100 ang bao, U2 turtleneck shirt, thick Oprah book, a HOTDOG from a HOT DAWG, 2 $10 Ben & Jerry’s vouchers, a pair of Adidas shoes from LEFTFOOT I’ve been eyeing for some time, Ben & Jerry’s’ cheese cake, effort to cook curry, whipped potato, lasagne and pizza, High Society album, 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry’s Marsha Marsha Marshmellow and a stress ball. These are the gifts I received for my birthday.

6 days after my birthday and starting to feel a lil weary of all the feasting and celebration. 2 more to go. I really appreciate all the thought put in. Thanks to all of you out there who consider me worth your time and effort.

I’ve eaten so much ice cream over the past couple o days. On Saturday, I had Marsha Marsha Marshmellow for dinner after service. I just whacked both the tubs haha, only to regret later in the night cos of the headache. I suppose it’s cos of the ice cream, not sure though. Had Ben & Jerry’s again with Livi, Veron, Junhuang and Baowei on Sunday. Too bad Susilawati Angkasa Lee Jialing couldn’t make it. I really miss her. Had a great time with Bao anyway. I was also looking forward to meet him. He’s a dear brother with whom I share an awkward love hate relationship. Hahaha. We didn’t talk much at first. I thought to myself since the objective of the meet up was to catch up with him I’d initiate to break the silence. I asked “Hey Bao, how’s your job?” He then answered “Can you please not ask this type of questions?” Silence………………………………………………………...
We proceeded to talk about other things and I found out he’s doing really well and shining for Jesus. Such a consistent brother.

Anniversary is drawing nearer. Everyone is busy. EXCELLENCE, PURPOSE, JOY and UNITY.

Just wanna say here that I feel very loved after I bumped into my ex-shepherd today. Chukai asked me about my studies and showed genuine concern for me, it was a very nice feeling. I won’t say we’re close. We’ve also not talked to each other in a while. But it was nice to know that he still cares for me :) It’s great to be in God’s family.

I must not stop giving. GIVE.

Mark 6:31b

O anyway, just found out today I’ll be getting a new toy for anniversary, the Yamaha PM5D! Never thought I’d have the chance to meet her. Haha… Cool man! Here I come! Anoint me, make something out of what You’ve given me to offer.

24

2006-08-31T01:24:00.000+08:00

Just felt a feeling of familiar warmth as I thought about my life on the day of my 24th birth anniversary while listening to Michael W. Smith's rendition of the song Awesome God. Days like these were meant to be set aside for the people you are intimate with. This year feels different, guess its cos they are no longer around. I miss two such people in particular. This year feels different also because of a sense of discontentment. Discontentment at where I stand spiritually at this moment. How I wish to have been closer, more faithful. But I guess there's a difference between looking at the past to learn lessons and well......just looking at the past. On a seperate note, 16 more days to church anniversary celebration at expo. This few weeks have been hectic, I've been going to nexus at least 3 times a week. Everyone is busy preparing for the big day. It gets very boring to keep doing sound. As we all prepare for anniversary, I also want to ensure my heart is prepared. I am reminded of my purpose as a christian. We're so busy preparing the praise and worship because as christians we're invited to relate with God. And so we put in the effort to prepare so that we can usher in and also remind others. As Christians we're also called to fulfill the great commission. And so, I'm reminded of my destiny. There's a task still at hand. I've got a part to play and am eagerly awaiting to see how else I can be involved.

STONEDDD...

2006-08-29T01:09:00.000+08:00

Just returned home from the recording of Psalm 78. Heard it will be uploaded to the church website after anniversary. I love doing recording. I love being around the twins and a wonderful lineup of musicians. We have Eugene on percussions, the talented Meya from Filipino group on brass and strings, Fenny on organ, Gerald on piano, Geoffrey on bass, Uncle Albert the screaming guitarist on electric guitar and last but not least Wendy on the drums. I love to do recording with them, they are great musicians. Feelin a bit tired after doing the recording, run up and down...old already, I need a disciple!

Anyway, was reading Ezekiel 22-23 today. I was thinking to myself, wa God is a really angry God, relentless in punishing his children for their wrong doing. Since they are always disobedient, why not just let them suffer, they will come back anyway. But amidst all the anger, jealousy and punishment, I began to see a God who is truly loving. He loved us so much that He will choose not to be passive about our sin. Rather He actively steps out to discipline, and to bring us back.

I'm very much like a hired hand many times. I think to myself, if I correct you, you don't want to listen then too bad la, I'll just leave you alone. You suffer it's not my business. I wash my hands off your case. God corrected me of this kind of passiveness today.

It's great to know that I have a God who actively fights for my heart. Now, I have to look for opportunities to apply this kind of love to others as well.

Wateva

2006-08-28T02:43:00.000+08:00

Went for a 10km Sheares Bridge Run with Hendra, Eugene, Davin, Seng and Joyce today. It was a great run. We ran halfway and it started pouring like hippos and rhinos... So heavy it was actually painful as the droplets hit the skin. So drenched that my shirt became so heavy. I was really glad at how I performed today, didn't stop at all, was telling myself, no stopping, no walking... Realised the key is to regulate the breathing, focus on the breathing, not the running. If you regulate it, you won't pant easily, hence not run out of breath easily too. It was great to run alongside seng. :) (Although he's still very KEH KAO about the $10... :P) Anyway, we're all inspired for the Standard Chartered one coming up at the end of the year. Hope some other close friends would join me this time. Davin said he will run the 21km. Hendra aims to come in first for the 10km. Today he just give all of them chance only. He don't want to show power yet. They better not be too complacent, come end of the year, he will show them some colour to look look... Looking at him warm up, I feel intimidated already.

O anyway, since I'm on the topic of Hendra, must really say he's a great guy. One of the most teachable people I've met...

Hmm...this post is not structured at all. Watever la...

No Greater Honor

2006-08-25T17:55:00.000+08:00

Ah…Finally, handed in my Information and Network Security assignment and completed Database Management Systems assignment. DBMS assignment due date was pushed back to 1 September. That’ll give me more time to check through. Have been sleeping at like 5 for 2 days. Chionging assignment. Actually not chiong, cos both already about 90% done. Just an excuse to enjoy a quiet night. I love the quietness. God touched me 2 nights back just to remind me He’s here with me as I did my assignment. He anointed me with wisdom. Many times when I’ve struggled to the point where I’m just about to give up, He steps in. To give me a spark of wisdom, an idea of how to solve the problem or a sudden understanding of the subject matter. Thank you Lord for your grace, though many times I’ve forgotten you and chosen to struggle on my own. Thank you for helping me see I don’t need to do my life alone. (pun intended…haha no la, I’m referring to God lor! I’ve just realized how funny that sounds…) I always say stupid things. I remember once after an overnight meeting at Seng’s place I asked Seng, “Hey, where can they sleep ar?” He said “orh, can sleep anywhere” Then I announced “Hey! You guys can feel free to sleep around.” SILENCE…CHRONOSPHERE… Anyway, I love this meaningful song titled No Higher Calling. Goes like this:

Down at your feet O Lord
Is the most high place
In your presence Lord
I seek Your face

There is no higher calling
No greater honor
Than to bow and kneel
Before Your throne
I’m amazed at Your glory
Embraced by Your mercy
O Lord I live to worship You

Lovely. Indeed, it’s the most high place. More of You and less of me. I’m stronger kneeling at Your feet than when I’m standing on my own.

Can't Believe These Idiots

2006-08-23T12:06:00.000+08:00

Check this out! It says "Extreme Graphic Content" but it's not that extreme, so go ahead, watch the video and have a blast!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFf-kW1E0Tc

I might want to try this someday, seriously.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKoB0MHVBvM&mode=related&search=

Hmm...Maybe this la...Less Idiotic. Hahaha.

So funny...

Importance Of Correct Parenting

2006-08-21T16:45:00.000+08:00

Watched this story on Oprah today. Rabbi Shmuley said a lot that made lots of sense. He talked about success in the workplace and how success is defined in the world. Many parents are very successful out there but fail miserably at home as parents. They give it all in the marketplace that they only have leftovers for their children. And so some of them choose the easy way out. They buy things for their kids to make up for their time away. Some are physically there but emotionally spent. The Rabbi mentioned something that stung me. I don't know why, but it just did. I will think about why...anyway, here's what he said (I can't remember his exact words but it goes something like this...). Sometimes the father returns home feeling like an absolute loser and will start to think the person who loves a loser like him is a loser². This will cause him to start withdrawing from the very person who loves him genuinely.

Here's one out of the 3 stories, check out the vdo footage too.

www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200606/tows_past_20060626.jhtml

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, the host of TLC's reality TV series Shalom in the Home, gives on-the-spot parenting advice to families in crisis. A father of eight and author of 10 Conversations You Need to Have with Your Children, Rabbi Shmuley says he aims to bring shalom—or peace—to troubled families who are collapsing in dysfunction.

Rabbi Shmuley says the greatest threat facing America today is internal. "The catastrophic decline of the American family, the utter disintegration, the decentralization of the American home is our foremost national emergency," Rabbi Shmuley says.

The root of the problem, says Rabbi Shmuley, is that families today are disconnected—and he says "checked out" parents are largely to blame.

The Hurons have been married for 16 years and have four children. Greg is a chiropractor; Ruth is a yoga instructor. They bring calm to their clients' lives—but as Rabbi Shmuley discovers during his stay with the family, there is no peace in their own home.

Ruth finds herself in a constant battle with her kids, who she says "don't really care." "They're beating us down to nothing," Ruth says.

Greg says the kids lack respect for each other and their mother. Instead, he says his kids "have become very manipulative and sneaky."

The Huron children say their mom's constant nagging fills them with anger and frustration. "My mom nags way too much," says Nick. "She picks the littlest things and argues about them and complains."

As for dad Greg, the kids say he's either ticked off or tuned out. "Normally, dad's at work, and we understand he has to be there, but even when he's home, he just says, 'Oh, I don't want to deal with that right now,'" says Forrest. "Then when he does, he just gets really angry and gets in a bad mood. He affects the whole house, basically, because it's a trickle-down effect."

Rabbi Shmuley says that children misbehave because of ineffective parenting. After assessing the Huron's situation, he offers Ruth and Greg some simple ways to change the way they parent.

Rabbi Shmuley says the Hurons are making a common mistake by parenting out of fear and trying to be their children's friend. "We believe that by coming off the pedestal and not asserting authority, they will embrace us much more warmly—it is simply not true," he says. "They will have many friends in life—they will have one father, they will have one mother."

Rabbi Shmuley says Greg is allowing his success outside the home to determine his success inside the home—when he feels he falls short, the whole family suffers. "It comes down to money and fame," Rabbi Shmuley says. "So the average guy who just does the right thing but is unknown for it feels like he's a zero."

In order to be a successful family unit, Rabbi Shmuley says Ruth and Greg need to redefine success in their lives. "The man who sits and does homework with his children when nobody is watching…The man who conquers his passions and focuses his lust on one woman—his wife—when no one's watching…To do right because it's right—that is heroic," Rabbi Shmuley says.

After putting Rabbi Shmuley's advice into action, Ruth and Greg says the family is closer than ever. Greg says Rabbi Shmuley helped him see just how much his family means to him. "I just realized that I have the greatest riches in my house," Greg says. "It was a change in my mindset. Those four children and Ruth are the best gift and treasure and the biggest success I will ever have in my life, and I put them first."

Ruth says she no longer nags her children and sees her role in a new light. "You're there to inspire, to uplift, to care for, to know that you're safe," Ruth says. "And just that awareness helped me—seeing how disassociated we were."

Rabbi Shmuley helped the Hurons implement their own "family day" for reconnecting. The family sets aside one night a week—without any interruptions from TV, phones or friends—to spend time talking, playing board games and just hanging out.

Longestestest Post

2006-08-19T12:52:00.000+08:00

Recap Of My Week

Monday

Highlight of the day: Anniversary Music Practice

Really look forward to every anniversary music practice. It’s something fresh for me, something challenging. Thank God for my trusty disciple Jiayi. She’s really improved a lot. I can just tell her what to do, she knows how I want it done and how to do it. Anniversary practice went well, Uncle Albert was on reservist and Simon stood in for him. Cello was a bit soft. Mic almost cannot capture at all. Sijia cannot really hear herself because of that. When I got home, downloaded Yo Yo Ma’s stuff to learn how to mix cello. Check out Cello Suite No 1 in G major – Prelude.

Looking forward to recording of Psalm 78!

Check out my toy this anniversary. The Digidesign D-Show, lovely isn't she?

Tuesday

Highlight of the day: WAM Vision Night

Youth team did well in ushering us to worship.

Wednesday

Highlights of the day: Meeting Veron, DMM

Met Veron to discuss the band stuff. Really encouraged by this gal. Very dong si. She sets an example for us in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity though she’s the youngest in the group. Veron, if you are reading this, thank God for you, for sustaining the team, for being a source of encouragement and for showing a real desire to grow. You know she’s the kind of person I don’t mind counseling for hours on end because I can sense very strongly that she wants to grow. Not just complain for the sake of complaining. Thank God for you ron!

If you haven’t watched Lake House I suggest you just give it a miss. Makes no sense at all. Heard from Veron the YWAM gals were like “wa, so romantic…” and the guys were like “wa, wat the he#$!?!?!?!?!” after the show. Hahaha so funny.

DMM…nothing much to say, just felt a little drained after the whole thing. Anyway, it was a good time of learning. David asked a question I’ve never thought of before.

What are the top 3 core values you hold in your life?

As I reflected I could only name 2 off hand. Guess I’m still discovering. My 2 are :
1. Be Self-Sufficient
2. Never Leave The Church Of God

Basically, core values are things you really believe in. You will discover that these core values leave traces of themselves all over your life if you manage to identify them accurately in the first place. For example, if you believe in Discipleship, I can expect to see you spend more time with your sheep, I can see you investing time in people. Yeah, something like that. Good question to ask :)

Thursday

Highlight of the day: Music Practice

We MUST IMPROVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, we will, let’s just work at it.

Friday

Highlights of the day: Shepherding, Supper with Parents

Had shepherding, went there with a heart that’s just waiting to pour out. A lot of things I wanted to tell Tony. Went to harbor front to meet him. Then he started sharing to me about his problems in the office and ministry. Hahaha Turned out to be the other way around, he pour out to me… I was like waiting for a chance but it didn’t come, anyway I chose not to after a while and really listened to him. Guess I shouldn’t be so selfish. Shepherding is not just to meet my needs only. I should also learn how to meet my shepherd’s needs. I also learnt how to share other’s burdens. Have to prepare myself for work man…It’s so different and so real. So many other things to be concerned about.

After class, went to meet parents at Nexus. Family group was having missions night. Wanted to hitch a ride home. We went for supper at Geylang Lorong 9. We ate beef hor fun and then later went to Lorong 36 to eat durian. It was a great time because I’ve not seen my parents an entire week. Every night come home late. Haha, mom’s a very child-like believer. She’s always excited about prayer. A lot I can learn from her…

Saturday

Highlight so far : “Eh, did you all ta pau something for Royston?”

Just woke up and heard my brother saying this after they returned home from breakfast. My parents are systematic, one night spend time with me then next morning spend time with my brother. Anyway, it was nice to hear that he cares for me. He’s the kind who will not ask this kind of questions in front of me. He said it just now thinking I was still asleep. It was his voice that woke me up actually… nice to hear nonetheless.

My mom is funny, she likes to highlight all these. She will tell me when he’s not around, that he loves me a lot. Just now when my door was still closed (they thought I was still asleep) she said to my bro “wa you love him so much ar?” (then he went into his room and shut the door) hahahaha Shy or something…

O…Thank God, my parents are connected to CG now. They’re going to karaoke with their CG mates later. Uncle Calvin (Tamar’s father) is the organizer. Seems like my dad and uncle Calvin quite close. They are CG mates. That’s a good thing because my mom is always at her mom’s place on weekends. Sometimes dad lonely can call uncle Calvin out. I’m so glad…

http://www.donghaeng.net/english/hope/hope.swf
Saw this on Livi’s blog…Really left me thinking…

Will Jesus really have a beard when we meet Him again?

Can I not wear a robe?

Anyway, the images stuck with me throughout the whole of yesterday. We’re really not home yet. I'm tempted to put the lyrics of the song by Steven Curtis titled "Not Home Yet" but then this post is super long already...

The Best Is Yet To Be

2006-08-16T01:24:00.000+08:00

My secondary school slogan. Sounds very cool rite? More than that, it’s meaningful when you know Christ. Indeed, we can all look forward to better days. We’re not home yet.

Went to play badminton with Stanley, Jeremy and Livi today. Was a great time. Really worked out. Perspired like mad. I was very glad to see and talk to Stanley again. Jeremy told me something that was especially encouraging. Told me that Hendra was his best shepherd cos he spent the most quality time with him. I was SO glad to hear that. That meant a lot more to me.

God wants us all to be fruitful. But when everything we do doesn’t seem to bear fruit, will we still praise Him? I’m still working on that. What does “You are more than enough for me” really mean? Am I content with just Him? Can He be my sole reward?

Habakkuk 3:17-18

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Everyday we tell ourselves loads of crap. Sometimes we should just tell ourselves to shut up and choose to listen to what God says about us.

John 12:24-25

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

Yo Yo Ma is nice!

There You'll Be

2006-08-13T22:48:00.000+08:00

Went for 4.3km jog today with Davin. Was a good jog, think I can go for another round. But iya stop la...boring liao. Anyway, I agreed to the jog cos I'm preparing for IPPT as well as the 10km Shears Bridge thingy on the 27th. I love to jog or walk, it gives me time to pray and pour out my heart to God. My heart cry is for God to change me, I need You Holy Spirit to come and change me from the inside out. I need Your power to change me. I can't adhere to truth alone, I need Your empowerment. I'm expecting to see Your power work in me Holy Spirit.

This few days, have come to really hate my procrastinating ways. Sometimes, it's not that I want to procrastinate, but there are so many things going on at once I don't even know which to start with. Not sure if i'm making sense at all but heck this is my blog and I will use it to pour out until it makes sense! :P

Borrowed a Faith Hill DVD as I was in search of some video footage of my drum hero, Mr Vinnie Colaiuta. Realised that Faith Hill's songs are actually not bad. Very meaningful. I hear she's a Christian. A strong one too. Yea, sounds like one from her appearances at the Oprah show. Anyway, I heard this song on the DVD, There You'll Be (Pearl Harbour Soundtrack). Check out the lyrics, I love the lyrics. Wonder if she's actually singing to God. Reminds me that there's always hope when there's God. Thanks once again Jesus.

There You'll Be (Faith Hill)

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I’ll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I’ll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be

Tim McGraw, you lucky guy!!!

A Father's Love

2006-08-11T00:42:00.000+08:00

Watched this story on Oprah today. Touching... The son can only communicate through a special computer built on a wheel chair for him. He types by moving his head to press the keys. I tried to upload the photo but somehow it just can't be uploaded. Here's the story of a Father's love anyway. :)

Forty-three years ago, Rick was born without the ability to talk, walk or barely move. "They said, 'Forget Rick,'" remembers his father, Dick. "'Put him in an institution. He's going to be nothing but a vegetable for the rest of his life.' My wife and I cried a little bit but we talked and we said, 'We're going to bring Rick home and bring him up like any other child."

Dick knew deep down that his son was thriving on the inside, and he insisted Rick go to school. He believed with every fiber of his being that his son had something to say—and he was right. At age 12, Dick had a special computer built so that Rick could communicate. What were his first words? Not "mom" or "dad" as his parents expected. "The Boston Bruins were going for the Stanley Cup," Dick remembers. "The very first words he ever said were 'Go, Bruins.'"

Rick, born with the heart of a true athlete, made a request that would change their lives forever—he asked his father to team up for a five-mile charity race. Dick had never run in his life. "We finished the whole five miles coming in next to last," Dick remembers, "but not last. When we came across the finish line, it was the biggest smile you ever saw in your life. Rick wrote on his computer, 'Dad, when I'm running, it feels like my disability disappears.'"

After many local races, Dick and Rick take their new passion even further. Even though Dick couldn't swim and hadn't been on a bike since he was 6 years old, the two used a running wheelchair and other special equipment and began training to compete in triathlons.

The pure joy Rick experiences during each race drives his father to the finish line again and again. "Rick can't make very many sounds," Dick says with tears in his eyes, "but he does [make a certain sound] a lot when we're out there competing. … You know he's happy and he enjoys himself."

So far Rick and Dick have competed in over 206 triathlons and 64 marathons!

Dick says his son saved his life. Preparing to run their 23rd Boston marathon, Dick went to see a doctor about a tickle in his throat. An EKG revealed that Dick had suffered a silent heart attack. She informed Dick that he had a severe cholesterol problem and told him that if he weren't in such great athletic condition, he would have died 15 years ago!

"When [Rick] asked me to start pushing him that first race," Dick says, "I was not a runner and I was kind of overweight—maybe becoming a couch potato. He's got me in the best shape of my life and I just love to be out there competing with Rick. … Rick is a fighter and he never gives up. To me, he's the athlete and I'm just out there loaning him my arms and legs so that he can compete."

What does Rick want people to know? Rick is a graduate from Boston University with a degree in special education, and he even lives on his own. Through a special computer he is able to communicate his thoughts.

"Until my dad agreed to run that first race, I had no chance," Rick says through his computer. "My dad is my everything. He has made my dreams come true. To steal a line from a song, my dad is the 'wind beneath my wings.'"

Thank You

2006-08-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

The heart is deceitful.

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Sometimes you thank someone not because you are truly grateful, but cos you don't want to owe anyone. Sometimes you do that to people, sometimes you do that to God. As if a "thank you" was enough... As if being at best behaviour was enough...

Isaiah 64:6 All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--
2:9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

Romans 3:24 and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Amazes Me (Christian City Church)

On my knees, I bow down
Sing about the healer & the hope I've found
You took my tears, took my shame
Washed them all away
Love shines down on this heart of mine
Lead me to the waters of eternal life
Once was lost, now I'm found
It's a brand new day
Your love, it amazes me
Your love, has lifted me
Higher than I can possibly dream
Your love amazes me
Hallelujah
Your love amazes me

So, sincerely from the bottom of my heart, Thank You Jesus, my saviour, my jiu(4) ming(4) en(1) ren(2), my benefactor and friend.

My Day In A Collage And A Song

2006-08-08T00:14:00.000+08:00

Savior (Steven Curtis Chapman)

Well, who is this angry man I see

In the mirror looking back at me?

It’s a man who’s tired, a man who’s weak

And it’s a man who needs a Savior
And who is this fearful little child

Crying out for home, lost in the wild?

With a lonely heart that’s fading fast

It’s a child who needs a Savior

A child who needs a Savior
And what is this longing in my soul

That I get so scared and angry?

I need more than just a little help

I need someone who will save me

Come and save me

I need someone to save me

Who will save me? Come and save me
And who is this one nailed to a cross

Who would rather die than leave us lost?

He’s come to rescue us, come to set us free

Hallelujah, hallelujah

It is Christ the Lord…our Savior

Hatred For Self

2006-08-06T18:50:00.000+08:00

I've heard this said by Dr Robin Smith a lot on the Oprah show. Dr Robin Smith is a renowned psychologist on the show. When drug abusers, people with extremely low self esteem or morbidly obese people are interviewed on the show, Dr Smith often proposes Hatred For Self as the root cause.

I've always thought what it's really like being in their shoes. How can someone hate himself? Why do they hate themselves? It's somewhat an ironical concept in a self-centred and selfish world.

I heard this again yesterday during Alan's sermon in the tertiary service.

Here's a copy of my notes:

How To Experience God's Transforming Power
1 Timothy 1:12-17

Alan Tea

1. Realize that God thinks the best of us.(v12)
-"the worst of sinners"
-God thinks the best of us, despite what we think about ourself
-1 Cor 1:26-30, Ps 139:13-16
-there are some whose survival is based on self praise, their confidence derived from the opinions of others on them
-sometimes things are meant for the HIGHER good

2. Accept that God wipes away our past.(v13)
-hardened criminals have died inside, they've lost the sense of guilt, chosen to ignore their conscience
-are we like that? Hardened? Chosen to ignore the Spirit?
-Isaiah 61:10, Lamentations 3:22-23
-if today you can accept that God has forgiven you, then you can start to accept yourself. If you find that you hate what you see inside, then you may not have accepted the fact that God has forgiven you
-Mat 19:19, you cannot love others like yourself if you don't love yourself to start with

3. Receive every good thing that God wants to give us.(v14)

It's funny, sometimes as Christians that we have not accepted the fact.

Being An Overseer

2006-08-05T13:22:00.000+08:00

1 Peter

5:2 Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers--not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve;

5:3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.

5:4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

5:5 Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."†

5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

"not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be" Interesting... Who would willingly step up to this? Either someone who doesn't know what it takes or someone who considered the fruit worth all the heart break.

Truth is, we'll definitely get there.

"There" meaning:

Ephesians

4:13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

4:14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming.

Question is, do I want to be involved in the process? Do I consider the benefits worth all the trouble?

5:4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

Food for thought...